Interesting incident at friend's house (teaching, baby, daughter, 4 year old)

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

So I visit my buddy John the other night. Get there at 930 for a quick beer. John's kids all like me, and I'm fond of them.

I sit w/ John in front of the TV on the couch and we begin to chug some beers. Susan, their adorable 3rd grade daughter, is at the dining table reviewing some math problems with mommy. Turns out Susan has some kind of exam coming.

Susan's mother is getting flustered.

"No! Listen to me! And don't guess!"
"But mommy, they didn't teach me 3-digit stuff..."

Susan's mother, Jen, probably had arrived 30 minutes earlier. Her job has her get home at 9PM on days she works; on her off days, she's home all day. So she was perhaps cranky/tired.

But Jen kept going like this, being very tough with Susan, and Susan, who was tired herself, was being a bit whiny.

Finally, Jen snaps. "Fine. You don't want to do it? You don't want to study? It's up to you." And with that, Jen stands up. She grabs Susan's 4 year old brother (who, in my biased opinion, is Jen's favorite - based on me having been to their house at least 30 times in the past 12 months) and storms off to her bedroom to retire for the night. No "good night honey" to Susan and no good night to me, which she often does when I'm there and she retires for the night.

Susan just sat there, probably embarrassed.

Sensing Susan felt awkward, I immediately acted. "Susan honey, bring uncle Sprawling your math homework. Maybe I can help." Susan quietly brings her work - it's multiplication. 2- and 3-digit stuff, such as 26X3, 59X4, 121X4, etc.

I helped her solve the one problem she had a hard time reviewing with her mom. Susan whines and interrupts me when I talk, but I ask her to wait silently while I explain until we solve it together. She then talks - and says they hadn't even covered this in school yet.

So I ask John why she was learning this - the exam will cover this, John says. Statewide test.

I ask Susan, "honey, if they didn't cover this in school, who taught you how to do this?" Susan says, "Daddy."

I ask John if I can give Susan a few "quizzes" right there to help Susan practice. He agrees. So off I go and off starts Susan. While Susan works on the math, I ask him if she's already learned multiplication - she has.

Out of 10 problems Susan only gets 2 wrong, both being 3-digit items, and only because she had forgotten 8x7 and because she'd confused 4x9 (she thought it was 63 as opposed to 36).

John sends her to bed. I was surprised - Susan, for the most part, knew what she was doing.

So my questions are:

1. was Jen too hasty in losing her patience at Susan?
2. could this have been due to a long day and Jen just didn't have the stomach to put up with homework?
3. was Jen wrong to walk off, saying to her daughter that if she didn't want to learn, it was her choice?
4. was John wrong to just sit there while the whole thing happened - all the while I was the one who helped Susan, and discovered her skills were good for the most part?

[stormy night]

Jen: Clearly not equipped to help with math that late and that tired (the 4 year old is another matter)

John: Too into relaxing to even register what was going on. (After all, he did teach her how to do the problems to begin with.)

Susan: Does not perform well under stress and overtired.

You: Wish my kids had an uncle like you. You did a good thing.

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

Originally Posted by stormy night

Jen: Clearly not equipped to help with math that late and that tired (the 4 year old is another matter)

John: Too into relaxing to even register what was going on.

Susan: Does not perform well under stress and overtired.

You: Wish my kids had an uncle like you. You did a good thing.

The irony is that I'm not even their real, blood uncle. I'm just a close friend of John and his kids call me "uncle" out of habit.

[33458]

I think Mom was tired and flustered and pissed at Dad for sitting there relaxing, drinking a beer, when child needed help with homework, for starters...but if there is sure favoritism, that doesn't help, either.

Never storm off, leaving the kid - teaches a bad response technique. They learn from what they see.

You get get many brownie points for your contribution.

[Granny Sue]

1. was Jen too hasty in losing her patience at Susan?
2. could this have been due to a long day and Jen just didn't have the stomach to put up with homework?
3. was Jen wrong to walk off, saying to her daughter that if she didn't want to learn, it was her choice?
4. was John wrong to just sit there while the whole thing happened - all the while I was the one who helped Susan, and discovered her skills were good for the most part?

John was in in wrong all the way thru.

If he was the one teaching her that, then he should have been the one helping her.

Mom had been working while John was sitting around swilling beer.

Mom was probably very tired and walked away before she did more damage.

It was very nice of you to help out the little girl.

[crazyworld]

I have to agree with Kali's Grandmother.

Jen was probably really PO'd while John sat there drinking. I think (no offense) when you showed up and started drinking that also didn't help.
Nine o'clock at night is a tough time for a child to be doing their homework..at that point everyone is tired and cranky.

That was a good thing you did by helping her she will remember that....Did John continue to drink and watch TV while you did that?

I am glad my kids are grown......LOL

[maja]

9:00 is too late to be working on homework. Everyone's behavior is understandable. The family needs to somehow rearrange schedules, do less, whatever in order to have work done, kids in bed and mom & dad (& uncle) relaxing by 9:00. If dad is home earlier on days mom works late, then he could help kids with homework earlier. Mom shouldn't have to at 9:00 and the daughter also isn't going to do her best that late. Everybody is way overscheduled these days. Too much stress! Good post! Good "uncle!"

[momof2dfw]

As someone else has already mentioned................ That child should have already been in bed getting a good nights sleep BEFORE 9:00. Even if mommy wasn't home yet.......... that is TOO LATE for a lil one to be up.

1. was Jen too hasty in losing her patience at Susan?
Tired, worn out, pissed dad was having a beer w/ friend while mom was at work. Come home to find them relaxing and kid still has homework.

2. could this have been due to a long day and Jen just didn't have the stomach to put up with homework?
I would not have either. Especially once the kids are tired and whiney. That just doubles the bad situation.


3. was Jen wrong to walk off, saying to her daughter that if she didn't want to learn, it was her choice?
Probably was wrong.......... but frustrated. And tired. She probably KNEW in her head the daughter knew how to do the math. They BOTH were frustrated and tired. It is LATE.

4. was John wrong to just sit there while the whole thing happened - all the while I was the one who helped Susan, and discovered her skills were good for the most part?
John should have already made sure the kids were done with their homework MUCH EARLIER! That way they could stay up till mom walks in the door, tell her good night and let her tuck them into bed. That would make EVERYONES stress level much lower. If dad had already gone over this homework and helped her out in learning how to do it........ he was capable of doing it MUCH earlier.

Good for you though for difusing a bad situation.

[lisdol]

yep I agree with all. Very late to be working on homework - everyone is cranky. Mom was tired. I bet she was simmering about Dad relaxing while she helped with hw, esp since she had just gotten home from work. Perhaps she was even wondering why Dad had not taken care of hw earlier in the evening. (My kids get home at 330 and husband at 530/6 and we try to have hw done before he gets home).

Good on you "uncle" for helping.

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

OK, a few comments.

1. You all raised a good point by mentioning that Jen was probably angered at John, that he invited me over for a drink that late. However, I must point out that I am a “regular” at their house, that there have never been problems between Jen and me, that I have given birthday presents to the children, that I’ve even babysat at their request, and that oftentimes I’m there for drinks and Jen will drink a beer or two with us a talk w/ us before going to bed (which happens when all 3 kids are in bed).
2. John invited me over as a casual thing – I had no idea Susan had a statewide exam coming.
3. Why John hadn’t covered that homework earlier, I don’t know – John himself also works.
4. John had called me 1 hour before I arrived to ask me something. He had been busy that evening doing some business research. I only ASSUMED Jen had arrived at 9PM, but she had probably done so as she was eating when I arrived – in my experience, she eats that late when she works and comes by 9PM. Whether she was angry for any other thing even before my arrival, I don’t know.

Still… I think the worst, from what I witnessed, was Jen walking off, and John sitting there and ignoring the whole situation. He could have, technically, stood up and gone to Susan to replace Jen. Or he could’ve asked Jen to stay.