what would you do if your child doesn't listen in this case? (teenager, average)

[hueimo]

Please help me with this. And please don’t tell me that my son is till young, so no need to worry about this…my son knows how to do simple Math, his preschool teacher gives the same set of simple math to all the kids in the class, my son is 4 and used to do it fast within 10 min. since about a month ago, he drags and wonders off in the class, looking at what other kids are doing till about 2-3 hours later, then he finishes his math within 10 min. but this is after those 3 hours of wondering around staring at other kids…the issue here is he knows how to do it and I checked this with the teacher, he just procrastinates till the end, no other kids do this in their class. At first, I thought he’s still young, give him a break, but I don’t want him to get into the habit on not following instructions in school while others do. On top of that, the teacher already cut his math portion in half, at first, it helped the situation, but now he’s starting to procrastinate again. The teacher timed him out, I took away his favorite toys and he cried, I even did the positive reward way to encourage him, nothing helped. I really don’t want to hit him, so please share with me your experience in this area. Also, one time he lied to me saying that he did his Math on time, but after I checked with his teacher, my son was actually lying to me and I got very mad at him. I said lying to me is worse than telling me that he didn’t finish his math till 3 hours later. So the second day, he didn’t lie, he just said he procrastinated on completing his math again, I still wasn’t happy, he then said, why am I still mad, because he is now telling me the truth that he procrastinated on finishing up his Math. Now... I really don’t know how to deal with this situation….

[maciesmom]

What is a 4 yo doing in a preK class that has them sitting down, performing schoolwork and also allowed to "wander around" for hours? Sounds to me like the problem is with the PK not the child.

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

What is a 4 yo doing in a preK class that has them sitting down, performing schoolwork and also allowed to "wander around" for hours? Sounds to me like the problem is with the PK not the child.

I agree. My dd is preschool and they do nothing for longer than 20 minutes.
Also if your son is bored because he knows the material he needs to be given more challenging work or allowed to play freely.

[aidxen]

4 years old and still on simple math. What about integral calculus or differential equations. I'd have the poor kid examined.

In all seriousness, a 4 y.o. has a concentration span of about 4 minutes.
Learning should be fun.

I would ignore it.
I agree that you dont want them learning to not do things so making a big deal of it teaches then that they can be stubborn and then you have to deal with that.

At home, sit with them and get them to do just one sum and then do something else.

[crazyme4878]

My son is the same way. He can tell you how a black hole is created, among a million other things, but he kept falling back in reading levels (he is in K). He is continually in his own little world and doesn't listen to directions well because of it. But he has some of the highest reasoning skills in the class and can understand complex subjects. So, here is my two cents:

My first thought is that he is bored. The teacher cutting back his work was the wrong path, if so. He wants something more exciting and challenging or at least fun. He has done the math and it isn't fun anymore.

My son was bored and frustrated with the reading program the class was using. His teacher switched him to an independent reading program, wherein he reads a new book every day. He loves it and it has improved not only his reading skills, but his whole attitude in class and at home. I don't know where he is compared to the rest of the class, but I really don't care--he loves reading now and pushes himself to learn new words.

So, (A)every child learns differently; (B)He might be bored and frustrated; (C)it is more important at this age that he learns to love learning.

At our last parent-teacher conference, the only skill not marked with an "S" was listening skills. However, his teacher (a super-strict, old-school, ex-army intel woman) said that that is just the way he is and will probably always be like that. I totally agree with the woman (for once). So, try to understand his needs and learning style. And slow down and discover his developing personality. Above all else, DO NOT PUNISH HIM!!! This will only go against your plans and will give him a complex. If the teacher won't work with him to help you discover your son's needs--change schools! I can't stress that enough.

And yes, make sure that he has tons of free play time for him to discover himself as well.

[FarNorthDallas]

When my son was in preschool the teacher complained about something similar. He just wouldn't do his "work" - such as it was in PK4. All the other kids would get their "work" done. I remember her telling me I would be in trouble when he got to kindergarten because he needed to do his work when he was told and she had never seen another child avoid work as much as my child. She was exactly right although I admit to thinking things like, "He's only 4 he should be playing."

He struggled with school from the get-go. Ultimately he was diagnosed with learning disabilities, with a high average IQ. The work avoidance has never gone away and he is a teenager now. He has spent the last 6 years in a special private school for kids with learning disabilities and they are well trained in getting work out of relunctant learners.

Hopefully for your child it's just a stage of some kind. I would not be too punitive though because there is a chance he can't help it. His brain might just be wired differently.

[Tia 914]

Originally Posted by hueimo

Please help me with this. And please don’t tell me that my son is till young, so no need to worry about this…my son knows how to do simple Math, his preschool teacher gives the same set of simple math to all the kids in the class, my son is 4 and used to do it fast within 10 min. since about a month ago, he drags and wonders off in the class, looking at what other kids are doing till about 2-3 hours later, then he finishes his math within 10 min. but this is after those 3 hours of wondering around staring at other kids…the issue here is he knows how to do it and I checked this with the teacher, he just procrastinates till the end, no other kids do this in their class. At first, I thought he’s still young, give him a break, but I don’t want him to get into the habit on not following instructions in school while others do. On top of that, the teacher already cut his math portion in half, at first, it helped the situation, but now he’s starting to procrastinate again. The teacher timed him out, I took away his favorite toys and he cried, I even did the positive reward way to encourage him, nothing helped. I really don’t want to hit him, so please share with me your experience in this area. Also, one time he lied to me saying that he did his Math on time, but after I checked with his teacher, my son was actually lying to me and I got very mad at him. I said lying to me is worse than telling me that he didn’t finish his math till 3 hours later. So the second day, he didn’t lie, he just said he procrastinated on completing his math again, I still wasn’t happy, he then said, why am I still mad, because he is now telling me the truth that he procrastinated on finishing up his Math. Now... I really don’t know how to deal with this situation….

too much structure too soon

[steelstress]

Is pre K really necessary?

[TouchOfWhimsy]

A preschooler does not need to be doing math worksheets. He has 13 years ahead of him of busywork and boredom... does this really need to start at age four?? I'd be looking for a new preschool, or better yet, just keeping him home to play with mama.

[2girlsand2boys]

Originally Posted by hueimo

Please help me with this. And please don’t tell me that my son is till young, so no need to worry about this…my son knows how to do simple Math, his preschool teacher gives the same set of simple math to all the kids in the class, my son is 4 and used to do it fast within 10 min. since about a month ago, he drags and wonders off in the class, looking at what other kids are doing till about 2-3 hours later, then he finishes his math within 10 min. but this is after those 3 hours of wondering around staring at other kids…the issue here is he knows how to do it and I checked this with the teacher, he just procrastinates till the end, no other kids do this in their class. At first, I thought he’s still young, give him a break, but I don’t want him to get into the habit on not following instructions in school while others do. On top of that, the teacher already cut his math portion in half, at first, it helped the situation, but now he’s starting to procrastinate again. The teacher timed him out, I took away his favorite toys and he cried, I even did the positive reward way to encourage him, nothing helped. I really don’t want to hit him, so please share with me your experience in this area. Also, one time he lied to me saying that he did his Math on time, but after I checked with his teacher, my son was actually lying to me and I got very mad at him. I said lying to me is worse than telling me that he didn’t finish his math till 3 hours later. So the second day, he didn’t lie, he just said he procrastinated on completing his math again, I still wasn’t happy, he then said, why am I still mad, because he is now telling me the truth that he procrastinated on finishing up his Math. Now... I really don’t know how to deal with this situation….

I agree with all the other posters that say that the problem is witht he preschool program and not witht he child. It seems way too structured for a 4 y/o. I taught preschool for serval years and we would have math centers where the children could explore with hands-on math materials. Any program that is expecting 4 y/os to sit and so structured math is settingthemselves and the chilren up for failure. Learning should be fun at this age and not just busy-work!

I also agree with the poster that asked if preschool is even necessary. What is the point of this program for your child? If it is taking him this long to finish his "work" even though he CAN do it in 10 minutes, he is obviously bored and is going to grow to hate learning. Why not just enjoy his little boyhood and wait a little longer until he is responsible for anything except play?