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But I wonder, if you're worried that starting a thread that reflects your beliefs will cause people to assume you're hateful.. what does that say to you?
Wow...you think I'm hateful because I don't support purposefully bringing children into unconventional circumstances?
What I mean by that statement is that if you want to have kids they need to be your first priority. Having a kid with your BF/GF because you don't want to get married is not appropriate. Who has custody of the child? If parents aren't married, there's a lot of confusion there.
Wow...you think I'm hateful because I don't support purposefully bringing children into unconventional circumstances?
What I mean by that statement is that if you want to have kids they need to be your first priority. Having a kid with your BF/GF because you don't want to get married is not appropriate. Who has custody of the child? If parents aren't married, there's a lot of confusion there.
Hello?!
I said what does that say to you.. think about it.. if you feel people will view you as hateful.. what does that say to YOU? All.. I said was that you need to start your own thread about homosexuality and/or having children out of wedlock in Politics & Controversies. This is about age!!! I gave my opinion and used the term 'SO' in my post. You attacked my post because you have an issue with homosexuality and having children out of wedlock. Back off and take your issues elsewhere.
I assumed we were talking about people who can have their own children TOGETHER which gays cannot. Not the age when you could adopt children. And yes I am against gay marriage.
And if you don't "believe" in marriage, you shouldn't be having kids. This is a real problem in our society today...lax morals and kids being raised in such unconvential situations. Notice I also said intentionally. An unintentional pregnancy would be different.
Don't be a thread hog. This was not the OP's question whether or not unmarried or gays should have children. The question was about what age. To answer the OP, I do think maturity and financial security play a part and also finding the right person to share your life raising a child w/ you. Unfortunately for me, I didn't find that person until I was 35 and had my child at 37. Idealy, I wish I had met him and had my dd in my late 20's or early 30's.
And as to the bold statement...you shouldn't ever plan to have kids with your SO unless he or she is your spouse.
I agree. It's never good to bring a baby into the world without both parents being married. It happens all the time, and people can argue over it forever, but the bottom line is, kids need a mother and a father. Divorce at least protects custody. Merely seperating with no marriage leaves the father with less power concerning the raising the kids.
I don't think it is a matter of age exactly but a matter of affordability, maturity and able to handle responsibility of having a child. I never had a child for two out of the reason proir listed. $$ and responsibility. Never could safely afford a child. and I was and am too busy with my own healthy issue along with my partents issues I wouldn't want a child in the middle of it. Now I am older then when my mother had me so I would never want to put a child through what I am doing now, stopping my life to care for my parents.
If I could have safely had a child, afford all the medical and other costly issues, and still have enough for my own care in senior years. It would have been nice to have a child.
Instead I enjoy my friends kids and my brothers kids. then return them.
When my teens ask me what's the best age to start a family, I tell them:
1. When you're old enough to have a stable job
2. When you're old enough to be married.
3. When you're old enough to buy a house.
Ideally -- finish education and obtain stable employment by 21-22; married by 22-24; buy a house by 23-25; start a family by 26-28. In that order. I want to be a mother in law before I'm a grandmother.
It depends on how many you plan to have. Kids are expensive and you do not want to have them too close together of too late. Here is what I think:
1. 1st child right out of college around age 22
2. 2nd child at age 27- the first one will be in Kindergarten and out of the way
3. 3rd child at age 31- the 2nd child will be in kidergarten and the 1st in the 5th grade
4. 4th child at age 36- the 1st child will be entering high school and able to help care for the young ones
This way you can spread out things like school fees, sports expenses, graduation and none of them will be in college at the same time. The youngest will graduate from college and enter the work force when you are 58 and getting ready for retirement.
I sorta agree w/ KevK's timeline but not for the same reason. The first should be around 25 yo. I just think that each child should have some time w/ parent to have a 1 on 1 bonding time. I had my my 3 kids 15 mts apart and now that my youngest is 5 I am enjoying being alone w/ her at home while the other 2 are at school. I wish I could have done that for them too.
I had my kids when I was 23 and 25. It would have been better if we'd waited a couple more years, but only because I had to work until my son was a year old... In retrospect, a year or two later would have been easier, because I was still working when I had my son. By the time I was pregnant with my daughter, I was able to be a full-time mommy because DH was making enough to support us on his income.
It's not a matter of age, it's a matter of when you are married, in a stable housing environment (not necessarily homeowners), and ideally, when the mother can stay home at least for a while. I am glad that we had our kids young... I couldn't imagine just starting off with my first baby now, in my early 30s. Now that we're more financially able, we can travel (we take the kids) and do other things that are hard with babies. I suppose people who put off having children do these things before the kids come and then take a few years off while their children are babies/toddlers.
I was 28 when I had my first (and thus far only). I was probably the first out of my friends and young by my peer group standards...but now that we've reached our thirties some are starting to have families.
I think it's a bit narrow minded to set out a path of how you are 'supposed' to go about planning when to have kids. It's always the women who are supposed to have these plans too - men are usually exempt. Lets say you are a female, you go from school to college, you get married fairly soon after college, then take on a mortgage, (and possibly a soul-destroying job to service it) and then start having kids by your mid-twenties - which seems to be the 'straight and narrow' plan that some suggest following. So where does a decent career and even having a bit of fun fit into this?
In our late teens & twenties we partied, travelled, lived abroad, got graduate degrees, had careers and generally an all-round good time. I think after 10 years of this, most people are happy to get a bit more serious, get married and have kids. If you don't have these experiences when you are young, when can you? Certainly not after you have kids! If I hadn't done this before kids I would have regretted it a lot. So I would say from my experience, wait until late twenties or early thirties, and have your twenties for yourself - whether you are single or have a partner!
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