Did leaving back your child (a grade) help? (average, support, parent)

[GypsySoul22]

I posted in the Special Ed. forum but I need some help.
My son may have to repeat fifth grade because according to his recent testing with a professional he is not socially or physically ready for middle school.

I would love to know if any of your kids were kept back and if it helped. He's a smart kid but limited by his disabilities. (again, mainly physical, immaturity, and social anxiety).

Thanks.

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by GypsySoul22

I posted in the Special Ed. forum but I need some help.
My son may have to repeat fifth grade because according to his recent testing with a professional he is not socially or physically ready for middle school.

I would love to know if any of your kids were kept back and if it helped. He's a smart kid but limited by his disabilities. (again, mainly physical, immaturity, and social anxiety).

Thanks.

I am confused. Can he do the work? If he can, what is he going to do the second time around in 5th grade?
I am not familiar with disabilities but I can't see how it would be helpful to repeat material he already knows.
Can he not get the help for the non-academic issues while in middle school?

[MilitaryCampMom]

They wanted to hold my son back in kindergarten because he was at the younger end of his class and was having some difficulty in school. I refused to allow this, because he was able to manage, despite his disinterested teacher. The school tried to convince me to hold him back by saying he would be "big enough to play football" throughout the rest of his schooling, which I thought was a silly mentality. He will be going into fifth grade next year, and he's doing okay in school. I don't regret not holding him back, but time will tell. I look forward to hearing what other people who have experienced this have to say on the matter.

[maciesmom]

We held my son back in 1st grade because he was struggling - we also changed schools. I think if he would have been in a different school to begin with he might have been ok. Who knows. It ended up being a good decision. He was only weeks away from the cutoff anyway and is small for his age. English is still not his best subject but he does well in math...He ended up with a really good group of friends and very well adjusted. For us it worked out great. Not to mention, my kids who are 3 yrs apart are 4 years apart in school so hopefully no college tuition overlap!

[cherry251]

If he is struggling and not capable of doing well in the grade, I think it would be best to keep him back a year to get him on track. Better do it while he is young rather than when he is in high school and too old to catch up.

[StilltheSame]

I went through the same dilemma this time last year with my kindergartner. Its is so hard and painful - my heart goes out to you. Hang in there. It was complicated by the fact that he is born early September so really should have been in PK not K. I thought we should consider holding him back but my spouse was adamant not to and in the end - we listened carefully to the school - they were not able to guarantee that holding him back would resolve his social issues and he was so excited about going to the next grade. As a parent I hate to think of him as struggling at all - so it was a very hard decision that I labored over for quite some time. In the end - we moved him forward and it has worked out well. He is now reading at a 4th grade level and doing math at 2-3rd grade - without any struggle. Go with your instinct. Educators may spend time with your children that you are not privy to, but at the end of the day, you know your children and what they need- dont let any professionals force you into a decision you doubt. Good luck.

[Minervah]

I do not have kids but I can tell you about my sister's child. He had a bad start in life; was born too early and had to stay in an isolete for a long time. The doctors didn't think he would make it but he did.

Then there was the worry of brain damage. How much could he learn? Was he normal? He spoke gibberish until he was four. His motor skills weren't the best. When it came time for him to start kindergarten, my sister made the decision to hold him back so he could develop a bit further in every way.

Today this "kid" is 45 years old. He has a beautiful wife and two great kids of his own. He rebuilds cars, is on their second fixer-upper home and is doing a great job of re-doing it. He has an MBA and a great job. He had to work hard for all of this but so do most people who didn't have his bad start.

By keeping him home and allowing his body and mind to make the extra time for the development he needed I think my sister did the right thing all those years ago. I don't think everyone gets to a development level at the same time. Some like my nephew need more time but the end results can be worth it.

My dad used to say when it came to comparing kids' progress, "You're raising them, not racing them." Let him move at his own pace.

[akck]

My brother and I are good examples of the benefit of holding back. My brother just made the cutoff date and I just missed it, so there was a 2 grade difference between us. My brother was always average through school while I was always well above average. It wasn't until college where we were closer in grades.

We've held back our kids from starting kindergarten so they would always fall on the older side and they have never had to struggle through school.

[CA4Now]

Find out if other fifth graders have been retained and what the outcome has been. What teacher would he have? How many students do they recommend being retained per year? What kind of support do you see coming from the staff?

We held our daughter back in kindergarten at the recommendation of her teacher. Apparently she could do the work but was "socially immature" (she was one of the youngest in the class). It helped her self confidence tremendously. Of course, you know your child best. It's a tough decision; good luck.

[maggiekate]

Originally Posted by GypsySoul22

I posted in the Special Ed. forum but I need some help.
My son may have to repeat fifth grade because according to his recent testing with a professional he is not socially or physically ready for middle school.

I would love to know if any of your kids were kept back and if it helped. He's a smart kid but limited by his disabilities. (again, mainly physical, immaturity, and social anxiety).

Thanks.

Could he be re-tested? Also could you ask him about his feelings, without saying why. If you do say no, will they do it anyway?
I had to repeat 4th grade, and it never did bother me. I did start school
way young and b4 they had a cut off with age. It is a hard choice, but, if he is not ready for the next grade, it does get harder. Also it depends alot at that age how you, and the teacher handle it.