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Old 03-25-2009, 11:21 PM
 
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What kind of help is there?

he is 19 years old. He has no permanent place to live (bounces around between a few people), and has no car. Has only a minimal job (working around 10 hours a week).

He also is ineligible for FAFSA loans for college because he got caught with a small amount of marijuana a couple years ago.

He is thinking about joining the military because it seems like it would be the only way for him to be able to get on his feet. I said that i thought it was a good idea, because i dont see many other options.

what other options, if any, is there for him besides the military to get out of this mess?
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Old 03-26-2009, 12:12 AM
 
2,466 posts, read 4,201,759 times
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If he is having so much trouble getting on his feet why don't he come and live with you until he does?

Is he in this mess beause of drugs? You said he got busted for maryjane a couple of years ago. Is it possible he needs to get into some rehab? If his lack of finding better employment is due to drug use then maybe he needs to get help getting off the drugs first.

I know the economy is in a downward spiral right now, but surely he can find even a couple of part time jobs that would help him get on his feet and keep his head above water.

Sounds like he really has no motivation or true direction. So if it's not drug use that is keeping him down, then something else is. If that something is just pure laziness and lack of responsibility, then maybe the military would be good for him. The military, Army especially, has a slew of career training opertunities and he can learn while on the job. Afterwards if he wants to continue his education the military usually helps out with college expenses.
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Old 03-26-2009, 05:03 AM
 
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What about Job Corps? I have only read about it, but it sounds neat.
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Old 03-26-2009, 05:14 AM
 
Location: Fayetteville, NC
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The military specializes in giving 19 year olds direction. The Army is taking lots of folks with minor criminal history.
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Old 03-26-2009, 05:57 AM
 
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The military has my vote. The Army will inspire him.
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:04 AM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,258 posts, read 12,587,428 times
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It is not the Army or any branch of the service's job to raise this man. He is a man at the age of 19. Someone has been clearing the path all this time and enabling him to goof off. Tough love which means you are accountable for your actions is the only way. Everyone makes mistakes but only the individual can correct them. Do not believe the military will take someone with a criminal history no matter how minor. This is not always the case. Only give him advice if he ask for it. Advice is free, that is all he should receive from anyone. Let him become a man. Good Luck. BTW I have raised four sons.
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:14 AM
 
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Hi! The military is a wonderful career, with many opportunities for those that feel called to serve and WANT to serve - not because it is a last resort. The military statistics for alcohol/drug abuse, suicide, divorce, depression are very high.

The numbers of young adults turning their life around by joining the military are small. I won't tell you it doesn't happen, it does, but not to the extent "civilians" think it does.

Todays deployments are very stressful. When your son matures and is self motivated then I would look into the military. But until then, he will only be a danger to himself and to his unit. Don't push him, when he gets his act together, the military will still be there!
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:26 AM
 
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Other options? How about a full time job, save some money, go to school. Works for a lot of young adults!
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,098,007 times
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Default 19 Year Old In Trouble

"he is 19 years old. He has no permanent place to live (bounces around between a few people), and has no car. Has only a minimal job (working around 10 hours a week). He also is ineligible for FAFSA loans for college because he got caught with a small amount of marijuana a couple years ago.

He is thinking about joining the military because it seems like it would be the only way for him to be able to get on his feet. I said that i thought it was a good idea, because i dont see many other options. what other options, if any, is there for him besides the military to get out of this mess?[/quote]

First of all, why is he on the streets from place to place at age 19? Why can't he live at home? Unless this kid is a chronic drug user, refusing to work at all and is robbing you blind then why as a parent are you not helping him out? He needs first of all to either ask his present job for more money per hour or try to find one that pays better. If he truly wants to go to school, he can work during the day and take a couple of classes at a time which he can pay for with the increase in his pay or perhaps his new job. No Car? Again...he won't have a car until he gets a better job and a safe place to live where he is not spending his last dime on eating out because he doesn't have a home to go to. This is such a vicious circle for him and I can see his frustration.

Yes, he would get everything he needs from the service but if he can't get a loan for school from the Government are you sure he hasn't had a felony conviction for the pot? If he got into trouble for just a "little bit of pot" it shouldn't have caused him to not be able to get a loan from the Government for school. Someones leg is being pulled here big time.

OK..sit this 19 year old down for an honest talk. Consider having him live at home if all he does is the pot thing..,.that can change. He is NOT going to pull out of this on his own and with no guidance. He appears to be floundering all over the place and needs some help. If he were my son, he would be at home with me and we would TALK.

My son stayed at home with me until he was 25 but he had his own space..paid his own cable, phone, and half the rent. He worked a full time job and went to school a couple of nights a week until he got his degree. Although going to school for Architectural Engineering, he worked in a factory as an errand boy for the owner until he was done with school. He is now married, has his own house, a beautiful wife and a great job as a Project Manager for a large construction company...oh, he has had his own vehicle since he was 16 and I only helped him get a GOOD vehicle when he graduated from night school.

I am sorry, but even though this kid is 19, you still have some parenting left to do and if you think otherwise then he is always going to flounder. Grab him by his bootlaces and help him out!!
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,763,873 times
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Unless he is violent or has more problems than the pot, I also vote for having him come home. Your job isn't done yet. He's still very young and he can turn himself around.

What was your relationship like before he left home? Did he respect you and obey your rules? Did he graduate from high school?

Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 03-26-2009 at 08:47 AM..
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