I Need Help...

[sirron]

I find your posts to be far above the expressional capacity of most fourteen year olds! I get the impression that you are indeed a most intelligent young man, or you are here just sort of fishing for some stimulating interaction. Both are okay, obviously.
I sense that you lean toward logic and a 'black and white' world, no? It is a sad fact of life that many parents cannot provide what their children need. Your father gets defensive when questioned about very real topics involving emotion and personal responsibility. I agree with another poster who suggested finding a mentor, possibly someone who is as into all things scientific. You have some great role models, i.e., Hawking, Asimov, etc. I trust that you will someday outshine any and all expectations. I wish you truth and blessings.

[Jill1972]

Originally Posted by hatemenot

Okay so I am a teenager, and my dad and I have a very limited and closed relationship. He was there for me up until I was 3 or 4. Then he got depressed and let himself go. He became obese, but he's since lost a good amount of weight.

The problem is, he's never gone to one of my school recitals or choir concerts. He's only gone to one Christmas program in the 2nd grade. He never taught me how to be a boy, how to fight, how to deal with girl problems, how to play certain sports, or anything that normal teenage boys learned from their fathers. So it finally hit me that he doesn't care for me much. He has 3 other children from his previous marriage, who are all over 18. He's always treated them with the utmost respect, and I was usually the maid. He never let me talk to them when they were there, he'd always make me go to my room.

What finally blew my fuse was this past autumn. We had just moved into a new house in a new area, and I had made a friend who lived a few houses down. She had an older brother was a Freshman in high-school, very athletic, captain of the football team, Straight-A student, very obedient, and he had a beautiful girlfriend. Everything a parent could want, right? Well they came over for dinner one night, and since it was nice out we went outside. My friend's brother wanted to play catch with someone, so I offered but my dad said he would. I looked at him for a minute and then went inside. So a couple of days later I woke up and I couldn't find my dad.(my mom was working.) and so I looked outside. There he was playing ball with her brother. So I was going to ask if I could play and he asked me to "Get us some drinks." so I sighed and got them. Then when I thought I could play he told me, "You can go in now." , So I did. I cried for a while. I knew he never really liked me, but to purposely make me jealous out in the open like that?

So anyway, he never really went anywhere with me. It was always mom and me. I really don't think that he wants a son who is overemotional, depressed, very overweight, not athletic, quiet, and just sort of abstract. I'm not very popular. I have friends and things, but I'm far from popular. Whenever I talk to him about it he gets mad and then accuses me of lying or back-talking him. So then I try to tell my mom about it, but she just agrees and brushes it off.

I just don't know what to do to help him anymore. He won't go shopping with us, he won't go out to dinner, he's the definition of pessimist, he never plays or does anything with me, and he never wants to spend time with me.

So in my opinion, I sort of think that the way I am today is because of his neglegence towards me. My weight, however, is my own fault. I'm not the average teenage boy, which is good, but I'm not what any parent would want. I know my mom loves me, and my dad says he loves me, but sometimes I don't think he means it.

So in your opinions, do you think he loves me but just doesn't want me as his son. Do you think that he might not be over his last marriage? Do you think that he just doesn't like me? I don't know any more. To me, it seems that he just doesn't care for me. I wish he would've taught me how to be a boy, and play sports like every other guy, so I could have fun.

All replies are appreciated. Thank you~

My advice to you is to print this post out and leave it for your mother and father to read. Don't say anything aboug it. Don't ask them if they've read it. Just leave it somewhere you know they will find it, and then leave it alone.

If nothing changes, then you have your answer. But sweetie...life can be very very good, even when your parents are not. There are so many avenues you can pursue to learn sports and increase your coordination and athletic ability. You don't need a "dad" to do that.

As a matter of fact, you don't need a dad to become a man. Your dad cannot "teach" you to be a man. Your parents can guide you and set an example for you, but they cannot make or break who you become.

You seem very thoughtful and introspective, and very wise for such a young man. You have what it takes to be the very best you can be, inspite of your parents.

Best of luck to you.