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We offered for a friend's child to stay at our house while she attended a funeral out of state. We've had problems with this child trying to take our children's toys home with her in the past, but wanted to help out her mom. Her mother is a single parent and adopted her when she was a few weeks old. The girl is now 10 years old.
As my wife was putting the girl's medications in her suitcase she found a few of our 10 year old daughter's mini stuffed puppies. Upon further search my wife found more of our daughter's stuffed animals.
We learned from our daughter that the friend had been whining the entire weekend about how she should give her the puppies. My daughter buckled under the pressure and gave in. Because stuffed puppies are my daughter's favorite and most cherished possessions, I knew it had to be pretty bad for her to give in. We took the puppies out of the suitcase and while taking the girl home my wife shared with her that we found out what happened. The girl gave the deer in the headlights look. Busted!
We have already decided that the child is no longer welcome in our home. However we're allowing our daughter to continue to be friends with her at church if she wants. However, the dilemma. Do we tell the mother? If so how do we approach the situation?
Are you saying that the girl took the toys without your daughter's permission or that she convinced your daughter to give her the toys? If she took the toys without permission, I would absolutely tell her mother.
IMHO- Why not let the girl continue to visit? She may have learned a lesson, and having her in your home will provide you with more opportunities to encourage and teach her stuff like truth, honesty, forgiveness. You can always gently remind her that you know she made a bad decision in the past but you think she deserves a chance to try to be more respectful in you home and to her friend, your daughter. This incident lends itself as a teachable moment for her, and your daughter. And you never know what impact you can have on this young girl, if you are willing to expend the effort...
give it some time perhaps. And if there is another incident, possibly speak with the mom...actually having the girl admit the issue to her mom in front of you so maybe a resolution can be found.( Suzy you have something to tell your mama and we need to talk about it....)
Just having the girl as a friend 'at' church kinda blows the reason for church outta the water, hmmm?
What about your daughter? Was she really bullied or is she just too weak to stand up for herself?
I would be more concerned about her. There is going to be a lot of peer pressure in the future. She needs to learn to stand up for herself. I think your daughter needs to earn these toys back so next time she doesn't give them up as easily. JMHO.
I think you need to teach your daughter to stand up for herself. I think it might be a good idea to allow her to associate with this child even in your home because you can keep better track of how she responds to someone who might have a stronger personality then her own. She is going to meet people in the world like that, don't let your daughter grow up to be a doormat for them.
I wouldn't say anything to the Mother unless the child took them without telling anyone but frankly if your daughter gave them to her, even if she was pressured, I wouldn't say anything.
If you see that this girl continues to bully your daughter thats when I would say something to the Mother and think about not allowing her in your home.
You might even sit down and talk with both of the children about it and point out that (great time for a lesson about the value of money) that you her parents purchased these items for her because she LOVES them so much. That you the parents don't have the money to buy them for everyone and that your daughter shouldn't be giving away her toys because of this reason.
My daughter went through a stage where I explained the value of things by how many barbie dolls you could buy rather then that particular item, then we moved on to video games for the Nintendo Wii. I would say something like, you realize with that much money you could buy that video game you wanted, or that extra controller you wanted. AND now we are onto clothes, so I use that as well. That way they learn to weigh their options and that things like the puppies don't just magically show up from nowhere in particular.
Okay first off this mother will become highly offended . I would talk to your pastor and let him see if he can talk to her . I can tell you from past expierience that this woman will no longer be your friend or friendly with you if you confront her about what her daughter did . also teach your daughter that it is nice to have compassion for someone but you cannot go around giving away her things . I would most definately not allow this girl in my house again . You dont know what will come up missing next , yes I think you have made the right decision not to allow this girl in your home again . good luck .
Does the little girl have any toys herself? If not I'd be glad to buy her a few stuffed animals...It' heck to grow up without a few toys...
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