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Old 04-20-2007, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Cary, NC
8,269 posts, read 21,872,064 times
Reputation: 5538

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OP, I haven't posted on this thread yet, but I've been lurking. I can see how it's really none of our business to tell another child's parents about the parties and drinking, but I keep wondering if it isn't the socially responsible thing to do to let them know so they can take care of it. I'm sure you could fingure out a way to handle it sensitively so your son wasn't caught in the crossfire.
I'd be forever grateful to anyone who clued me in if they knew my child was involved in underage drinking or drugs.
This has been an educational thread. I'm in the middle of this myspace junk myself with my child who is 12. Her friends all have myspace accounts and lied about their ages to get them . I made my daughter remove hers, but it seems there are other similar sites, not myspace, that they frequent as well that do NOT have age restrictions.
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Old 04-20-2007, 10:37 PM
 
Location: NW Atlanta
1,372 posts, read 4,763,156 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post
My Oldest son is 15.
I snooped on his my space. I found out a couple interesting things.

1) There were two different girls (age 15) talking very dirty to him.
The girls wanted to meet up after school.


2) Last weekend my son went to a sleep over. I have always felt comfortable with my son spending the night there .
We know the parents and they are both school teachers.
We'll the school teachers son stole a bottle of booze and all the boys (the 5 boys my son has hung out with since grade school) got drunk, except for my son.
I know this because the boys (on my space were calling my son a chicken for not drinking).

I feel like pulling my son out of school, turning off the phone and internet and locking my son in his room .

Do you have any other suggestions?
Should I call the boys and girls parents?
ok mom that is the only point you need to know your son made the right choice it didnt matter whatever else happened HE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE THE CHOICE HE COULD LIVE WITH as a mom you need to know that not only the choices you make but the choices he makes will shape him you need to let him know how proud you are of the choice he made and surprisingly he will do it again
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Old 04-22-2007, 12:08 AM
 
Location: Logan Square, Chicago
28 posts, read 84,571 times
Reputation: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coyote_Blond View Post
Then why did he have a My Space with content on it you had to snoop for? My Space has become VERY controversial because of the negativity associated with it. So even if your computer's in the main room...if you're allowing a 15 year old (prime age for hormones & such) online and onto a site such as My Space, you are asking for trouble. Peer pressure is everything at that age. If other boys are pressuring about booze & girls are talking dirty and you're having to snoop to know..it's a rather obvious fix. He'll be exposed enough to that just in school & on weekends. I'd rather be the badguy parent than the parent who's child is dead or in deep trouble because I wanted to be his friend and let him be cool on My Space. I was a kid that tested ALL the waters as a teen. Had my parents not stayed on me every second, no doubt I wouldn't be here. Just suggesting you tighten the reins. He's 15 not 21. Boozey buddies? No sleepovers. Fifteen year old boys aren't playing monopoly at sleepovers. Again, good luck!
The funny thing about this is, had there been no myspace page, she would have never found out about these things in the first place. I think that just as many bad things can happen without having a myspace page. My mother didnt' have any of those things as a teen and she got into all kinds of trouble. I've had IM since I was 12 and myspace since it first came out 4 years ago- I was 15. My parents always allowed me on those things but knew that I had no problem showing them at any time if they asked to see what I was up to. I never got into trouble as a teen. And I was very careful about what personal information I posted. I am 19 years old, and most of you would probably consider me to still be a child. Well I do not live with my parents, I am married with my own 17 month old child. Our parents know that my husband and I drink on occasion, never with our son at home of course, and we would never drive after. I do think that the way I am now is a result of good parenting.. having my freedom and privacy, but always being open and honest with my parents.

I guess my point is that you can't put TOO many restrictions on your kid. Obviously you have done a great job raising your son already, as many many teens drink and he chose not to. And he didn't seem to interesting in those nasty girls either which is a good thing. I do think you need to monitor him just because of his friends, but at the same time don't take everything away or he will hate you, and possibly rebel just to prove a point. Just keep doing what you're doing, make sure to keep an open line of communication, and I'm sure that everything will turn out okay.
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Old 04-22-2007, 03:02 PM
 
1,608 posts, read 9,035,441 times
Reputation: 936
Quote:
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post

I feel like pulling my son out of school, turning off the phone and internet and locking my son in his room .
That sounds good to me. Seriously though, a lot of people are turning to homeschool because of so many problems today.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DBNN View Post
Should I call the boys and girls parents?
Absolutely!
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Old 04-22-2007, 05:03 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,227,893 times
Reputation: 13187
Quote:
Originally Posted by mostlymel View Post
The funny thing about this is, had there been no myspace page, she would have never found out about these things in the first place. I think that just as many bad things can happen without having a myspace page. My mother didnt' have any of those things as a teen and she got into all kinds of trouble. I've had IM since I was 12 and myspace since it first came out 4 years ago- I was 15. My parents always allowed me on those things but knew that I had no problem showing them at any time if they asked to see what I was up to. I never got into trouble as a teen. And I was very careful about what personal information I posted. I am 19 years old, and most of you would probably consider me to still be a child. Well I do not live with my parents, I am married with my own 17 month old child. Our parents know that my husband and I drink on occasion, never with our son at home of course, and we would never drive after. I do think that the way I am now is a result of good parenting.. having my freedom and privacy, but always being open and honest with my parents.

I guess my point is that you can't put TOO many restrictions on your kid. Obviously you have done a great job raising your son already, as many many teens drink and he chose not to. And he didn't seem to interesting in those nasty girls either which is a good thing. I do think you need to monitor him just because of his friends, but at the same time don't take everything away or he will hate you, and possibly rebel just to prove a point. Just keep doing what you're doing, make sure to keep an open line of communication, and I'm sure that everything will turn out okay.
Very enlightening post, mostlymel. I salute your maturity and eloquence.

I had one kid who constantly tested boundaries, the younger one has not.

Isolating a child from the world works for awhile, but sooner or later they will be on their own. We have to decide how prepared we want them to be.

These days it is not easy to navigate the media, the technology, the influences, the trust issues.
Communication is the key, but not all teens, especially boys, are so eager to open up.
Talking to other parents is tricky...sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, but I seem to remember that more often than not, I did.
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Old 04-23-2007, 04:50 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,464,672 times
Reputation: 3392
Quote:
Originally Posted by tet tea View Post
I hope to "God" my son has such a good role model as you in a teacher when he is in his late teens. Awesome advice IMO.
DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-24-2007, 11:02 PM
 
3 posts, read 11,809 times
Reputation: 12
I have a 22 yr old son. A wonderful young man. He is staight edge. Graduated from a very high ranked H.S. and dealing w/ the different peer pressures as all young people do today. Unfortunately, there is much more pressure today, then when I was young. But I to made mistakes. I really feel that spying on your "trustworthy" son is not the way to go. Whatev er you read on his myspace, after the drinking night, confirmed that you are doing a good job. Your son not only respects himself. by not getting trashed, knowing the stigma from friends. He also respects you, and the rest of the family by listening to you when you talked and not putting anyone in the position that you may be hurt or embarrassed. I think you should discuss the situation with your son. Not telling him you were spying, but allowing a discussion that brings a similar situation to the table. Like some parents were talking about a few kids and this is how I feel about the whole thing, How do you fell about it? Again, I think if you show respect, you get respect and teach it. How do you think he turned out so well? You. This will continue to the next generation. Unless you have real reason for concern, no spying. I am happy to know that your son is going to be part of the future generation that us elders can trust.
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Old 07-07-2008, 10:46 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,253 times
Reputation: 10
Default wow

I hate to trash talk but many of you parents are out of your minds. First, for the parent who posted the thread I should mention that locking your son away for doing exactly what he should have done in a bad situation is rediculous. What are you going to teach him with that? He may even start giving in to peer pressure if you punish him, just because he wasn't rewarded for doing what he should have.
Also, ohmygod. Yes, lets flip out because girls asked your son to hang out after school! What could this mean?!

You're intrusive for going on his internet login. I understand you want to protect him but sneaking around is a lot like what you don't want your teen doing. You know you don't want him sneaking around behind your back and yet, you're doing it to him. Have some respect for him and maybe he'll have some for you.
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Old 07-07-2008, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,488,673 times
Reputation: 1706
Sounds like a good kid. I don't know that what you did really changed the situation though. He didn't drink when he could have. And he could have boned those two girls but instead saw them as a royal PITA.
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Old 07-07-2008, 02:53 PM
 
Location: in my mind
2,745 posts, read 12,877,521 times
Reputation: 1592
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
I am a parent too (and school teacher!) and here is what I would do:

Obviously your son made the right choices, despite peer pressure and didn't give in. I wouldn't at ALL punish him. In fact, I would reward him-honestly.I would do something special for him because that took more courage to resist, than it did to drink, and I would want him to know that respected him for that...it is building up trust, and I would want him to keep on making the right choices in the future. So I wouldn't punish him.

I also wouldn't let him sleep over one of their houses. AND, I also wouldn't tell on the boys. They could hate your son. Now yes, if my son was doing this, I would want to be told. I would tell your son to tell the boys that his mother found out, he doesn't know how she did (so he won't be on the sh&t list with them), is NOT telling on them...but the next time she ever finds out ANYTHING, then she will. This is a warning.

I remember being 15, and I too remember stealing alcohol from my parents, I remember my friends doing it...I remember getting "runners" (adults) to go buy us beer. I am admitting it is wrong, but unfortunately most teenages do these things. Luckily your son did not.
Totally agree with this GREAT post. In fact so far (I haven't read past this post) you've gotten great advice. I would rep everyone but I can't rep right now.

The last thing he needs is punishment. He did what we all hope our kids will do! He did the right thing instead of the popular thing... and since we CANNOT watch them all the time we can only hope that our lessons stick with them when it's time for tough choices. Your son should be commended!

My son (16) has a Myspace on the condition that I am on his "friends" list. The girl thing is an issue... girls mature so much faster than boys and I have been shocked at the little hoochies that are "after" him. It still comes back to having taught him well... getting rid of Myspace won't help unless you're also going to keep him out of school and anywhere else girls might be.

Just keep the communication open, let him know what is expected of him (even if you've done it before)... and hang in there. As others have said, if you weren't a good parent he wouldn't have held fast and resisted peer pressure like he did. It takes a LOT to resist that!
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