To many activities? (SAHM, average, support, toddler)

[NYMD67]

I was looking for a previous thread to post this on,as I know it has been discussed,probably several times!
In any case,I couldn't find the one I was searching for...

I have a very close friend who is now works ft but also has 3 children,all in elementary school. They are a busy family (aren't we all in some respect?).
The children are involved in so many activities though,it is constant.Sometimes 3 things all in the same night?? I am a sahm and I couldn't handle that ,let alone working 40+hrs outside of the home and having a husband who travels frequently.
Every time we talk now,she is so extremely stressed out and it is all about how busy they are and how there is no time for anything.
I feel horrible,I honestly do,but at the same time,there is a part of me that says "stop all the activities" ,I think it is insane and to constantly be stressed and complaining about it,it just doesn't make sense.
I think they need to cut out some of the things they do,including the "extra" work things that both parents seem to be compelled to do.


I really would like to say something to her,just to give her some advice,so that she CAN have a little downtime during the week and not always be "on the go" but I think that it will come across as being critical and I don't want to sound that way at all...

[TouchOfWhimsy]

I hear ya. We're a one-activity-per-kid-at-a-time family. We also homeschool, so we are involved in our homeschool group and field trips and such... but yeah, I can't handle all of the running around at dinnertime that multiple activities would cause. As it is, my daughter takes ballet, and my son recently decided to stop taking karate, so we have most evenings free.

Here's that other thread: http://www.city-data.com/forum/paren...ctivities.html

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by NYMD67

I was looking for a previous thread to post this on,as I know it has been discussed,probably several times!
In any case,I couldn't find the one I was searching for...

I have a very close friend who is now works ft but also has 3 children,all in elementary school. They are a busy family (aren't we all in some respect?).
The children are involved in so many activities though,it is constant.Sometimes 3 things all in the same night?? I am a sahm and I couldn't handle that ,let alone working 40+hrs outside of the home and having a husband who travels frequently.
Every time we talk now,she is so extremely stressed out and it is all about how busy they are and how there is no time for anything.
I feel horrible,I honestly do,but at the same time,there is a part of me that says "stop all the activities" ,I think it is insane and to constantly be stressed and complaining about it,it just doesn't make sense.
I think they need to cut out some of the things they do,including the "extra" work things that both parents seem to be compelled to do.


I really would like to say something to her,just to give her some advice,so that she CAN have a little downtime during the week and not always be "on the go" but I think that it will come across as being critical and I don't want to sound that way at all...

Does each child have multiple activities or are all the kids in multiple activities?

It sounds great to tell people not to do "extra: things for their job but that is probably not realistic. Most professionals really do need to do these things.

[2girlsand2boys]

Originally Posted by NYMD67

I was looking for a previous thread to post this on,as I know it has been discussed,probably several times!
In any case,I couldn't find the one I was searching for...

I have a very close friend who is now works ft but also has 3 children,all in elementary school. They are a busy family (aren't we all in some respect?).
The children are involved in so many activities though,it is constant.Sometimes 3 things all in the same night?? I am a sahm and I couldn't handle that ,let alone working 40+hrs outside of the home and having a husband who travels frequently.
Every time we talk now,she is so extremely stressed out and it is all about how busy they are and how there is no time for anything.
I feel horrible,I honestly do,but at the same time,there is a part of me that says "stop all the activities" ,I think it is insane and to constantly be stressed and complaining about it,it just doesn't make sense.
I think they need to cut out some of the things they do,including the "extra" work things that both parents seem to be compelled to do.


I really would like to say something to her,just to give her some advice,so that she CAN have a little downtime during the week and not always be "on the go" but I think that it will come across as being critical and I don't want to sound that way at all...

Some people thrive on the drama of it all. We have a very busy, hectic and (according to most people) crazy life. Between my 4 kids we have:

*dance for 2 kids (total of 3 hours)
*TKD (2 hours)
*piano (Lesson 30 minutes, commute 30 minutes)
*violin (same as piano)
*Preschool science class (1 hour)
*Preschool story and craft class (1 hour)
*Toddler/preschool gym class (2 hours)
*Swimming (all four kids, 1 hour, 30 minutes away)

I'm sure I forgot somehting in that list, and that isn't even including playdates or fieldtrips. (We homeschool)

I may complain about our schedule a lot, but I am really just letting off steam about it. I would wither and die (and so would my kids) if we weren't so active. Some families function okay on a little bit of chaos. I'd just listen to your friend with a sympathetic ear.

[NYMD67]

Thanks I try to be sympathetic because yes,I understand that some people need or thrive on being active. We are somewhere in the middle, I don't like to be crazy hectic,but I also can't stand to have nothing to do.
My friend just seems overwhelmed all of the time,if it was once in awhile,I wouldn't be concerned,but it is every ,single time we talk lately.
I know that most of their work "activities" are more networking,which is sometimes necessary I understand (worked in Marketing in the hospitality industry before staying home) but some of the functions they attend are purely social in my opinion.

I am just genuinely worried that she is overdoing it and stressing all the time,not enjoying any of it.

[charolastra00]

My mom was one of those overwhelmed moms- however she put up with it because she knew it was best for my brother and I. When we tried cutting back on activities, my brother and I just wilted- me more than him. I was and still am the type of person who NEEDS to have 500 things going on at once or else I just kind of clam up and do nothing. In elementary school I played 2 seasonal sports, did martial arts, sang in a local women's choir, and was very active in 4H and Girl Scouts. It only increased through middle and high school. By high school I was spending an average of 20 hours a week (sometimes more) in either marching band practices, rehearsals, competitions or individual practice on top of a rigorous school schedule and being an officer in 4 clubs and volunteering. That's what got me through high school (and, more important, got me huge scholarships).

My brother largely did different activities with the exception of martial arts and a few clubs and marching band in high school.

Not everyone can deal with that but you have to trust the parents to know what's best for their children. Luckily if my parents were stressed out by running us all over the place, we could never tell. Now that we're both out of the house, my mom told me they really miss it! They still go to all of the high school football games to watch the marching band and go to the competitions even though neither of us participate and only a few of my brother's friends are left. However, they relied quite a bit on carpools and my mom was a stay at home mom for part of the time and worked school hours the rest of the time. Even with all of our activities, they stayed pretty active with them. All of our marching and concert band performances (sometimes driving hours... sometimes sitting through hours of squeaking clarinets), all the dance recitals and martial arts expos, coaching and scorekeeping basketball/baseball/softball, practicing for hours for 4H competitions, and being assistant leaders for Girlscouts and Boyscouts.

My parents really didn't do it for recognition either. They sacrificed a lot to make sure my brother and I were in atmospheres where we thrived and set us up to be prepared for that active lifestyle in college without their physical support. But that's what worked for MY family- it certainly wouldn't work for every family and kids should never be forced into that sort of lifestyle unless it absolutely suits their personalities. If kids are feeling exhausted and stretched thin, then something is very wrong.