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Old 04-13-2009, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,663 posts, read 75,373,227 times
Reputation: 36174

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He is an adult. Go to court, follow the lawful eviction procedure of your state, evict him, and charge him with trespassing or break-and-entry if he comes back in. Photograph and document all damage.

Whatever else may be done down the road for his benefit, you need to have him out of your life as soon as possible.
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Old 04-13-2009, 10:14 AM
 
15,246 posts, read 17,137,876 times
Reputation: 25458
He's 19 and no longer a child.

I agree with the poster who said he needs a complete mental health assessment. He's not misbehaving or acting out in a way that punishment will help. You both need some professional assistance--you to protect yourself and him to figure out why he's so explosive and if there's any treatment that will help. Please get some help for yourself right away.
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Old 04-13-2009, 10:52 AM
 
Location: indiana
145 posts, read 272,134 times
Reputation: 113
No matter how long he has been acting this way keep in mind it is not your fault.At the age of 12 most young kids know right from wrong an to put the blame on your self in not true.With that being said I agree that you need to protect yourself get a protection order.Call the cops if he comes back.It is easy for most of us to say give up on him he is 19 and not your problem any more but the fact is he is not a child but he is and always will be your son.If it don't work out for him at his dads then give him no choice but to seek help at a jobs corps camp or something on them lines for your home area.If I was you start looking for them now for the just in case.Keep your head up and stay strong Because a scary thought is you may be helping his future wife when that day comes.
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,303,966 times
Reputation: 1654
Default Violent 19 Year Old Son

Quote:
Originally Posted by marysunshine3864 View Post
I have a 19 year old son with a violent temper. He has punched holes in the walls, kicked out spindles in my staircase, thrown everything imaginable at walls, kicked my appliances in the kitchen leaving dents in my dishwasher and a hole in the door of my fridge. He's spit in my face, and calls me horrible names. This has been going on for a while, I have tried to talk to him, love him, tough love, spoil him, counseling, medication, nothing has worked. He says he's that way because of me, but I honestly have done all I can. Today he took another nutty and threw a 16oz bottled water against the walls I just killed myself to patch and paint again for the 100th time, called me a very, very nasty name when I told him he was not welcomed back in the house. My daughter just called me to say that he came back took a full trash barrel and dumped it all over my screened porch. As I am writing all this I am thinking of course I am right to tell him to leave, but I feel so afraid that I will cave in. SOMEONE TELL ME I DID THE RIGHT THING? p.s. I am a single parent and his father already took him in once and threw him out due to the same behavior. He has a car (which I pay car payment and insurance) so he has means of transport.
This is not a child having a temper tantrum, he is a full grown adult with anger issues that could end up hurting you and your daughter both. If you have asked him to leave your house then when he shows up and tosses garbage all over the screened porch, call the Police! You don't say if your son is on drugs but it sure sounds like he is and I think you have only scratched the surface here with posting what he really is like. His behavior is typical of someone who is withdrawing from drugs. You don't say if he works, has money, etc??? If you have tried talking with him, taking him to counseling and everything else you mentioned above, then it is time to get him to stay away from your home until he can abide by your rules and be firm about it.

Are you afraid of caving in or are you afraid of him?? I think you should be more afraid that he will come back, that you will cave in and that this behavior is going to continue. Call the POLICE!. Find out how to get a restraining order on him then let go of him for a time.

Next on your list....get your name off of his car payment and off of your insurance. Do you understand the legal ramifications if your son has an accident with everything being in your name? You could lose everything you have and with his behavior, it is only a matter of time before the car becomes his weapon of choice.

There is obviously something very wrong with your son to be so angry and unless he is willing to have intense therapy, agree to no more violence and learn how to treat you with respect then he can live in his car, with friends, in motel...anywhere but where he can possibly harm you or your daughter. Good Luck...heartbreaking but also very frightening.
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Honolulu, HI
704 posts, read 1,340,341 times
Reputation: 584
I cant believe some of you people suggest he goes to prison. That really doesn't work as he will come out probably more violent due to being surrounded by violent criminals and it will screw him in the long run career wise as nobody wants to hire a person with a criminal record. How many people come out of prison straight and normal...

I recognize he is 19 so he can make his own decisions but maybe you should help him get into a sport or something that is violent. Maybe get him into boxing, hockey, rugby, or something where he can take his aggression out on something. I use to go to an alternative high school my senior year and many young adults with anger problems attended there as well. The methods they used was to get these young adults to take their energy out on something like a punching bag and lo and behold once they got tired down they would not act violent. From what I have seen firsthand most people that have anger problems have a lot of built energy that is not being used positively. Plus you also have to take into consideration he is 19 and hormones at that age can always make young men act weird.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:13 PM
 
8,862 posts, read 15,024,356 times
Reputation: 2280
Truly, adding legal problems to the existing problems will add stress and solve nothing.

If drugs are involved that is the first issue.
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Old 04-13-2009, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,780,319 times
Reputation: 4151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I agree with the poster who said he needs a complete mental health assessment. He's not misbehaving or acting out in a way that punishment will help.
It's not about punishment for god's sakes, it's about self-defense. He needs to be away from other people for awhile and then they can work on the root causes of what's troubling him--not to be allowed to use everyone else as a doormat while he figures it all out.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:06 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeAhike View Post
Truly, adding legal problems to the existing problems will add stress and solve nothing.
It might wake him up and help him understand the extent of the problems.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeyHolliday! View Post
I cant believe some of you people suggest he goes to prison. That really doesn't work as he will come out probably more violent due to being surrounded by violent criminals and it will screw him in the long run career wise as nobody wants to hire a person with a criminal record. How many people come out of prison straight and normal...
He wouldn't go to prison for any of this. From what OP described, it's just property damage offenses. Those are pretty minor. He'd spend a few days in jail at the most....possibly enough to wake him up.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:14 PM
 
8,862 posts, read 15,024,356 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
He wouldn't go to prison for any of this. From what OP described, it's just property damage offenses. Those are pretty minor. He'd spend a few days in jail at the most....possibly enough to wake him up.
The OP needs legal advice beyond the scope of an internet forum.
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