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Old 04-02-2007, 07:46 PM
Location: Mass.
345 posts, read 1,428,625 times
Reputation: 129


Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Monitor his computer use and, if you have to, GET RID of that My Space website. Those girls could (didn't say would) get him into trouble. Also, remember that some websites can/are monitored by law enforcement......don't let your boy get into trouble with them.
You sound like you have a "good boy" with a "good head" on his shoulders, but, depending on what he is thinking about when he reads those girls statements, that "good boy, good head" could go "bad" and you don't need that.
Talk with you boy and see what he says to you. If he does get mad at you for looking on his computer, just say "this is my house and I make the rules, PERIOD". "If I choose to look on your computer or anywhere else in your room, that is just the way things will be. I want to trust you in what you are looking at on the computer, but "My Space" is not a trustworthy website.
Any parent can/should be nice and loving to their kids, but there are times when that "nice loving parent" thing must change some for certain situations.

Oh how they give us grey hair!! My daughter wanted to set up a myspace i told her i wanted full access to it whenever i want. She had to accept my as a friend on her list. i and my husband monitor her site to make sure no weirdness is going on. If i see something i don't like i tell her to take if off. the was our agreement on her having myspace. Knowing their parents can/will look at any given time may just keep them in their place (i hope)...
Whenever, i have found out things that have happened with my dd (darling daughter) from other parents i just casually bring up what i know and start talking about i hear so and so does/smokes/drinks....

You could casually bring up a "movie" about kis drinking at one of the kids houses when the parents weren't home....and sonny, what would you do??
He then may say well that already happened and i didn't drink...then you guys could talk about it....hope this helps.
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Old 04-03-2007, 02:52 AM
Location: Seek Jesus while He can still be found!
3,093 posts, read 5,873,202 times
Reputation: 8078
Default Maybe you can teach by "BAD" example

I have no 'teenagers', therefore no advice for you, but I thought I'd share a recent headline here in Boise, Idaho. It is an extremely sad situation for everyone involved . Maybe this story will help folks to think twice about making alcohol so accessible to their children !
March 29, 2007

14-year-olds charged with rape

Grand jury decides to try Meridian teens as adults; they are in jail on $500,000 bonds and face life in prison

An Ada County grand jury determined late Tuesday there was enough evidence to charge two 14-year-old Meridian High School students on adult felony rape and sexual assault charges in connection with the attack of a 14-year-old girl earlier this month.

The grand jury indicted Ramon Baeza and Nathan Whitney on charges of felony rape and forcible penetration with a foreign object. The charges carry a maximum penalty of life in prison.
The indictment moves the case directly to 4th District Court, where felonies are tried. The teens are scheduled to enter pleas in the case April 4 in front of 4th District Judge Cheri Copsey.
Baeza and Whitney are each in the Ada County Jail on a $500,000 bond.
Grand jury proceedings, which are secret and closed to the public, often are used by prosecutors in sexual crime cases or felony cases where minors are victims to protect the identity of those victims.
The indictment means a preliminary hearing scheduled for early April to hear testimony, is now cancelled.
Meridian police say the boys confessed to sexually assaulting a female classmate March 9, according to documents and statements at a court hearing earlier this month.
Officials say at least six Meridian High School students gathered at Baeza's home that day, where they are accused of drinking alcohol and then assaulting the girl. Police say teens at the party photographed the attack with cell phones.
Both Baeza and Whitney are accused of sexually assaulting the girl while she was unconscious from drinking. Even hours after the attack, the victim had a blood-alcohol content nearly twice Idaho's legal limit for adult drivers, prosecutors said. The victim was treated at a hospital and released later that day.
Prosecutors said Baeza and Whitney confessed to assaulting the girl and that Whitney said the girl was too intoxicated to consent when he had sex with her.
Two other boys and a girl, also 14-year-old Meridian High students, are charged with felony injury to a child after being accused by police of leaving the unconscious girl in a Meridian neighborhood park later that day.
They have denied their guilt in juvenile court. Baeza and Whitney are charged as adults under Idaho statutes because the charges fit the criteria for violent offenses which are automatically waived to District Court.
http://www.idahostatesman.com/102/story/77387.html (broken link)
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Old 04-11-2007, 03:15 PM
Location: North Dakota Farm
322 posts, read 1,119,595 times
Reputation: 171
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post
My Oldest son is 15.
I snooped on his my space. I found out a couple interesting things.

1) There were two different girls (age 15) talking very dirty to him.
The girls wanted to meet up after school.

2) Last weekend my son went to a sleep over. I have always felt comfortable with my son spending the night there .
We know the parents and they are both school teachers.
We'll the school teachers son stole a bottle of booze and all the boys (the 5 boys my son has hung out with since grade school) got drunk, except for my son.
I know this because the boys (on my space were calling my son a chicken for not drinking).

I feel like pulling my son out of school, turning off the phone and internet and locking my son in his room .

Do you have any other suggestions?
Should I call the boys and girls parents?

This is a VERY tough situation that virtually EVERY parent will go through. We have 5 kids, 8, 10, 15, 18, & 21. The three oldest are boys and we have gone through pretty much this exact situation. This 'My Space' is getting old!!!! Too much crap that goes on.
My advice?? Which of couse is debateable, but this is what we said to the boys when we found similar stuff:

First, talk to him one on one (or both parents if you can...a better idea). Make him aware flat out that there is ALOT of disease out there. Tell him that you are giving him his warning now so he can listen or pay for any consequence later. Tell him you will not be responsible for any of his mistakes...if he gets a girl pregnant, catches a sexually transmitted disease. Make him VERY aware HE will pay the price and mom and dad will NOT be there to bail him out. Give him the choice of making the right decision or the wrong one, pointing out the consequences should he make the wrong decisions. Really, at that age, they're gonna rebel and do what they want anyways behind your back, but if they have a sturdy hand at home and a positive upbringing with good values, chances are he'll make the right choice and all that crap on My Space is just talk to impress people.

As for contacting the other parents...we never did. It's not our responsibility...we have enough with our own children, no sense in trying to control others' children. Let their parents do that.

This is just my opinion, and what we did (and are still doing) with our boys. Now when the girls hit their teens??? Hmmm. May be different..not there yet and NOT looking forward to it!!
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Old 04-11-2007, 04:17 PM
Location: Austin
2,120 posts, read 5,874,160 times
Reputation: 1389
When I was 13 or 14 my parents went through my stuff and found letters that greatly upset them. I felt extremely violated and it took a very long time for me to get over it. I wasn't even able to see that I was in the wrong for what I did; all I could focus on was their violation of my privacy.

I believe that you should begin by praising your son for choosing not to drink. He needs great encouragement from you, because he's not going to get encouragement for this anywhere else. In fact, you should spend more time building him up for this than tearing him down for the other things. Just because they're talking dirty in the letter doesn't mean that he's actually done something. Now would be a good time to ask have a discussion (not a lecture) about what his standards in dating are. He should do most of the talking here, you do the guiding. As a goal, I would think he needs to decide what principals he wants to live his life by so that he's able to compare his actions to that. Of course, it would be best if you caught this early so that you can have influence on those principals as well.

If you called the parents of the girls, you would humiliate your son. But, if you are truly friends with the boy's parents, you should call. Wouldn't you want them to call you? Keep in mind that you may hurt your son's relationship with the boy, which might actually work out to your pleasure considering the situation!
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Old 04-11-2007, 06:41 PM
Location: NOTfromhere, Indiana
341 posts, read 1,343,739 times
Reputation: 203
Do you know where our computer is? In a MAIN room. Do you know who DOESN'T have the password? My son. Do you know when he'll GET the password? When he's 18 and has his OWN computer. Why do parents allow their kids and teens online unsupervised? Do they not get exposed to and into enough situations offline? And please don't butter it with the 'trust' thingy. *headshake* Good LUCK!
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Old 04-12-2007, 01:01 AM
4,781 posts, read 1,933,835 times
Reputation: 4017
Originally Posted by Coyote_Blond View Post
Do you know where our computer is? In a MAIN room. Do you know who DOESN'T have the password? My son. Do you know when he'll GET the password? When he's 18 and has his OWN computer. Why do parents allow their kids and teens online unsupervised? Do they not get exposed to and into enough situations offline? And please don't butter it with the 'trust' thingy. *headshake* Good LUCK!
Well, did you know my computer is in "The Main room".
Thanks for the luck ! *headshake*
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Old 04-12-2007, 08:23 AM
Location: NOTfromhere, Indiana
341 posts, read 1,343,739 times
Reputation: 203
Then why did he have a My Space with content on it you had to snoop for? My Space has become VERY controversial because of the negativity associated with it. So even if your computer's in the main room...if you're allowing a 15 year old (prime age for hormones & such) online and onto a site such as My Space, you are asking for trouble. Peer pressure is everything at that age. If other boys are pressuring about booze & girls are talking dirty and you're having to snoop to know..it's a rather obvious fix. He'll be exposed enough to that just in school & on weekends. I'd rather be the badguy parent than the parent who's child is dead or in deep trouble because I wanted to be his friend and let him be cool on My Space. I was a kid that tested ALL the waters as a teen. Had my parents not stayed on me every second, no doubt I wouldn't be here. Just suggesting you tighten the reins. He's 15 not 21. Boozey buddies? No sleepovers. Fifteen year old boys aren't playing monopoly at sleepovers. Again, good luck!
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Old 04-16-2007, 02:22 AM
464 posts, read 687,459 times
Reputation: 143
I have 3 kids 19 - 13 - 10 (boy, boy, girl), I get on my 19's myspace and see whats going on and he knows I do, he gave me his password. I think alot of the talk is kids who try to talk big, not all but alot of it is.
He has a friend who I makes me nervous and my son knows it because we discusss this kids behavior and stupidity and he agrees and usually tells me whats going on. Now I said usually because he has tried to pull the wool over our eyes and my husband and I have busted him and he comes clean. Unfortunately it is part of being a parent of teenage/young adults.
You could tell the boys and girls parents but alot of people think that their kids can do no wrong and it is all the other kids. Case in point my sons friend, his parents are so blind and believe this kid walks on water I could have pictures of this kid drinking and they wouldn't believe it, it was a shame and he was set up some how.
DBNN, keep up the good work, monitor the myspace, communicate but I wouldn't tell the other parents. JMO.
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:34 AM
Location: Hell
606 posts, read 507,728 times
Reputation: 85
I'm not a parent yet.
but if I were him,I'll be mad if you do so
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Old 04-20-2007, 12:15 PM
1,229 posts, read 3,109,005 times
Reputation: 286
Great to see someone handle things so well and not go off the deep end here! Good for you!

Some rules that keep our home flowing smoothly are...

One computer that we ALL use is in the main room.
I meet friends and parents of friends and we do "outings" as my children are young.
We talk honestly and openly bout our feelings, rules and encourage feedback and input at all times.
We eat dinner together every nite at the dinner table, just like the good old days, we believe this matters.
We spend weekends doing family outings, almost always.
We take family walks at least 5 days a week at a local park, esp when weather is nice.
Are things perfect? No! But we do what we can to prevent problems and we monitor what we can and try to encourage our children to try new things, new hobbies and sports and etc.

SO far so good!!!

Nice thread btw!
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