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A 17 yr old young man who has been kicked out of his own home, 2 sets of grandparents, a family friends and his uncle before being allowed in your house is a known offender.
That's not even close to the OP's issue....
I disagree... he was not BORN 17. The thefts began at age 8... they weren't treated as such and escalated. We were not aware of his previous thefts... again, things that your children, you and their friends all wouldn't have thought of as stealing, according to your posts.
And as far as "known offender"... all we knew was that he was supposedly violent. He SWORE he wasn't. We told him the first time would be the last time and I WOULD call 911.
He never raised his voice in those 3 months. Not once. He stole from us and the kids, but he never even raised his voice, much less got violent.
I was told he was "disrespectful to women". He was calmly disrespectful (yeah, I know stealing is disrespectful, but some don't even consider it stealing, so don't go there) to me ONCE... the day we told him he needed to make amends or leave.
Again, while I won't agree with the stealing label for the OP's case....we ALL agree what happened was wrong, as well as we would with your nephew who apparently didn't and wasn't taught that it was wrong. No one here is saying any of these incidents are ok.
Well, you haven't done much for my digestion either, but then your kind of unenlightened, spare the rod, spoil the child parenting never does. Let me guess, a two-time Bush voter, right?
I'm an liberal atheist Bush-hater and I think you're off your medicine.
Problem solving is always about getting to the cause of the problem. You don't see the advantage of the OP getting to the root of what is causing her kid to steal?
The root of it? It's easier to steal something than it is to pay for it. That's the root of it. It's not really a complicated paradox like why do lemmings jump into the sea.
That is not always the case. I’ve known kids who do something stupid once, maybe twice, and decide they don’t like the consequences our how it feels to do it. If I would have ever stolen from my parents I would have had to clean straight from the time I woke up until bedtime. My mother would have woke me at 6am and made me scrub walls, toilets, floors, windows, vacuum the inside of the couches and then spent the day up conveniently in my way while talking and laughing on the phone with my friends moms telling them every single detail of my day.
This is very good advice, my mom used hard labor like that, in addition to a spanking, early bedtime, etc.
No matter what you do....Spank, ground, embarass, its all better than what could happen down the road if he doesn't change and the state has to do the punishing.
No matter what you do....Spank, ground, embarass, its all better than what could happen down the road if he doesn't change and the state has to do the punishing.
I am trying to be rational here, because otherwise I will ground him until he is 18.
A bit of background: Back in February, when I got my desperately needed tax refund, I loaded my debit card info into my son's XBox so he could buy points to download an add-on for a game. That was the end of it. At some point in early March, over the course of 2 or 3 days, I had multiple charges for downloaded content on XBox, iTunes, and our PS3. (I previously had my debit info on the other machines for my use.)
By the time it was done he had "stolen" $124.25 from me via my debit card. I grounded him for 2 weeks from playing any electronic device that was connected to the internet. Re-payment issues still need to be resolved.
Well this morning I got up and he is playing a game on his XBox, online, and I heard him talking to his friends about a download that was released today. He asked me 2 days ago if I would get it for him and my response was that I would think about it. He apparently went ahead and downloaded it. I checked my bank account and sure enough, there's a debit from Microsoft.
He will be 11 in July and I am sure he knows better. He absolutely knew it was wrong but did it anyway.
What would you do and what do you think is appropriate punishment?
(No need to tell me to remove my bank info from the XBox - I've learned my lesson)
You're right, he absolutely does know better. In ADDITION to grounding him as you deem appropriate, I would give him plenty of manual labor at a very low rate to earn money to pay you back. Once he completes the required work (which should take several days of hard work), write up a time sheet, or something similar, and pay him what is owed to him. Just a note- when I say manual labor, I don't mean vacuuming. I'm talking picking up dog poop, scrubbing windows, washing floors, detailing the washing machine, scrubbing toilets and bathtubs- real work that is NOT pleasant.
Wait an hour or so, and call him over to you, and have him reimburse you for what he stole from you. You might choose to add interest or other "fees" to his debt. He will need to earn the money, touch it, feel it and taste it... and THEN lose it, for him to truly understand the concept and benefit from it. Feel free to PM me if you need further suggestions.
Well, here's the update. XBox and iPod are gone. I've been having him perform chores like crazy. Folding laundry, dusting vacuuming, etc. I had him scrub the whole pool on Monday. He is earning "chore money" via time and that's what I'll use to pay myself back. He's not a happy camper but I'm not so sure he's learning a lesson. He cried for a while initially but I don't think it is because he felt bad (at least at that time). He felt worse about not getting Halo 3 for Easter. I explained that since he spent $$ on some download, it prevented me from buying (a used) copy of the video game to go in his basket. It bothered me that he was more upset about that, than spending $125 plus.
I think that right now he understands and feels bad. We have been having conversations about "the big picture". His splurge on a download (for immediate gratification) prevented him from getting something he really wanted. He didn't look to the future.
We'll see how it goes. Thanks to everyone (and I mean everyone) for all of your advice!! While some of the ideas won't work for me, there are many that will. You guys rock!
Well, here's the update. XBox and iPod are gone. I've been having him perform chores like crazy. Folding laundry, dusting vacuuming, etc. I had him scrub the whole pool on Monday. He is earning "chore money" via time and that's what I'll use to pay myself back. He's not a happy camper but I'm not so sure he's learning a lesson. He cried for a while initially but I don't think it is because he felt bad (at least at that time). He felt worse about not getting Halo 3 for Easter. I explained that since he spent $$ on some download, it prevented me from buying (a used) copy of the video game to go in his basket. It bothered me that he was more upset about that, than spending $125 plus.
I think that right now he understands and feels bad. We have been having conversations about "the big picture". His splurge on a download (for immediate gratification) prevented him from getting something he really wanted. He didn't look to the future.
We'll see how it goes. Thanks to everyone (and I mean everyone) for all of your advice!! While some of the ideas won't work for me, there are many that will. You guys rock!
glad to hear it's going well, and best wishes!
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