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Old 04-25-2007, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,843,712 times
Reputation: 1650

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreameyes View Post
This is a terrific thread and I have so enjoyed reading and learning from it. Hoosier it's interesting to here what is working with your son and what is not. Thanks for keeping us posted. Well unfortunately I don't have any wonderful advice like these more experienced moms but lots and lots of questions!
My son just turned 3 and he is like pure energy. He is going all the time and boy does he want his way and if he doesn't get it he just throws a fit. How can I stop this behavior. If I take him up to his room to throw his fit I need to stay in there with him or hold the door shut because he will come right out. Is it ok for me to sit in there with him or is that hindering the situation?
The other problem (well that I can think of at this moment ) is that he is getting too mean with his sister (pushing, laying on her, tipping her out of her exersaucer) I don't think he means to hurt her I just don't think he understands that she is smaller and weaker than him (she's almost 1 and a complete drama queen; if he so much as touches her its bloody murder! but if I do it it's fine....what's up with that?) Anyways I've tried time-outs when he does this but again he just usually throws a fit although I have got it to work a few times. I'd love some advice from you very wise, more experiences moms and other moms going through the same thing. Thanks.
You have the right idea in dealing with the tantrums, but staying with him is why it's not working. Any interaction from you during this type of behavior will just make it go on. This is what has worked for me with my youngest. If the tantrum is at home, tell him you won't deal with him until he stops the tantrum and talks calmly to you....then walk away. Do not look back.
If it's not at home (like in a store) remove him form the situation and then walk away. This may be by putting him in the car and driving home, but even if you have to leave a whole grocery cart behind you must remove him and let him know you won't tolerate that behavior. Depending on how stubborn he is you may have to do this several times before he gets it. (My actual words to my kids were "That won't work, I'll talk to you when you stop.") My first son seriously only ever had one tantrum, he learned early. My second son litterally had about 15 before getting it. But it did work.

As for the hitting and shoving...boys act out physically. So you have to tell them that hitting/shoving won't be tolerated and timeouts are good as a punishment for that. But you also have to empower them with words to express their emotions. If little sister is doing something he doesn't like then he needs to tell you. As for the baby being a drama queen...well she's little and she's a girl...and yup girls act out verbally. She's a little young to discipline for that at this point so you really need to work your son's end of that one for now.

Good luck.
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Old 04-25-2007, 01:27 PM
 
1,703 posts, read 4,625,155 times
Reputation: 1093
Thanks Irishmom that's some good advice. I love that my little drama queen is a drama queen; I just think it's kinda funny that if her brother so much as touches her it's "misery" but if I do it then it's ok.
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Old 04-25-2007, 02:19 PM
 
Location: North Dakota Farm
322 posts, read 1,117,609 times
Reputation: 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
Hi there
When our oldest was about 3, he got a huge kick out of pushing his little brother down. After doing it a few times and getting in trouble, I wasnt get anywhere.
So one day I brought the oldest into his room, had him stand in the middle of it and I pushed him from behind. Then I asked if he liked it, he replied no, and I said ; thats what you are doing to your brother. I made sure he couldnt get hurt and only pushed him a little ; enough to drop down.

Some people will argue with it. But I tend to think that he learned what it felt like.

Both of the boys are close in age and with eachother.
dorothy
I agree that people may not agree with this, but sometimes that's what it takes. My youngest bit me once....and only once.... she bit my ear so I bit down on the tip of her finger, just hard enough to get her attention and the look of shock on her face...well, she got it (understood it).

I don't see as much of the hitting anymore in our house. There are still times, but not as many. I once tried the ok..hit her back thing, but that didn't work in that case. She hit her sister (right in front of me) so I told my older daughter to hit her back....again, this did not work....and would NOT recommend it.

I have noticed that sometimes in certain situations actually showing her what it feels like has helped. Although my main method is trying to explain what can happen as a result of her actions and what harm she could bring by doing them.
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Old 04-25-2007, 02:26 PM
 
Location: North Dakota Farm
322 posts, read 1,117,609 times
Reputation: 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishmom View Post
You have the right idea in dealing with the tantrums, but staying with him is why it's not working. Any interaction from you during this type of behavior will just make it go on. This is what has worked for me with my youngest. If the tantrum is at home, tell him you won't deal with him until he stops the tantrum and talks calmly to you....then walk away. Do not look back.
If it's not at home (like in a store) remove him form the situation and then walk away. This may be by putting him in the car and driving home, but even if you have to leave a whole grocery cart behind you must remove him and let him know you won't tolerate that behavior. Depending on how stubborn he is you may have to do this several times before he gets it. (My actual words to my kids were "That won't work, I'll talk to you when you stop.") My first son seriously only ever had one tantrum, he learned early. My second son litterally had about 15 before getting it. But it did work.

As for the hitting and shoving...boys act out physically. So you have to tell them that hitting/shoving won't be tolerated and timeouts are good as a punishment for that. But you also have to empower them with words to express their emotions. If little sister is doing something he doesn't like then he needs to tell you. As for the baby being a drama queen...well she's little and she's a girl...and yup girls act out verbally. She's a little young to discipline for that at this point so you really need to work your son's end of that one for now.

Good luck.

This is some GREAT advice!! I've had to do this a few times and it works!! I've even done the whole leaving a whole full cart behind, but the payoff was rewarding! They don't normally act up in the store now...it's now a VERY rare occasion.. Thanks for posting this!!
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Old 05-02-2007, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,292 posts, read 14,578,409 times
Reputation: 6980
Default Parenting toddler article and links from MSN

Hey everybody. I just saw this and thought I'd pass it along. Little long and there are additional links.

I didn't read the whole thing because it's not "my thing" anymore :-) but thought some of you might be interested.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/familyandparenting/raisingkids/articleab.aspx?cp-documentid=4688921&GT1=10014 (broken link)
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Old 05-02-2007, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Twin Cities
3,570 posts, read 7,779,341 times
Reputation: 5973
Quick update here. Things are going extremely well with my son and wife. She is being consistent and he's really beginning to listen more. Things are calming down so much at home. So much so that I'm able to take a short vacation with our daughter. We'll be in San Francisco area over Memorial weekend. I've asked my wife many times, "are you sure you can handle the boy?" She assures me things will go well, so I'm gonna take her at her word.

Before talking to you all about this issue I don't know if I could've taken this trip...thank you for your support!
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Old 05-02-2007, 02:59 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,168,811 times
Reputation: 13176
That's great, Hoosier guy.
I bet this time will be very special for both you and your daughter and your wife and son. Even if there is the occasional upset for your wife and son, I bet this time will bring them even closer together.
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Old 05-02-2007, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,292 posts, read 14,578,409 times
Reputation: 6980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoosier_guy View Post
Quick update here. Things are going extremely well with my son and wife. She is being consistent and he's really beginning to listen more. Things are calming down so much at home. So much so that I'm able to take a short vacation with our daughter. We'll be in San Francisco area over Memorial weekend. I've asked my wife many times, "are you sure you can handle the boy?" She assures me things will go well, so I'm gonna take her at her word.

Before talking to you all about this issue I don't know if I could've taken this trip...thank you for your support!
San Francisco??? Woopie Doo. I wanna go too!! I love SF. Get some sour dough bread by the wharf for me!
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Old 05-04-2007, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,843,712 times
Reputation: 1650
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoosier_guy View Post
Quick update here. Things are going extremely well with my son and wife. She is being consistent and he's really beginning to listen more. Things are calming down so much at home. So much so that I'm able to take a short vacation with our daughter. We'll be in San Francisco area over Memorial weekend. I've asked my wife many times, "are you sure you can handle the boy?" She assures me things will go well, so I'm gonna take her at her word.

Before talking to you all about this issue I don't know if I could've taken this trip...thank you for your support!
Oh that's a great idea! Make sure she does something a little out of ordinary with him that weekend. I take my boys on "dates" on alternating weekends...they love that only me time.
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Old 05-06-2007, 08:37 AM
 
7 posts, read 24,180 times
Reputation: 13
I am a single-mom having problems with my 3-yr old son. He is starting to behave indifferently only when I am around. And would say any word that he just learned and heard from anybody. If I told him that it is bad to say those words, the more he will say it. My friends advised me to talk to him a lot and spend more time with him. I try to tell him the bad words that he says to other people will hurt them, though sometimes I doubt if he understands what I'm saying I just keep going. The behavioral problems are mainly caused by attention seeking. So whenever I am around I try to shower him with all the love and attention I can give him. You're wife is lucky because you are there to take control of the situation but your boy should feel that mom is also in control,too.
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