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How do I get control of a 7 year old who talks back and is mean to his older brothers? He's driving us nuts and we need to get him under control before it is too late.
Is there a good book? I have a feeling some of you will tell me to be consistant. I know I need to do that but I am not always sure when to have him sit on his bed or take away his favorite things. At the rate he is going he would never get off the bed.
At 7, he's old enough to know right from wrong and to understand there's a consequence for his action(s). Does his behavior at home carry over to his behavior in school - ? What about sitting him on a chair in the living room for a few minutes so that he's facing the wall or even him standing in a corner where you can keep an eye on him (not in his bedroom) - ? Would also consider taking away a privilege (ie, going to a friend's or a special outing somewhere) but being realistic is important too, don't take away something and then later change your mind, consistency on your part is important for sure and I probably wouldn't go overboard w/ punishment either as you dont want his self-esteem to go down the tube (ie, make the punishment fit the crime, sort of), would also be sure praise him for good things he does as that's very important too, try to end things on a positive note (his apologizing to you, his brothers etc and maybe a quick hug after the punishment). Could he be bored at home, maybe getting him involved in a sport now that the weather is getting better might make a difference. That said, it's been a while since mine were 7 -
Last edited by Honeycrisp; 04-01-2009 at 09:23 PM..
You want to be careful about doling out continuous punishment. It defeats kids and their self worth.
Sometimes when you make a point of acknowledging positive behavior (not rewarding, but acknowledging) it helps to get them out of the self-defeatus rut and on a better track.
I don't mean to allow bad behavior, but kids, especially that age, get into a rut and your child and your reaction to his behavior feed off each other and things escalate.
When you stay calm and matter-of-fact, there's nothing to argue, your expectations are clear. When you get upset, he's getting a strong reaction and that's a payoff for him, but he does't know how to change the pattern, you have to.
Believe me, I've been there, and it doesn't take any more than calm and control on your part, and your son knowing that good behavior is a whole lot more desirable than bad.
I know that I've recommended this book many a time, but I'm going to recommend it again. Get the book, Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours, by Dr. Kevin Leman. I feel the guy hits the nail on the head and he has some great ways of how to deal with all sorts of issues.
I also recommend you sit down with your son and really find out why he is back talking and being mean to his older brothers. Maybe they are doing things to him that you are not aware of and he is tired of being picked on or whatever by them so he's fighting back the only way he knows how. Maybe the wrong child is being punished.
Oh please I was raised in an irish catholic family of 9 kids and if you talked back there was only one punishment and it was not sitting on your bed . it was lifeboy applied to your mouth and you held it there . I am not saying this is the correct way to do things but have you tried the "if you dont stop you are going to be spanked " method ? do you spank ? seems that is all I see my next door neighbor doing with her kids and I dont blame her cause the one is just a total brat !! she never wants to get in the car , she never wants to do anything she is told . The mother takes them to church and is trying to raise them the right way . I would reccomend threating him with a good old fashioned spanking because you are tired of the fighting .
ditto to the spanking. as long as it's doled out as a punishment, and not out of anger or as a release of emotion for you, it works wonders. my parents never hesitated to spank me when i had it coming (often enough ) and I turned out ok.
When I ask why he is so mean to his brothers he says he just doesn't like them. Most of the time they get along really well but those times he says mean thing or things just to annoy them really bothers me.
As far as spanking I can't say that it is wrong for others to do it but I could never inflict physical harm or put that much fear into my child. For us I think there are better ways.
I'm going to try putting him on the floor in the dining room where I can see him and I am going to give him a warning and then if he does it again he will be in the dining room. I am going to be more consistent. I think that is my biggest problem.
I'm also going to get the book that was recommended.
My eight year old has gotten quite a fresh mouth in the past year or so. What has worked the best is telling him that if he continues his attitude and talks back again, he will go to bed a half hour early. It KILLS him to go to bed and hear his little sister still up playing, so this has curbed it somewhat. It's a never-ending battle, though, to be consistent and aware. This parenting gig just gets harder as the years go by... I'm nostalgic of the times that my biggest worry was whether I packed enough diapers for a daytrip! And I know that in 6 or 7 years I'll be looking back and wishing my biggest problem with my kids was a "smart mouth."
Sometimes kids will say/do anything for attention - even negative attention. Sounds like he is the youngest of at least three boys and he is probably struggling to stand out. In the interest of not rewarding the smart mouth with any type of attention, I would check out the 1,2,3 Magic book. It was really helpful for us (especially my husband who is an over-talker). The premise is that once you and your kid discuss what the bad behavior is and everyone is clear on the expectation, there isn't a need to keep talking about it. You significantly reduce the chatter "Why are you so mean...?" and go right to consistent action (usually isolation). It was very, very effective when my son was about that age.
Are you and your other children modeling good behavior? I am not accusing you or your spouse or other kids but what does this kid see in his daily life?
Is he watching something with some sassy back talking character?
Maybe you can just shadow the child all day and see what is causing this. Maybe he is being bullied at school? Maybe he is frustrated with his school work?
I am anti-hitting...I don't mean to turn this into us vs. them...since you declared you do not believe in it, then you can try other methods.
Maybe, like pinetreelover says, he wants attention.
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) and I turned out ok.
