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Does your son get a lot of fresh air and exercise during the day?
What time is bedtime?
Is your son still taking afternoon naps?
Being called a poopiehead, to me, is not the worst thing that could happen.
Making a big deal out of it, to me, exacerbates the situation and gives your child the power and attention he wants, plus a big emotional scene is not exactly conducive to sleep.
A little redirection never hurt, either.
Maybe instead of saying "It's time to get your jammies on" your wife could say "Okay, do you want the Spiderman jammies or the ones with the fire engines?"
This gives him power in a *positive* way.
Exercise: He goes to a preschool and they play inside all day and have one or two times where they go out on the playground.
Naps: yes the kids take naps at the preschool. I have told them to not allow him to sleep the full 2 hours. That is way too long and I believe is one of our problems.
Bedtime: This is where we've screwed up. We don't have a routine down since I started working outside the home. Nine times out of ten I'm the one who stays up with him 'til almost 11 trying to get him to sleep. I used to read to him every night and get the routine...but I've slacked on that. Tonight starts a new routine. Thank you.
Being called Poopie head: It's not so much that he called her that specific name, it's the attitude behind it. When he says it, its with a very defiant and mocking tone.
Redirection: We've tried that option with the jammies and he just stands there and says hmmmmpphhh!! So she gets frustrated. I just say, okay, we're doing your truck jammies tonight. Sometimes I'll get the "no, I want my cars" then I'll give him the cars because he told me in a nice voice. But many times it's just hmmmmpph! So it's daddy's choice then!
Asthma: sometimes his attitude is directly related to his asthma. He has chronic asthma and we're also seeing a pediatric immunologist for him right now. When we give him a nebulizer treatment he will 5 times out of 5 fall asleep to it...which says his asthma is bad since albuterol stimulates! However the problem is that everytime he acts like this my wife wants to give him a neb treatment because she believes it's always his asthma. I disagree. Again, another area of contention. I try to tell her that he is a boy and these are things that boys do to get your ire up. I'm not always right but as an Irishman I sure put up a good fight sometimes.
Great thread. I think your situation is a common one for those of us who have boys (I have a 4 year old poopie head also). My kid is definitely more mouthy and noncompliant when he has not gotten enough exercise. "Enough exercise" used to be an hour outside; now it's MUCH more. This kid goes to preschool 6 hours a day (he has a slight speech delay and is in an intensive special ed program) and still comes home and is ready for more activity.
Also, the nap thing is key. Quit those naps. When my son was protesting going to bed, we started locking him in his room. I'll probably get crap for this suggestion, but it worked - we always unlocked the door right after he fell asleep, and it only took 2 days before he started happily going back to bed on time. Now, when he threatens dawdling around bedtime, we only have to say, "you don't want us to lock you in, do you." and he goes right to bed. Keep in mind that due to my son's delays and some of the other sensory issues he has, typical incentives and things don't work for this child.
I agree with the other posters that your son senses who is in power and who is not. Wife needs to regain her sense of authority. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the tabasco idea. I am so going to use it.
yes I agree with the locking in the bedroom (not doing it). While it may have worked for Gigi I'm not an advocate for it. And anyway I had to take his door off since he'd slam it shut...plus it was breaking because of it.
One time when I wrote for a magazine I had the opportunity to interview a Hollywood star that was popular in the 80s. She is married to another 80s TV star...I bring this part up because she and I talked at great lengths about child rearing...they have a lot of kids. We were having trouble potty training our daughter. This woman recommended I do what she did, everytime the child wet or pooped her pants you strip them down and either use a cold hose on her, or cold shower. Being an inexperienced and frustrated parent I thought it was decent advice...until I talked to my wife. She quickly showed me the error of my thinking and I'm forever grateful for that. Our daughter eventually learned to potty train...and I just feel for that other woman's children...and her husband too.
Raising boys now there's a challenge, they are of a different breed that's for sure, you have to remember there's a fine line between gaining respect & resentment, once crossed you loose it all.
At 4 yrs old things are still a game of sort & nothing is really taken seriously, whippings, threats & such to a 4 yr old can be turned into resentment against you then your going backwards instead of making any positive gains, be firm but yet in a positive way that a 4 yr old will understand, him getting up from the supper table when not done eating to go play for an example, show force in a way that makes you the boss not him as in no you get back up to the table and finish then you will play buy not before, toys scattered all over the place oh yea I know that very well lol, same thing there your not going to do .......... fill in the blank until these toys are all picked up & put away properly not just thrown in the corner, now your leader and he has become the follower of which he will understand, put them in there place but yet not in a negative way, choices, have him make choices of which it be in certain things as one poster has said so that he sees not all is against him and he has some say on certain things also, and what works on one kid may not on another then it's back to the drawing table once again.
It's really hard at times & very frustrating, as far as the out of control teen we can raise them to perfection, have all our ducks in a row but all it takes is for them to hang with the wrong kids and poof down the drain it all goes, we have no crystal ball to predict these things all we can do is our best & hope all comes out fine until those years have passed into adulthood.
I really can't go in to this right now, but you cannot force someone to respect you, but you can force someone to fear you, and they are not the same thing. Not to mention both of these are somewhat special needs situations. As for locking someone in a room...how do you know when they are finally asleep? Aside from that, that could be dangerous if you were to forget (it could happen) and there was a fire or something. Maybe this sounds childish, but try putting some tabasco on your own tongue, see what it feels like, then take into consideration that a 4 year old might have much more sensitive taste buds. That sounds just plain cruel to me, and it breaks my heart to see people being mean to their kids-EVER. Same with hitting kids-or does it sound better to say spanking?
Fuzzy--I totally respect you and enjoy all of your posts. I respect your feelings on this topic and do agree with most of what you said. I have to say that hitting and spanking are two different things though. If I hit my child it is out of anger, and is not out of correction. Spanking in our house is done for correction purposes only, and is on the bottom (nowhere else). I've been slapped across the face numerous times by my parents. I've been spanked in anger and with a leather belt. I won't do those things.
Do know that the correction that I give my kids is completely out of love. I want them to grow up to respect others and to lead a good life. If I don't correct their bad behavior, we will all suffer to one degree or another...especially the child. I am not an advocate for chlid abuse at all. I personally believe spanking it appropriate as long as it's not done in anger.
In regards to Tabasco...I had that done to me as a child and quite honestly it was an absolute last resort for my mom. It taught me real quick to not sass her. I was very mouthy. I'm not saying I am going to give my child a drink of tabasco...never! And I've read posts and pm's from mrshvo enough to know that she is a wonderful mom. I'm not sure if you are a mom and do not want to second guess anything you have or haven't done. If you haven't been in a situation it is so hard to say "I would never do that". Not saying you said that...I'm just saying this as I know many others will read these posts and not respond.
Respect can be encouraged, but it, unlike fear, will not be brought about with Tabasco or spanking. A parent must have self respect, and treat his or her child the same.
Hitting will indeed quickly stop a kid from whining or fidgeting or mouthing off, but to me, a parent modeling the correct behavior, as tedious and laborious as it may be, is the best strategy in the long run. For one thing, the kid gets to know *you* better, and vice versa. I am not gonna say that the palm of my hand never, ever touched my kid's butt. It did. But reflexively spanking, let alone going to the trouble of finding a wooden spoon or hot sauce, well I just do not see this as nurturing parental skills which will create long term positive results.
We all want to bring about the correct behavior.
The best way to do that is not always the easiest.
I really sympathize. I know how tired parents are at the end of the day.
::hugs to all parents out there::
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