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Breastfeeding: With my first, I attended La Leche League gatherings, read up on everything I could get my hands on and was ready with my Boppy, the lanolin, breast pads, foot stool, the list goes on. Then she was born. I thought, oh, this should be easy. It wasn't. I was exhausted and she had some head trauma coming out so she didn't want to suck on anything. I tried for about 45 minutes and she was screaming so loud that I stopped. The nurse took her back and gave her formula. After a good night's rest, we tried it again, but I think she liked the nurse's method of using a medicine dropper which kept her from sucking and having pain on her head, so I left feeling like a failure. I did purchase a breastpump so I used to pump, put it in a bottle and give it to her for 4 months straight, then gradually got tired and she was on straight formula after about 6 months.
My second came along and since I was more determined than ever, I told the nurses over and over again that I wanted to breastfeed. She was born and maybe I was just more comfortable holding a baby or she could sense my determination, but she got it right away. The nurses were very pro-breastfeeding and did everything they could to show me tricks, different positions, you name it.
Here's my "If I knew then what I know now" advice: Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing. I was lucky to do it for an entire year with my second baby. But you are not a failure and your kid is not going to be the class idiot if you are not able. My youngest who was breastfed for a year is not any further developed or any less clingy than the first one who didn't take to breastfeeding. The only thing that is noticeable is that my oldest who didn't breastfeed was sick more often. That could have been due to the breastfeeding or it could be because she was in daycare at 4 months. Either way, she is never sick now. I think she built up her immune system and now seems to not catch anything going around in her Kindergarten class. Some of those kids are sick nearly every week. Not sure if it's a good thing or bad...it just is what it is.
Stressing over the little things really does take away from what deserves your attention.
That the phase you are stressing over now is going to be replaced by another phase.
That relying on what you read or what every single other mother tells you is MORE valuable than your own intuition. You are carrying that baby & delivering it & raising it...not the other woman who is telling you that her child's mouth has never touched formula or that every toy in their home is wood.
It's not a perfect science or meant to be perfected. The more time you focus on doing everything perfectly right, the more likely you are going to be miserable & overwhelmed.
Babies have explosive poops that go through their clothing when you are 2 seconds from getting into the car & are cranky on holidays when the relatives & friends are other & are whiney when you are in a great mood & get painful gas at 3am & teeth & decide that sleeping is not necessary for an entire night...and ironically, those are the times that will make you a good mommy b/c those are the times that will test you & no book or manual can prepare you for those moments.
That giving your child formula or sending them to daycare or giving them babyfood from a jar does not make you a poor mother or your child any more valuable. And just b/c your baby is breastfeed and stays at home and you make organic everything doesn't make your child immune to what the world holds.
Honestly, I now know that just focusing on the present is far more valuable & beneficial to my children than anything else. They just want my time & my presence. And even to this day, I struggle with doing 100%. I do sometimes look back & say "Where has it all gone" and they are only toddlers!
I also wasted WAY too much time stressing over my pregnancy with #1. I regret it. For #2, I just relaxed & used common sense...it was much more pleasant for myself & my husband.
Every mom is different. And every child is different. We all have our different ways & values...but all our children are just as important & valuable.
Children do not come with manuals and every child is different. What is good for one is not always good for the other. What works for one may not work for the other.
My olderst son didn't walk until he was 18 months old. He was lazy then and he is still a bit on the lazy side. His sister that came along 4 years later was walking at 9 months.
As long as the doctor isn't concerned about anything, I wouldn't be either. Babies are not carbon copies of the last one, each is different.
That reminds me of the story I read in a humorous parenting book:
The first kid drops his pacifier and you swoop it up, put it into the disinfector you have sitting on your kitchen countertop, put it through a cycle and give it back to him.
The second kid drops his pacifier and you pick it up, run it under hot water, and give it back to him.
The third kid drops his pacifier and you pick it up, suck it off in your mouth and give it back to him.
The fourth kid drops his pacifier and he has to go get it out of the dog's mouth before putting it back into his own.
Was it "Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" by any chance?
Here's mine: there are no hard and fast rules. You will do what you feel is best for your family -some of it will work, some won't. Other people will do what they think is best, some of it will work and some won't. The two things may not agree. What works for one family or child won't necessarily work for another. That in itself, does not make one of these things wrong or right. I see young moms (and I remember being one) scolded for working, not working, breastfeeding, not breastfeeding, potty training very early, waiting on the potty training etc etc. But in all reality, there is no one way to parent. Just love them and enjoy them. Raise them up to be people you would want to be around. The rest works itself out.
Here's mine: there are no hard and fast rules. You will do what you feel is best for your family -some of it will work, some won't. Other people will do what they think is best, some of it will work and some won't. The two things may not agree. What works for one family or child won't necessarily work for another. That in itself, does not make one of these things wrong or right. I see young moms (and I remember being one) scolded for working, not working, breastfeeding, not breastfeeding, potty training very early, waiting on the potty training etc etc. But in all reality, there is no one way to parent. Just love them and enjoy them. Raise them up to be people you would want to be around. The rest works itself out.
Well said...and another thing I learned: What worked for your first is NOT going to likely work for your next child. Toys, soothing techniques, bedtime routines, traveling, eating, the list goes on.
I think you (and nearly EVERY post here) will tell all new parents that you should try and wear imaginary earplugs about so-called helpful advice.
Your kid is the most amazing, adorable, bordering-on-genius child in the world. If you thought so a few minutes ago, don't let someone (who probably doesn't know what they're talking about anyway) cause you to believe otherwise. So what if their kid is reading at an 8th grade level by age 4? So what if they were skipping and jumping at age 2? As long as your child can walk and go to the bathroom by the time they reach Kindergarten, you will be okay!
So, what were you worried about that in hindsight turned out perfectly fine? What lessons have you learned as a parent that you can share with others who may have kids going through the same thing or are at the same age?
Honestly, one of the most important lesson I learned was to cherish everyday with your children. You may have good days and bad days but they are your days! Time goes so fast.
Forget stressing over housework. Sounds easy but for some of us, it's a hard thing to let go of!
Kids develop at different rates. Try not to compare them.
My first didn't walk until 15 months! I didn't think she ever would! My second was walking at 9 months. Let me tell you, walking at 15 months is a lot easier on mom than walking at 9 months!
Relax and enjoy them and let them develop into their own personalities.
I definitely would not have complained quite so much when the kids were babies and toddlers if I had known what parenting a teenager would be like....
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