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I am still wondering how the woman has kept the child away for six years yet "never sends her with clothes, toothbrush & toothpaste" and why on God's green earth would you expect your husband's daughter to arrive with toothpaste.
She is not coming to a hotel, she's coming to her daddy's house.
Does she need a sleeping bag and pillow, too?
lol...no disrespect to the op, but have to agree with this...and yes, his obligation lies with his first children as well as the new children he made with you. She is no less important or deserving.
If he was providing child support and insurance....*someone* had to know where to send the check and/or insurance cards.
Insurance is through the military and you really do not need a card for that. The child support is being paid through the district attorneys office and they claim they did not know where she was.
lol...no disrespect to the op, but have to agree with this...and yes, his obligation lies with his first children as well as the new children he made with you. She is no less important or deserving.
I never said he didn't have an obligation to support his first child and it does not matter my kids with him are going to be taken care of reguardless, because I do not need a man to take care of me or my kids. I was in the military for nine and a half years and I would still be in, if I didn't have to get out for medical reasons. If you have not seen your child for almost six years, the mom should have at least sent clothes to last through the first visit and when a child tells you that they only go to the dentist when they need a filling or for school exams and their teeth are discolored, you already know why the mom doesn't send her with a toothbrush or toothpaste. Who knows maybe she does not have one at her house. People can say what they want, but nobody knows what really goes on. Whatever happens, happens. If the district attorney is getting the money and they will not tell you where the other parent is, then what are you suppose to do. She is receiving benefits from the state of Ca, and paying back money that she has already received from them,because she said she didn't know where the father was, so who knows if she gets the child support or not. I am not going to take away from my kids, because the mom wants to be a *****. So be it in the end the child is the one that is going to be hurt. I do not misttreat her and I treat her like my own, but when she gets attitudes because she can not have her way, I am not having it. So who knows what really goes on in the other household.
Insurance is through the military and you really do not need a card for that. The child support is being paid through the district attorneys office and they claim they did not know where she was.
When I was on my step-dad's military insurance, we had to show our military ID card. (that was years ago, and it may have changed). On that card was the ID number. Even if all you have to have is the ID number, that is enough to trace the care. No doctor I know of is going to take for granted that just because someone says they are on the government insurance as fact. There has to be some proof. Anyways.... any care recieved through the insurance can be traced by the billing. Your husband has access to that information. He can find the pediatrition and with the shared custody order demand the medical records.
As for the child support, they too have a way of tracing the information. They do not put the money under a rock and hope that the right person will pick it up. If your DH would have filed a contempt of court order for her disappearing with his daughter, he could have gotten that information (through the court system). They cannot release location information without a court order because if someone were to use infor gotten from their office and did something illegal (like kidnap the child back) the DA's office would get in trouble.
I don't know all the laws regarding child support, but it enfuriates me when the non-custodial parent thinks they shouldn't pay as much because the visitation isn't as frequent, or the custodial parent is married and makes more money. We are obligated to support our children regardless. Marrying into wealth, or not seeing the child, whatever the reason, does not relieve the other of their part in supporting that the child.
If it is way above your means, contest it. If they don't do anything about it, you'll just have to re-assess your situation and make adjustments. That child deserves what she is due.
Why was this woman able to get away with keeping the child from her dad for so long? What is the issue with this woman not working while you also stay home? His daughter should have her own clothes, toothbrush and toothpaste at your home already; at the very least a toothbrush and toothpaste.
I had a co-worker go through hell with his child's mother. They were not married and were only dating for a couple of months and both of them being irresponsible created a child. When she found out that he didnt want to be with her but was willing to take care of his child, she went ballistic and harrassed him every chance she got (we all worked together). I'm talking restraining orders had to be taken out on her because she would try to destroy his property at work. Judge gave him a 3 yr restraining order against her after hearing the evidence. He had to have her arrested because she was outside trying to get into the gate. He tried to get full or joint custody of the child, judge said no, you can get 8hrs a week and in 6 months we will re-evaluate you and give you a couple of more hours. Child support was set at $649 per month. After numerous meetings with a mediator an agreement could not be reached. She told the judge that his family doesnt like her and might try to harm the child. I have known her for years and she is kind of out there. She also has twins by this other guy at work whom she would humiliate at every chance she got, they even was called into the managers office for it. Sad to say in the end he has chosen not to be in the childs life but he pays child support and medical. This was a sad situation thats why you have to be very careful whom you lie down with. Sorry if I went off topic
LOL, all these baby mamas nd ex-wives trying to simmer their resentment in order to sound over-it when most are actually still bitter...
I sympathize- I am seriously dating a guy who has a daughter that not only does he have joint PHYSICAL custody of but also keeps getting swindled into paying for more than his half of the child's needs. Now the mom, who has chosen not to "work" but instead helps with her father's business (and gets paid under the table) wants to file for child support because, according to her unemployment status, she now makes much less than he does.
My guy moved from his residence on the other side of the country, left his home and well paying job to be closer to his daughter and be a father to her. Because of the move, he has a mortgaged home he has to pay for (while trying to rent and recover the cost). He has had to take a significant decrease in income- about 80% decrease. They agreed to split the childs costs down the middle, but she finds ways to arrange it so that he often gets stuck with her part. She wont take the child to the doctor when she needs to, she will not communicate about issues regarding the childs behavior and well-being... in fact, when she does have her time with the child, she drops the child off on other people- all reports from the 5 year old. Half the time she's supposed to be with her mother, she's with cousins, aunts, and grandparents. But she wants more money...
Ridiculous. And he, because he doesnt want to traumatize the child any more than she is... and because he feels so sorry for her, pays it all.
And on top of that, when he gets her, she is often very unkempt. I've purchased things for the child, tried to take time to teach her reading, talk to her about how shes handling all of the changes in her life, and reassure her that both of her parents love her... but, on her own accord, she finds it a little hard to believe that her mother really does.
So... tetewanna, if your situation is anything like this, I sympathize although the toothbrush and toothpaste thing is a little weird- the child shouldnt be made to feel like she's visiting as a guest but more so that she coming home which usually means a toothpaste and toothbrush are waiting.
Godspeed with it... I know the child mother is expecting to try and calculate my future income as a physician into her child support scheme. What she doesnt know is, before my income starts rolling in, I'll have a law degree as well... and we'll just have full custody of the child as adequate documentation of all her bafoonery is being noted.
I never ment to make it seem bad about the toothbrush and toothpaste. I was just not prepared for her first visit when she came. We took her shopping and now she has all those things at our house. There are a lot of things that are coming out in the opening about this situation that is real fishy and the mother can never get her story straight about things. I just pray about it and put it all in God's hands, because he will do what is best. I am not working and I think she though that I was working that is another reason why she wanted more money, but when she found out she was a little upset. It is like she is doing stuff to try to spite us, but everything is hurting her and her family. I have always tried to be friends and work with her, but you can not be nice to everyone.
It really makes me mad when there is a father who wants to be a father, and the mother won't let him be the father he wants to be. Keeping a child away from their dad for 6 years is disgusting!
My ex has never paid me a dime of his court ordered child support. One year they did garnish his tax return and give it to me, but that's it. He now owes me $21,677.82 . Sure, I could sue him for the money, and then he'd either pay or go to jail, but then my kids will never see him. And then he can't pay cause he's in jail, and he can't find a good job when he gets out of jail either. So I'm stuck right now (He is not working or else it would be taken)
To the OP, unfortunately there is nothing you can do about what the court orders.
Child support is touchy, because the money is to support the child. So almost anything can be considered something needed to support her. If she isn't buying clothes with it, she can easily say it is for something else. You could keep receipts for anything you have to buy for her, but then they could say it wasn't a necessity and you shouldn't have gone off and bought it.
So, if you can't afford the court ordered support, you will be the ones cutting on your own expenses to keep on top of the bills. I understand that the girl is always asking you for stuff and saying mom never takes me shopping and buys me stuff. Kids lie. My kids say I never buy them anything, they have no toys, etc. They have a toy room! It's just toys and the bins that hold them! No, I don't buy them stuff everytime they want something, but I'm not made of money, and they will not die without some stuff. My kids do not have a lot of clothes. I have to buy them an entire new wardrobe every season because they will not stop growing, so I can't afford to buy a lot. And yes, sometimes my kids are dirty. They play outside and of course will get dirty.
Your idea of acceptable lifestyles does not mean the mom has to live her life according to your code. Some people want to be in clean clothes and primped all the time, and some people don't. As long as she is growing properly, she attends school, she's not abused, she is not sick all the time, you are kind of stuck.
It might be helpful to find out the laws where she lives regarding children being home alone and in charge of little ones, if it's not agasinst the law, then she is allowed to babysit. I'd like to know why she needs to be babysitting if the mom doesn't work, but that's just me.
If you truly believe she is not being properly cared for, than try to get custody.
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