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Old 04-28-2009, 09:10 AM
 
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I try but my son has a learning disability and Asperger's Syndrome. Basically he cannot control his thoughts and gets very frustrated if he prattles on and on and I do not listen. (Some of this is also what I call "only child" syndrome!!).

I will listen while doing other things but life is so busy you have to multitask sometimes.

The only time I will ask him to stop is if he interrupts when I am speaking with my husband.
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Old 04-28-2009, 09:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I used to have friends that would get so mad because I would say to them "excuse me I have to interupt you because my child needs me " . then i would let them talk . You would not believe the anger that was shifted towards me because I thought that what my child had to say was more important that what someone else had to say . Yes absoloutly stop whatever you are doing and listen to your child right there on the spot it is obviously important to them . I always thought part of being a good parent was to listen right there on the spot no matter what I am doing or what is going on .
I agree with you that the kids are more important than most things most of the time, but allowing mom to finish a conversation is a part of life's lessons in manners and patience.

Letting them always cut in will teach them its okay to talk over others and that what others have to say isn't as important as what they have to say (this going into their non-childhood years) because they were never taught otherwise.

They'll take that attitude into school and talk over other kids who are trying to ask the teacher a question. Later in life they are interrupting fellow coworkers to ask the boss a question. It makes em kinda spoiled.

They'll still love you even if you make em wait a couple minutes to finish talking to your friend. And they'll carry that lesson into adulthood where they will get along better with people.
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Old 04-28-2009, 10:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
I try but my son has a learning disability and Asperger's Syndrome. Basically he cannot control his thoughts and gets very frustrated if he prattles on and on and I do not listen. (Some of this is also what I call "only child" syndrome!!).

I will listen while doing other things but life is so busy you have to multitask sometimes.

The only time I will ask him to stop is if he interrupts when I am speaking with my husband.
Thats exactly what I go thru, Gypsy (as you probably know)

Many times my boys are just babbling away about stuff, changing topics fast, or begin topics in the middle of some thought they are having, and its hard to not let your mind wander when the conversation is one sided and going on for about 45 minutes straight (or longer). I've had to learn to multitask, as well or honestly I won't get anything done unless I wanna do it all in the middle of the night.

I think the people in this post are referring to kids capable of making quick comments or simple questions, not kids like ours that draw it out to the point where you forget what the question was and you HAVE to cut them off and ask them to get to the point. I can relate.
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Old 04-29-2009, 05:43 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
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Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Well maybe some kids are the center of the universe but mine had to learn not to interrupt. It's called MANNERS. How did you expect other people to respond?? It's rather rude to expect people to tolerate constant interruptions in conversation and you are actually teaching your kids to interrupt!! So if you are in the check out line and people are waiting but your kid wants to talk you stop everything....the cashier is waiting, people behind you are waiting...but hey, your kid is more important than they are. Oh, and wait staff just love this...they are ready to take your order but your kid has something more important to say so everyone will just have to wait. Yeah, I've had some phone conversations like that too....it's most annoying when the parent calls me and then expects me to wait on the line while they talk to the kids in the background...but that's OK, I'm not all that important I guess...even if you are the one who called me. I don't stay on the phone long. An emergency I can understand but if you are going to call me up or engage in conversation I expect you to give me the courtesy of your full attention, after all, that's what I'm giving you. If you aren't capable of doing that then we can talk later....like in 12 years when your kids move out. LOL

This is what we did when the kids were little. It worked marvelously. Of course if your child is the center of the universe this rule does not apply.

Interrupt Rule and other activities - FamilyEducation.com
and I bet your kids are the ones that are always screaming mom ,mom or dad , dad while you are too busy on the cell phone to answer them right ? I would love for you to explain your philosophy on how it is okay to ignore your kids to finish your adult conversation .
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:07 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
and I bet your kids are the ones that are always screaming mom ,mom or dad , dad while you are too busy on the cell phone to answer them right ? I would love for you to explain your philosophy on how it is okay to ignore your kids to finish your adult conversation .
He just did. It is called teaching manners.
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:12 PM
 
Location: here
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After reading some of the other responses, I think the age of the child makes a difference. At 3 and 5, my boys have trouble not interrupting when I'm talking to my husband. We remind them constantly that they need to wait their turn. The only issue my soon-to-be-kindergartner has at preschool is not waiting his turn to talk, and trying to tell long stories to the teacher in the middle of class. We need to work on that at home, as well as in class. Once they become teenagers who rarely want to have a conversation, then I probably would drop almost anything if they want to talk.
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
and I bet your kids are the ones that are always screaming mom ,mom or dad , dad while you are too busy on the cell phone to answer them right ? I would love for you to explain your philosophy on how it is okay to ignore your kids to finish your adult conversation .
I think we are engaging in a lot of "all or nothing" thinking on this thread. Most people do not give their kids 100% of their attention every time the kids squawk. And likewise, most people do not just ignore their kids whenever the kids want to talk.

Sometimes the kids want to blather on endlessly about trivial topics. IMO it's ok to tell them that you don't want to talk about Dora, the NFL draft, why they like pink nail polish, or who has the biggest boobs in high school. It's ok to put them off if you are in the middle of a conversation or trying to accomplish something.

Sometimes kids want to talk about substantial things that are bothering them, like thier fear of swine flu, their insecurity about all the talk about the economy, their latest heartbreak, or their geometry homework. You have to deal with those things.

Most people can tell the difference and employ something of a mix of both strategies. IMO kids need to learn that sometimes their thoughts are not the most important in the world. They need to distinguish between the trivial and the important. If you let your kids interrupt you every time they have a stray thought they will grow up rude. However, it is not good for kids to be ignored all the time either. Life is not an all or nothing proposition. Use common sense.
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Old 04-29-2009, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,823,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
and I bet your kids are the ones that are always screaming mom ,mom or dad , dad while you are too busy on the cell phone to answer them right ? I would love for you to explain your philosophy on how it is okay to ignore your kids to finish your adult conversation .
Wow....do you only live in extremes? I either have to drop everything this second or let the kids scream and beg for attention while I ignore them....??? Do you not see options in the middle??

But to answer your question, I'm not at all a phone person and I spend much more time engaged with my kids than most. However, I expect and teach mutual respect. When I am talking to my kids I don't stop the conversation when the phone rings...that's what answering machines are for, I can get it later. When I'm already engaged in conversation I expect the kids to have the same respect and wait until I am done before demanding my attention. It's not just for conversation, but for if I am reading the newspaper or involved in a chore or involved in a hobby that requires my attention. My conversations, activities and interests are not less important than theirs and I don't deserve to be interrupted just as they don't. I don't ignore them, I ask them to wait their turn...to understand that they have a place in this family, in the community and in the world in general. Did you read the Interrupt rule above? It provides BALANCE so that the kids get the attention they need and I also have reasonable conversations with others. There's no screaming for attention and no one is ignored.



Momma Bear....I was typing as you were posting but yes....if there is something IMPORTANT that the kids want to discuss then I can and will stop what I am doing if needed. However, DD wanting to give me the daily report of which students were not wearing dress code socks and how do they get away with that and it's not really fair and something smelled funny on the bus today and some kid told a funny joke at lunch but I can't remember what it was but it sure was funny and Christina also has gerbils for pets but she didn't know one was a boy and one was a girl and now she has 6 of them but maybe one can be the class pet...... Well, that can all wait until I get done hanging the laundry or until I'm done paying bills on the computer or when I'm done discussing with Grandma on the phone which week we can come to visit this summer. There's a time for all of that stuff but it isn't always RIGHT NOW.
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Old 04-29-2009, 08:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Of course listening to your kids is important but I have to agree with some other posters who favor balance rather than dropping everything all the time to give the kid 100% attention. The world isn't going to stop if they have to wait 5 minutes for my full attention. For example: This morning I was quick hemming up a pair of capri's for DD. She can be quite a chatterbox in the morning and we both know that not everything she has to say is 'important'. So she's chatting and I have about 6 minutes until her car pool comes...I can talk/listen or I can sew but I can't do both. We both thought finishing the pants took priority and whatever else she wanted to chat about can wait until she gets home. Oh, DH also called while I was sewing and I told him I'd have to call him back as well.
It doesn't take 100% of your attention.

My daughter is silent in the car, but at home she is an open book and the words spill out like running water. I would never get anything done if I didn't do two or three things at once. When I stop what I'm doing is when our conversation gets heavier and what she needs from me is my full attention and thought.

We don't always do questions and answers, we get involved in philosophy, psychology and everything else, but we're always talking.

She has manners, but she also knows that what is important to her is usually important to her parents as well. She's been told to wait, but not very often.
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Old 04-29-2009, 08:37 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
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Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
Think of it like this: When a baby starts to babble, the parent should start to listen, and continue forever. The two people any child should ALWAYS know he/she can go to for an ear, is a parent.

I can't even begin to calculate what I have missed, put aside, ignored and lost, just to listen to my children. Every word, because I know that they would develope a habit of saying EVERYTHING to me, and they have, and they, in turn, understand how to listen and how important focused communication is to any relationship.
you sound like a wonderful parent, & I agree with you 100%!!!!

so with your viewpoint & parenting style in mind, would you tell me what you think the results of the exact-opposite would be-- that is, people who put their infants in daycare & give them virtually no time even in their youngest age?
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