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Old 04-27-2009, 11:57 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,466,718 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
The reason important conversations usually come up in the car is because they have your attention but don't have to make eye contact....

I have found, especially now that my son is a teen, that he wants to talk at the oddest times - and I always listen because with a teen if you wait and put them off, you may have lost the opportunity.
My daughter seldom speaks in the car. She uses that time to be plugged into her music. She talks non-stop in the house though.

Losing the opportunity isn't the biggest risk. To keep an open flow of communication when they're teens is important. If you put them off or do not listen, they simply stop talking about everything. They'll go to their friends or the internet, but will stop depending on the parent if the parent isn't willing to listen when they want to talk (You know how their time is always more important.).
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Old 04-28-2009, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
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Of course listening to your kids is important but I have to agree with some other posters who favor balance rather than dropping everything all the time to give the kid 100% attention. The world isn't going to stop if they have to wait 5 minutes for my full attention. For example: This morning I was quick hemming up a pair of capri's for DD. She can be quite a chatterbox in the morning and we both know that not everything she has to say is 'important'. So she's chatting and I have about 6 minutes until her car pool comes...I can talk/listen or I can sew but I can't do both. We both thought finishing the pants took priority and whatever else she wanted to chat about can wait until she gets home. Oh, DH also called while I was sewing and I told him I'd have to call him back as well.

There are times when there isn't enough of me to go around and kids learning their place and to wait their turn is a good thing. I'd rather put them off for a while and then be able to give them my full attention than half-way listen right now. Everybody gets a turn but it may not be this instant.
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Old 04-28-2009, 07:14 AM
 
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You can't beat yourself up either. There are times they do need to realize they are not the center of the universe, that yes they are important, but they also need to be patient for 5 minutes and let mom or dad finish this task and then your all theirs.

I agree, be there for them whenever you can, but you also have to have time for yourself, as well. It also depends how often your kids "need" you or pester you . Mine do it alot, in fact every waking minute to the point I HAVE to push them away and set up boundaries or I won't get anything done until they go to bed at night.

If your child is more independent and doesn't ask much of you, then that makes it much easier to be there for them more often as those times are more precious together. I wish I had more of that. Mine is sadly opposite where I look forward to my time alone to do my own thing as I rarely get any (and thats sad).
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Old 04-28-2009, 07:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
Kudos to you to realize this.
Every once in awhile we ALL need a little conk on the head!
Lord knows I haven't met a perfect parent yet.

Your child will always remember they time you spend with him.
True, but they won't remember every single moment of their childhood any better then any of us remember ours. Its also important for the kid to learn patience and wait and that everyone will not just drop what they are doing to service your needs at this very moment in time. They'll remember the lessons you teach them and can carry on into adult life, as well. It will make them get along with coworkers, etc much easier if they learn that during childhood.

Not to mention there's nothing wrong with letting mom and dad have a quiet 5 minutes to relax and de-stress which makes for happier parents.
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,619,392 times
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A little side note: this thread reminds me of a little scene. Can't remember exactly where I saw it -- perhaps a movie, perhaps TV, perhaps Youtube? Doesn't matter, it's still cute. I'll try to recap, but you really had to see it:

Kid: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Mom: (exasperated): W H A T ?!?!?!?!

Kid (all sweetness and innocence): I love you...
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:21 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,107 posts, read 17,646,574 times
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I used to have friends that would get so mad because I would say to them "excuse me I have to interupt you because my child needs me " . then i would let them talk . You would not believe the anger that was shifted towards me because I thought that what my child had to say was more important that what someone else had to say . Yes absoloutly stop whatever you are doing and listen to your child right there on the spot it is obviously important to them . I always thought part of being a good parent was to listen right there on the spot no matter what I am doing or what is going on .
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:32 AM
 
Location: i liv in a town, on the world..lol.. wat about evry1 else?? hehe
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My mom say's she is always busy... she is... my grandma has her running all over for her (my granny is 75)!!! i like my mom to help her but then she don't have time to talk (or listen) to me and that ends up with us fighting!!!

i have a big family (of 7 people), so i understand that my mom is busy!! but i want her to listen to me at least when it is something important.

so please, please if you kid is trying to talk to you, listen!! it give's them confidence, in you and them-selves..

but thing that you will start listening to them!!! *high-fives for you* keep it up!!
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:36 AM
 
Location: i liv in a town, on the world..lol.. wat about evry1 else?? hehe
42 posts, read 70,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
My daughter seldom speaks in the car. She uses that time to be plugged into her music. She talks non-stop in the house though.

Losing the opportunity isn't the biggest risk. To keep an open flow of communication when they're teens is important. If you put them off or do not listen, they simply stop talking about everything. They'll go to their friends or the internet, but will stop depending on the parent if the parent isn't willing to listen when they want to talk (You know how their time is always more important.).
yeah that is how it got with me and my mom... but then we got better... then it starts to get worse, again, because i feel like she don't hear or understand me!!!
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,112,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by always-rain-lover View Post
My mom say's she is always busy... she is... my grandma has her running all over for her (my granny is 75)!!! i like my mom to help her but then she don't have time to talk (or listen) to me and that ends up with us fighting!!!

i have a big family (of 7 people), so i understand that my mom is busy!! but i want her to listen to me at least when it is something important.

so please, please if you kid is trying to talk to you, listen!! it give's them confidence, in you and them-selves..

but thing that you will start listening to them!!! *high-fives for you* keep it up!!
Can you go along in the car with your mom while she's running errands or offer to help? She would appreciate it and you'd have some one on one time.....
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Old 04-28-2009, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,825,943 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I used to have friends that would get so mad because I would say to them "excuse me I have to interupt you because my child needs me " . then i would let them talk . You would not believe the anger that was shifted towards me because I thought that what my child had to say was more important that what someone else had to say . Yes absoloutly stop whatever you are doing and listen to your child right there on the spot it is obviously important to them . I always thought part of being a good parent was to listen right there on the spot no matter what I am doing or what is going on .
Well maybe some kids are the center of the universe but mine had to learn not to interrupt. It's called MANNERS. How did you expect other people to respond?? It's rather rude to expect people to tolerate constant interruptions in conversation and you are actually teaching your kids to interrupt!! So if you are in the check out line and people are waiting but your kid wants to talk you stop everything....the cashier is waiting, people behind you are waiting...but hey, your kid is more important than they are. Oh, and wait staff just love this...they are ready to take your order but your kid has something more important to say so everyone will just have to wait. Yeah, I've had some phone conversations like that too....it's most annoying when the parent calls me and then expects me to wait on the line while they talk to the kids in the background...but that's OK, I'm not all that important I guess...even if you are the one who called me. I don't stay on the phone long. An emergency I can understand but if you are going to call me up or engage in conversation I expect you to give me the courtesy of your full attention, after all, that's what I'm giving you. If you aren't capable of doing that then we can talk later....like in 12 years when your kids move out. LOL

This is what we did when the kids were little. It worked marvelously. Of course if your child is the center of the universe this rule does not apply.

Interrupt Rule and other activities - FamilyEducation.com
Quote:
Interrupt Rule

Directions
I wish I had come across this idea when my children were younger. Although they've always been polite interrupters, even "Excuse me, Mommy" repeated twenty times can be annoying. Worse still is the adult who breaks off midsentence to turn full attention to the interrupting child.
  1. When you're talking on the phone or in person with someone, teach your child how to interrupt politely.
  2. Show her how to place her hand on your arm, shoulder, or leg. This will be her signal that she needs your attention.
  3. Place your hand over hers as your signal that you understand and will acknowledge her as soon as politely possible.
  4. Very young children should not be made to wait more than 10 or 15 seconds, but this time can and should grow longer as your child becomes used to this rule.

Last edited by NCyank; 04-28-2009 at 09:02 AM..
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