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Old 04-14-2009, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,074,334 times
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You're absolutely right TakeA. Very compassionate response, and I hope the OP is legitimate because there are people who care, but caring for the mentally ill in the US leaves much to be desired. There is such a lack of good care that so many people don't receive it, or at most, it's not ongoing due to bureaucratic regulations and criteria.
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou View Post
You're absolutely right TakeA. Very compassionate response, and I hope the OP is legitimate because there are people who care, but caring for the mentally ill in the US leaves much to be desired. There is such a lack of good care that so many people don't receive it, or at most, it's not ongoing due to bureaucratic regulations and criteria.
If he is SEVERELY mentally ill and refuses to get treatment on his own, OP could file a petition with a court to get treatment ordered even with him being 19.

That said, it takes an extremely severe mental illness for that and he seems (from the posts) more like a defiant entitled teenager than someone who is literally insane.

I'd say to see if he'll agree to a comprehensive mental health assessment. If the assessment results in him being diagnosed with a severe mental illness, get him help. Otherwise (or if he refuses the evaluation), boot him out on his butt and possibly consider police involvement.
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:18 AM
 
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It does worry me that the OP has not responded in a while. If this is a legit post, I hope that nothing has happened to her or any of her children.

It worries me because from the sounds of it she has been trying to get help for her son for some time now and it hasn't done her or him much good. So she was left with no other choice but to kick him out to protect herself and her daughter.

Whether anyone wants to believe it or not, sometimes jail time does work for people with violent tendancies, if for nothing else it keeps a record of a person's actions. Judges are pretty good about ordering a person to go get help in some form or fashion for the first offense or two. If they see the person again in their courtroom for a third or fourth time, then it shows there is a pattern of violent behavior and it would be for the betterment of society that they be locked away some place like a mental hospital or prison before they can cause any further harm or damage.
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:10 PM
 
9 posts, read 64,112 times
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Default ferrekona...

YES!! That's the key. He absolutely knows how to behave himself in front of others. His girlfriend and his buddies hate me because he's not a big tough guy with them, only his old mother. I am seeking therapy for ME, because I have tried to help him medically, therapy, drug programs, which he says he doesn't do drugs, but I know he smokes pot, and he refuses all of it. Anyway, it's a terrible feeling to be like this, STUCK in neutral, I can't seem to make a hard decision and stick with it. Now my 21 yr old daughter who I've been really close with, wants to go live with her father because of her crazy brother and my seeming unwillingness to do anything about it. I want to sell my house and just move away and not tell anyone where I am going.
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marysunshine3864 View Post
YES!! That's the key. He absolutely knows how to behave himself in front of others. His girlfriend and his buddies hate me because he's not a big tough guy with them, only his old mother. I am seeking therapy for ME, because I have tried to help him medically, therapy, drug programs, which he says he doesn't do drugs, but I know he smokes pot, and he refuses all of it. Anyway, it's a terrible feeling to be like this, STUCK in neutral, I can't seem to make a hard decision and stick with it. Now my 21 yr old daughter who I've been really close with, wants to go live with her father because of her crazy brother and my seeming unwillingness to do anything about it. I want to sell my house and just move away and not tell anyone where I am going.
What is your 21 year old daughter doing? I hope she is either in school or working and helping with household expenses. Otherwise, she shouldn't be living with you either.

As far as the son, you've tried to help him. Maybe you could offer to help him again only after he has been on his own for 1-2 months and he comes to you and ASKS for help. I wouldn't offer to do a thing unless/until he does.

Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 04-14-2009 at 03:35 PM..
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:19 PM
 
9 posts, read 64,112 times
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I actually have taken his to be evaluated by psychiatrist, during which he was diagnosed with depression and ADD, he was given medication, and after about a month, I looked to see how much he had left and should we get a refill, he had taken maybe 4 pills. He refused to take them, made him sick he said, I wanted to take him back to get something else, he refused to go. At present he is out of the house, I am not sure where and it's making me pretty sad.
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:24 PM
 
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Oh my daughter is graduating college in May. She's the complete opposite of my son, and I love her to pieces, but you see how my son now is putting a wedge between myself and my girl. She doesn't want to be around him. I did everything for her too, with love, the difference is that the love has been reciprocated, so she has been the only light in my life for a long, long time, and I am about to lose her to her father, who ironically has done NOTHING for her or his son. Sorry that sounds so bitter, but God help me, it's the truth. You see what a spot I am in?
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Subarctic Mountain Climate in England
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Chuck the bugger on the street and let him learn the hard way. Then he'll see where how far his attitude gets him. If 'es dead in a year, well there we go. The world is becoming overpopulated with self righteous little sods who waste the oxygen and wreck the place.
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,409,137 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marysunshine3864 View Post
Oh my daughter is graduating college in May. She's the complete opposite of my son, and I love her to pieces, but you see how my son now is putting a wedge between myself and my girl. She doesn't want to be around him. I did everything for her too, with love, the difference is that the love has been reciprocated, so she has been the only light in my life for a long, long time, and I am about to lose her to her father, who ironically has done NOTHING for her or his son. Sorry that sounds so bitter, but God help me, it's the truth. You see what a spot I am in?
Yes. I'm glad to hear that your daughter is doing well.

Your son's ADHD diagnosis makes sense. Kids with ADHD tend to run about 2-3 years younger in maturity than their actual age. Your son has the maturity of a 16 year old. That's not all his fault. It doesn't mean you should put up with it, but the lack of maturity plus the other effects of ADHD help to explain some of this behavior.

The other thing is that boys whose fathers are/were not involved in their lives often struggle A LOT. I see it time and time again. They are more likely to get into all kinds of trouble. The ADHD plus dad out of the picture is like two storms converging.

Did your son graduate high school? Does he work? Is he in college? Has he ever had any police involvement?

I'm not, by the way, trying to suggest that your son shouldn't be held accountable for his bad behavior. Tough love is in order and you did the right thing by throwing him out. I'm simply trying to help you understand that it's not all your fault.

Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 04-14-2009 at 03:48 PM..
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,074,334 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marysunshine3864 View Post
YES!! That's the key. He absolutely knows how to behave himself in front of others. His girlfriend and his buddies hate me because he's not a big tough guy with them, only his old mother. I am seeking therapy for ME, because I have tried to help him medically, therapy, drug programs, which he says he doesn't do drugs, but I know he smokes pot, and he refuses all of it. Anyway, it's a terrible feeling to be like this, STUCK in neutral, I can't seem to make a hard decision and stick with it. Now my 21 yr old daughter who I've been really close with, wants to go live with her father because of her crazy brother and my seeming unwillingness to do anything about it. I want to sell my house and just move away and not tell anyone where I am going.
I get so tired of these sons who bully their single or divorced mothers. From what you say, then, it doesn't sound like he has a mental illness - just extreme self-indulgence. Go to tough love groups if you can because you really need to show him what's what. Can't remember if you said you called the cops on him or not. I recommend it.

No kidding. How many times have some of us just felt like going away somewhere -- especially if you have no support.
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