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Old 03-30-2007, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,328,685 times
Reputation: 892

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Wow...I am soo amazed by the different responses and they are ALL good. Different points of view and you could honestly imagine al the scenarios. Unfortunately we can only give our advice and hope that it all works out for the best. Your son is to be commended and you have taught him well. Do not punish him over this, let him know that you are proud of his choices. Do continue from a close distance to keep up with his friends "guilty by association" is so very true.
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Old 03-30-2007, 06:18 PM
 
Location: NE Florida
9,362 posts, read 22,337,260 times
Reputation: 9263
You're right- no real right or wrong way to deal with it. You had the opposite advice as I gave and I can see either (or all the others' who have posted) as being the right way to go.

As the mother of a young adult and a teen, I like to remind myself that the only thing harder than being the parent of a teen is being a teen!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
I don't think it is conspiring with the children being as I am not working with them towards doing something. As for turning the other cheek, that would be if I ignored the situation. I am making them aware of it through my son. I am trying to give them a warning to let them know they're not as slick as they think they are...that a parent is onto them...they made a mistake and if they don't want to be grounded by their own parents for the rest of their life, to not make that mistake again.

Honestly, there really isn't any right or wrong way to deal with a situation until a specific way is tried, and then it would be found to either have worked, or not worked. This is how I would deal with the situation. It could blow up in my face. Then again, telling the boys parents for the 1st time they did something like this-or at least go caught for it, (otherwise the poster would have mentioned it) could ruin the child, have them retaliate against him...possibly turn that innocent children into a depressed, miserable child because now his friends left him.

If teenagers want to drink, they are going to find a way to do it, no ifs, ands, or buts about it...even if they get caught.
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:03 PM
 
4,781 posts, read 1,930,601 times
Reputation: 4017
Thanks for all the advice.

I forgot to mention I live in a small town. All the parents know each other. Not as friends but we run into each other all the time around town.
I'm thinking if I do not say anything to the parents and it comes out later it could come back on me.

I talked with my son. I told him I looked at his my space. He told me the truth that the boy took the booze from his Dad. While the parents were asleep and he didn't drink.

As far as the girls:
One of them goes to our church and attends youth group with my son.
Small town and small church.

She sent a message to my son. I pretended I was him and sent a message back. It went like this.

the girl: Hey we should hang out sometime after school.

me: Sounds cool. What do you want to do!

the girl: we could go to someone's house and .........
She then got real sexually graphic on what she would do to him

Me: Print..................This is being sent to your parents. This is __ Mom.

She got off line fast...We'll as soon as she could delete herself off my son's account.

The other girl. Had asked my son to meet her and made it clear why? She said she would call him when her parents aren't home?
I sent her a message on My Space : This is _______ Mom. He will not be meeting you. Please do not contact him anymore. She had the nerve to send a message back to me and ask if they could still be friends.
I was so blown away by the things these girls were saying.

I told my son what I said to the girls. I was suprised.
He said , "Thank you" they won't leave me alone.


I'm 5' 5 and my son is 6' 2. But he is still my little boy.

Last edited by DBNN; 03-30-2007 at 07:12 PM..
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:12 PM
 
2,833 posts, read 9,603,614 times
Reputation: 1651
DBNN, I sent you a private message. You can PM me if you want, just trying to help
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Johns Island, SC
797 posts, read 2,695,491 times
Reputation: 1090
Good Job DBNN! I think you did the right thing. God Bless!
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:25 PM
 
4,781 posts, read 1,930,601 times
Reputation: 4017
Quote:
Originally Posted by I LOVE PA! View Post
DBNN, I sent you a private message. You can PM me if you want, just trying to help
Thank you!
I will send you a pm as soon as I can.
It's dinner time here.
We'll time for me to cook dinner !
I will be back on here later.
Thanks again
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Old 03-30-2007, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Florida
540 posts, read 1,105,031 times
Reputation: 164
Default tough call

Quote:
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post
My Oldest son is 15.
I snooped on his my space. I found out a couple interesting things.

1) There were two different girls (age 15) talking very dirty to him.
The girls wanted to meet up after school.


2) Last weekend my son went to a sleep over. I have always felt comfortable with my son spending the night there .
We know the parents and they are both school teachers.
We'll the school teachers son stole a bottle of booze and all the boys (the 5 boys my son has hung out with since grade school) got drunk, except for my son.
I know this because the boys (on my space were calling my son a chicken for not drinking).

I feel like pulling my son out of school, turning off the phone and internet and locking my son in his room .

Do you have any other suggestions?
Should I call the boys and girls parents?
That really is a tough one. It is great that he was not lead by peer pressure, he has strength. Since the boys have been friends a long time, could you have them over to your house and show a film on the consequences of drinking? (or something like that) Let them know that you are concerned. I would reward your son, do something special.
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Old 03-31-2007, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Happy in Utah
1,224 posts, read 2,940,778 times
Reputation: 901
wo you have a real good boy there hope I do as well as you have with my son when its his teen years
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Old 03-31-2007, 06:24 AM
 
17,158 posts, read 22,167,733 times
Reputation: 31223
Quote:
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post
My Oldest son is 15.
I snooped on his my space. I found out a couple interesting things.

1) There were two different girls (age 15) talking very dirty to him.
The girls wanted to meet up after school.


2) Last weekend my son went to a sleep over. I have always felt comfortable with my son spending the night there .
We know the parents and they are both school teachers.
We'll the school teachers son stole a bottle of booze and all the boys (the 5 boys my son has hung out with since grade school) got drunk, except for my son.
I know this because the boys (on my space were calling my son a chicken for not drinking).

I feel like pulling my son out of school, turning off the phone and internet and locking my son in his room .

Do you have any other suggestions?
Should I call the boys and girls parents?

the good news, is your son didnt drink, pat yourself on the back for that one, peer pressure is intense at that age!

as for the dirty talk on my space, from the girls, ,,,well, the girls seem to be much more agressive and suggestive today than when i was that age (damn!)

i believe all kids will be introduced, or exposed to alcohol, cigarretes, and drugs, and as parents we all hope they will make the right decisions, and of course, it doesnt always happen(didnt happen when we were all that age)
ya know, this is a good time to score some decent points with your son, the knee jerk reaction is to smother him, and be angry with him in what you found out, but it may be a great opportunity to sit him down, try to talk with him, and set the stage (of conversation, without divulging, what you know, see if he offers, up anything, as in,,have a talk, about, you know he will be in circumstances, where substances will be offered to him, tell him you were also, just see if he opens up) if you become a parental dictator, he will close up, and possibly, rebel, to a point, he wouldnt have, i know this is a fine line, im a strict parent and have a son 15 also.
boys that age, and yes going thru puberty, peer pressure, are a mess, they are far from an adult, but want to be treated like one, but havent a clue about responsibilities, and consequences.
now, as a mother, you have to be careful how you even talk to him, if you talk with him, at the same tone and voice, when he was 12,,,he will close up on you, ,,,,i look at my son, and it seems only yesterday he was five,,,,,,but boys that age, hate to be called cute, ,,dont like hugs from aunts, grandmothers, that treat them,,talk to them like he's ten,
again, he's an emotional mess at this age, most kids are, and if he cant figure, or make sense of whats the right thing to do, whats going on the in the world around him, then its difficult for you to know also,
now if you founf out he was smoking crack,,,,id have a much different authoratative answer, but he did make a good choice NOT to drink when other kids around him drank,,
id have a talk with him,,see if he opens up, if he doesnt, then ask some pointed questions,,,was anyone drinking around you?? see what he says,,,if he denies, and is closed, then yes, id call the other parents, on any get togethers,,,,,,also,,,while talking with other parents,,throw out to them "have you heard, or are aware, of any kids, having alcohol, listen to thier response.


one last thing,,,this is a double edged sword, you cant believe everything you read,,although at the time, if its very serious, then,,,let your instinct take over, for instance, if you heard a boy drank at a party, and your son got in a car with him, then yes, you have a license, to go ballistic.

id try to have a calm talk with him first,,,and be aware of your tone of voice,,,,
good luck
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Old 03-31-2007, 07:46 AM
 
926 posts, read 1,327,531 times
Reputation: 513
Quote:
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post
My Oldest son is 15.
I snooped on his my space. I found out a couple interesting things.

1) There were two different girls (age 15) talking very dirty to him.
The girls wanted to meet up after school.


2) Last weekend my son went to a sleep over. I have always felt comfortable with my son spending the night there .
We know the parents and they are both school teachers.
We'll the school teachers son stole a bottle of booze and all the boys (the 5 boys my son has hung out with since grade school) got drunk, except for my son.
I know this because the boys (on my space were calling my son a chicken for not drinking).

I feel like pulling my son out of school, turning off the phone and internet and locking my son in his room .

Do you have any other suggestions?
Should I call the boys and girls parents?
I'm a newbie here, but really enjoy reading the posts. This forum, CD, seems to be so much more comfortable than most that I have seen, and not a bunch of trolls with little to say or do except jab barbs for attention. Kudo's to all of you good people here!

As for DBNN's thread here, I think one thing is missing. You are missing the fact that YOU and your spouse have done some very good things in influencing this young man and teaching him right from wrong. It takes a lot of courage at ANY age to stand up against peer pressure, and 15 year olds are probably up against more tests than any other age. Mega Kudo's to you!

As far as the myspace issue, I would definately tell him that you saw what was written and let him know how proud you are of him for standing on his own moral grounds inre the drinking. Let him know that you saw the comments from the girls too, and tell him that you would expect the same good judgement in choices in this matter as he showed about the alcohol. (Hopefully he isn't like me...I can DO without alcohol...but women?....lol..sorry, j/k), From what you've implied, he is a very mature and intelligent young man and should realize that you have every right to see what is written in the myspace...that is public anyhow.

I would suggest meeting with the parents that the party took place and let them know what happened and explain to them that you don't want any backlash to your son. They are both teachers and should be able to understand that. If it happened at MY house, I would want to know.
Please respond as to how this turned out for you, and again, congrats on a great job in parenting.
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