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Old 04-12-2009, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
Reputation: 4567

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ferretkona View Post
At 19 he missed that boat, it's big boy prison for him.
If he were out of control to everyone he would be put away for being crazy. Since this is directed at the parents it shows he has control.

Back 20 years ago I had a girlfriend who would come home from work at the hospital and berate me and beat me. When I asked her why she thought this was ok she told me she could not do this at work. I reminded her this was wrong at home as well, eventually I made her move out of my house.
OP never said that he is only "violent" towards her...he could ALSO be towards others.

If he is an abuser, he will have to find someone else to fulfill the need.
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Old 04-12-2009, 09:44 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,596,332 times
Reputation: 1319
Quote:
Originally Posted by marysunshine3864 View Post

p.s. I am a single parent and his father already took him in once and threw him out due to the same behavior. He has a car (which I pay car payment and insurance) so he has means of transport.
His father did the right thing and stuck to it. Take the car and send him on his way. Make him walk, he doesn't deserve any more than that.
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Old 04-12-2009, 10:22 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,591,773 times
Reputation: 2802
That is YOUR house! Kick him out and get a restraining order! You have let this go on far to long, you are enabling him by NOT kicking him out and allowing this to continue.

I could not phantom anyone disrespecting me like that in my OWN house or being so destructive towards anything in my house.. I can't phantom it because I would never allow it. I would have called the law the first time he pulled that in my house.

If you don't teach him his destructive ways has consequences, WHO will? (Look at what you ARE teaching him!)
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura707 View Post
I could not phantom anyone disrespecting me like that in my OWN house or being so destructive towards anything in my house.. I can't phantom it because I would never allow it. I would have called the law the first time he pulled that in my house.
I can't phantom it either and I would have called the police as well.

Something tells me this started LONG before OP's son was 19.
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:35 PM
 
8,862 posts, read 15,024,356 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
I can't phantom it either and I would have called the police as well.

Something tells me this started LONG before OP's son was 19.

Yes and if drugs are involved that complicates the problem.

Such a sad situation.
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Old 04-12-2009, 01:23 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,596,332 times
Reputation: 1319
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
I can't phantom it either and I would have called the police as well.

Something tells me this started LONG before OP's son was 19.
What I have a difficult time of fathoming, is the fact that he is getting away with it. He doesn't deserve a car, a roof over his head, food to eat. He needs to be put out and stand on his own.

Growing up, if any of us acted like that, we would have had the crap slapped out of us, then we would have had to leave.
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Old 04-12-2009, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,663 posts, read 26,702,320 times
Reputation: 5101
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
OP never said that he is only "violent" towards her...he could ALSO be towards others.

If he is an abuser, he will have to find someone else to fulfill the need.
If he was that out of control elsewhere he would get his butt handed to him, there are enough people out there that would slap him down. If he acts up in public like he has in her home he would be arrested.
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Old 04-12-2009, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
What I have a difficult time of fathoming, is the fact that he is getting away with it. He doesn't deserve a car, a roof over his head, food to eat. He needs to be put out and stand on his own.

Growing up, if any of us acted like that, we would have had the crap slapped out of us, then we would have had to leave.
She should have done something about it LONG before he was 19 as I was hinting at earlier.

She should have done things to prevent it LONG before that even.
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Old 04-12-2009, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by ferretkona View Post
If he was that out of control elsewhere he would get his butt handed to him, there are enough people out there that would slap him down. If he acts up in public like he has in her home he would be arrested.
True. Maybe he needs to be arrested for what he has done in her home.
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Old 04-12-2009, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,074,334 times
Reputation: 8562
Mother's guilt. KIDS play on that! DO NOT get swept up in it. You know you loved your kids, you know you raised him right. You have to move on and try to get rid of that tug that we mothers allow ourselves to get caught up in and which kids know and play on. Hand him the pink slip for his life. He is 19 - on his own, especially because of bad behavior. You did your part. Now LIFE has to teach him the rest. The sooner for him, the better. If something happens to him, it will not be because of anything you've done. We do not control to whom we give birth. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't. Just like the various apples on a tree. Such is life. Your job is over. Let go.
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