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I wasn't sure which forum would be appropriate for this topic, since it's more about family than parenting. So, hopefully the mod will move it if another area is more appropriate!
Here's the situation - my husband has one sister. They're not extremely close, but they get along when they see each other. They're both in their late 20's.
His sister accepted a job offer in our area a few months ago. That's nice, except that she didn't tell him. He found out a few weeks later from his parents. After he found out, he sent her an email congratulating her. She eventually replied, but didn't offer any information, such as when the job started, or when she would be looking for a place to live.
By the way, his sister is moving a couple hundred miles from her current place, so this is a big move. They don't have any other family in this area.
This week, my husband finds out, again from his parents, that his sister visited the area about a month ago to look at apartments. And, she decided to rent an apartment in our town. Of all the neighborhoods and suburbs in this huge metro area, she decided to pick our town. My husband had no idea that she was even considering living in our town.
We're very frustrated by this whole situation. Why didn't she contact him at any point in this process? Why weren't his parents surprised that they were the ones giving him all this information, instead of her? Was his sister ever going to tell him, or would we just have seen her around town?
Does anyone else think this is a strange issue to have with a sibling? What would you do in a situation like this?
You can find her and say, "Hey, what's up? Why didn't you call us and let us know?" But I'd do it in person and not on the phone. That would be the upfront thing to do so that you don't have to play guesswork which is very frustrating and gets you nowhere.
You can find her and say, "Hey, what's up? Why didn't you call us and let us know?" But I'd do it in person and not on the phone. That would be the upfront thing to do so that you don't have to play guesswork which is very frustrating and gets you nowhere.
That would be the sensible thing to do! I'm pretty sure that she'll give us an excuse like not having time to call. I honestly just don't think that she'll understand that we're hurt that she totally left us out of this.
If we're still frustrated when she finally moves here, that's probably what we'll have to say. If she wants to weasle her why out of the discussion, then we'll just have to leave it at that.
It wouldn't be a bad idea to let her know that it's hurtful by asking how she would feel if you people came to visit and saw everyone but her - not the same situation - but an analogy. And, you're right. If it goes nowhere, you'll have to let her be.
maybe she has something to prove. Kinda like... "I can do this myself... I don't need my brother watching out for me" It isn't mean as disrespect, but to show everybody (including herself) that she is an adult, not a baby any more.
Best to do is let it go, and, call her, and invite her over for supper. It is no big deal, offer her a friendly
ear, and go that way. When I was at one job, and many times near my siblings, they were married, I had to stay at hotels, it was work, and no
I never even did think to say here I am. They were busy, and me. I guess they got the news from home when they did call.
Honestly, I fail to see the issue or why it bothers you and your husband so much (to the point of hostility, it seems..). Seems if your husband was close enough to his sister that he should know about her plans... he would already know.
It sounds like you want to confront her and make her apologize to you because you are taking offense when (very likely) the offense was not intentional...
Skip the confrontation, let go of the drama you're making, and invite her over for dinner once she gets settled in. Maybe in time, she and her brother might come to have a closer relationship, but just because she lives in the area doesn't automatically make them closer..
My brother and I have this kind of relationship. I do not hear from him. My parents are the one who tells me what he is up to. It did bother me that he was like me. I just forgive and forget. I moved on and we chat at family outtings but other than that I just get info from my parents.
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