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Old 04-29-2009, 09:44 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,180 posts, read 17,732,715 times
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I was raised very strictly and was spanked . clothes were never new unless they were from grandparents . My mom always bought from the thrift stores . i always got made fun of in school because of it too . no tv in the room i mainly stayed in mine because of reading . also no after school activities because my mother never made the effort to look into it . No graduation gown or pics because my folks could not afford it . so just took the diploma home from school one afternoon.
the guidance counselor wanted to know why I told her to talk to my mother . My mother told her off and told her it was none of her business . I had a very unhappy child hood and made darn sure my kids did not . My kids got new clothes even if it meant buying fewer groceries and more soup and sandwiches . My kids got their graduation pics and their gowns which meant more hours at work . My kids got new christmas toys , no matter what . we never got toys at christmas , we got underwear and socks . One neighbor kid came over at christmas and asked us what we got and we showed her the new underwear and socks and you should have seen the look on her face . The next day my mom was at work and her mom came over and handed me 50.00 and told me not to tell my mom and she said for me to spend it on something nice for myself .I told her thank you and she walked back across the street and she mouth the words merry christmas I will never forget that .
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Old 04-30-2009, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,139,232 times
Reputation: 444
I was raised on a farm, so along with that came all the values and morals known to farmers. I am not saying people not raised on a farm did not have values and morals, just that being on a farm was different.

For example, you woke at 5am put on your barn clothes fed the animals and cleaned out the stalls, let out the animals that needed to be let out etc, then you went inside to wash and have breakfast. Usually a hearty breakfast that mom made while we were in the barn. Then it was off to school we go. After school it was back to the barn, then homework, then any other chores we may have. Before bed we had to round up the horses for the night. Farm life is a lot of work but a lot of fun too.

We never talked back to our parents, maybe this had something to do with the age of our parents, maybe not, it was just something we did not do. If they told you to do something you did, if they said not to you didn't. Working on a farm you learn to work together and respect one another.

My parents were pretty good about most things, there was not a lot we were not allowed to do. As long as we presented ourselves with respect and dignity, and treated others the same. As for not liking a food that was placed in front of us we never said anything. It was always known you eat whats on your plate. As for clothes my parents never had issues with what we worn, we always wore jeans, t-shirts and cowboy boots. I still live by what I was taught and still wake up early, only now it is 4:30am instead of 5am.

As a parent today? It is hard, very hard. You try to teach kids what you were taught but then it seems to get untaught at school etc. I have lost count how many times I heard my girls say "But so and so's mom let's her" I love the values I learned as a kid, but in todays day it seems kids do not understand what chores are. With so much technology to help out today I find people have become lazy, also now there are more two working parents then when I was growing up. Which makes it harder, you are more tired etc. But my girls know you don't mess with mom, if I ask you to do something they need to do it. If they have issues I will listen, may not always agree but I will listen and allow them a degree of movement. They know when they have gone to far with me and pull themselves back.

All I know is parenting is hard and tiring, both my girls are in High School and I am counting the time to Post- stay-at-home-kids. But I know I will miss them at the same time.
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Old 05-01-2009, 04:17 AM
Status: "happy again, no longer catless! t...." (set 20 days ago)
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,433 posts, read 16,748,446 times
Reputation: 16460
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
A lot has changed since you were a kid.

How were you parented.

Here are some thoughts to stimulate the grey matter....

What rules did your parents have on you.
What clothing did you wear and what was allowed, were there tensions with your parents?
Curfew?
Punishment.
Carrots?
Where were you allowed / not allowed to go.
Were there people you were not supposed to see.
Anything banned - music, records, radio stations, TV shows, junk food?
Things you were forced to do - sport, visit grandma, etc

How are you different as a parent?
I could go to my friends without an escourt, something you can't let your kids do today. As long as I was home when I was supposed to be there was never a problem. But as I was a loner and liked holing up with a book I didn't mind.

I had a problem with my mom and clothes until Junior High. I was never the girly type, didn't have any desire for frilly little dresses. My mom was forever frustrated when I hit jr hi and banished lace ruffles and anything pink.

I never needed a carrot. I was always too eager to please mom and dad. Although even very young my stubborness shone through. Carrots had no/none/zilch effect then.

Nobody had to make me study or read. I knew my mom and dad went to sleep early, so shut off the light, waited until it was time and turned it back on then read all night. Mom would wonder why I was so tired but occasionally I'd fall asleep with the light and book in evidence. Of course I was messy then and still am, with my own version of "organization".

I don't recall them ever banning anything. I think it would have just given me reason to make sure I checked it out.

But my parents for all their love and care gave me the cotton treatment, just didnt want me to ever be troubled by real life problems. When I finally did choose to leave home I discovered this.

My son was never shielded from the world the way I was. If we didn't have the money we didn't. But he and I have that same temperment and I suppose that is karma returning the favor.
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Old 05-01-2009, 12:21 PM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,272,128 times
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Pretty laid back for the most part. My dad got strict at times but I knew how to act when he was around. That was more out of fear then being taught discipline.

My mom always had trouble figuring out how to discipline me. I liked being in my room as much as hanging out outside. And I was pretty good at adapting to any situation I was put in so it wouldn't seem so bad, so it was hard for her to find things I wouldn't like or be able to work with.

Example: She told me I couldn't play my video game system anymore. sooooo I just went to my friends house and played on HIS. I dunno why she never figured that's what we'd do. But that's an example of how I'd adapt to the situation.
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Old 05-01-2009, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Baywood Park
1,634 posts, read 5,911,041 times
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I didn't have many restrictions placed on me. I had to be home before dark, that was an absolute. I used to drink 6 sodas a day and a bag of chips. Never ws told not to. Use to hang out with the craziest pycho family in our neighborhood. Never was told not to be there. I dressed pretty plain and conservative. That was never an issue. I imagine had I came home with a mohawk, they would have been pissed beyond belief. I doubt any punishment though. No chores. Watched TV until 1 am. No real involvement in my education. I don't blame them for that though. They were young and education wasn't stressed in their family. Was never asked about friends., ever. And they were drinkers and drug takers. I never got into trouble, did drugs or drank, got through school with average grades, came home before dark everynight. I turned out OK. I can't imagine giving my kids that much freedom...the risk would scare me.
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Old 05-01-2009, 04:32 PM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,272,128 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CA central coast View Post
I didn't have many restrictions placed on me. I had to be home before dark, that was an absolute. I used to drink 6 sodas a day and a bag of chips. Never ws told not to. Use to hang out with the craziest pycho family in our neighborhood. Never was told not to be there. I dressed pretty plain and conservative. That was never an issue. I imagine had I came home with a mohawk, they would have been pissed beyond belief. I doubt any punishment though. No chores. Watched TV until 1 am. No real involvement in my education. I don't blame them for that though. They were young and education wasn't stressed in their family. Was never asked about friends., ever. And they were drinkers and drug takers. I never got into trouble, did drugs or drank, got through school with average grades, came home before dark everynight. I turned out OK. I can't imagine giving my kids that much freedom...the risk would scare me.
True, but remember we grew up in a safer world than kid's today. The world got alot smaller and more dangerous after computers and the internet became commonplace.
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Old 05-01-2009, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,139,232 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
True, but remember we grew up in a safer world than kid's today. The world got alot smaller and more dangerous after computers and the internet became commonplace.
I agree this you 100% on that.
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Old 05-02-2009, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,217,973 times
Reputation: 4107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
True, but remember we grew up in a safer world than kid's today. The world got alot smaller and more dangerous after computers and the internet became commonplace.
Oh, bull****. All the people you imagine are lurking on the internet today were lurking in parks and arcades and schools and churches before the internet was thought of. (No? Where were they, then?) I'm sorry, but this is just kneejerk stupidity, driven by a media culture that doesn't know what to do with itself, besides scare people.
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Old 05-03-2009, 12:18 AM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,047,556 times
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I was raised by "older" (in their late 30's when they had me in the mid-60s), Asian immigrant, old-world strict Catholic parents.

What clothing did you wear and what was allowed, were there tensions with your parents? - wore school uniforms from nursery through HS. Never had any tensions with regards to what I wore. My mother was/is a clothes horse so clothes shopping was fun for us & my taste tended towards fashionable but "decent" so it was all good.

Curfew? - never had curfew because I didn't go out much anyway and if it was a late night it was usually with family members to see a show or concert in NYC. If I was at a party, I was expected to be home by the agreed-upon time. Most of my friends' parents were just as strict so staying out past curfew never really crossed my mind.

Punishment - for such an obedient child (which my parents admit to!), I got spanked A LOT! My parents used the leather belt or slipper on us. We were never sent to our rooms, grounded nor do I recall privileges ever being taken away. We received the spanking/scolding and then were expected to carry on as usual without any moping or showing signs of anger. My parents never carried the anger over either. When the spanking/scolding/discussion was completed the matter was considered closed.

Carrots?
- not sure what is meant by carrots but bribery was not in my parents' vocabulary. We were motivated to do well because it was what was expected of us.

In terms of dinner time, we ate together every night, ate what my mother prepared (no special meals because you didn't like what mom was cooking), helped before & after meals

Where were you allowed / not allowed to go - we were allowed pretty much anywhere in the neighborhood as long as we were within earshot of a yell. In our neighborhood, it was customary for the mothers to stand on the front stoop and between 5:30-6pm, bellow out all our names for dinner. LOL

Were there people you were not supposed to see - we understood that there were certain people we weren't allowed to hang out with ("bad influences"). I often thought it might be fun but was too scared of the consequences to ever disobey. The only other "tension" when it came to friends was when they felt I was being disobedient by answering back - "so what?" was my one comeback. Annoyingly enough, my parents always blamed my "bad behavior" on my American friends. I always felt that was so unfair because my friends' parents were pretty much just as strict as mine (at least from where I stood) and I would argue that if they didn't want us to be Americanized, they shouldn't have brought us to America in the first place. Well...you can imagine the can of worms that would open up with regards to me being an ungrateful, disrespectful, becoming-too-modern daughter.

On the flip side, I did appreciate that I could use my parents as an excuse when I didn't actually WANT to participate in something that I knew could get me into trouble. I was more of a goody-two-shoes than I probably ever wanted to admit to (had no desire to smoke, drink, hang out at the malls, etc...) but instead of admitting to it, I would blame my parents for not allowing me. Worked great for me!

Anything banned - music, records, radio stations, TV shows, junk food? - No. We were a big TV & junk food family (I think that comes from my parents not having junk food when they were younger). TV shows tended more towards watching the news & variety shows plus back then, I only recall there being a few major stations on the tube.

Every morning, my mother had the classical music station on so my exposure to music was classical and 50/60's movie classics.

Things you were forced to do - not so much forced to but ALL I did was practice piano. I wanted so badly to do other things - swim, ice skate, learn to play tennis - but all the reasons cited for why I couldn't participate in those activities always went back to how it would affect piano.

Money - we did not receive an allowance. I don't remember ever feeling like I "needed" money for anything. We were allowed to keep any gift monies we received (but encouraged to deposit a portion into our savings accts). We were taught not to spend beyond our means. Unfortunately, that was probably one of the only lessons I didn't carry into adulthood.

We were expected to respect our parents/elders, be responsible for our actions and accept the consequences of our behavior & decisions, contribute to the running of the house, excel in school and attend college and be devout/practicing Catholics. Except for not being allowed to participate in activities like swimming, tennis & other sports, I feel like I had a great childhood. The only thing I feel like we lacked was demonstrative behavior from our parents.

My husband was raised very similarly. Except for the disciplining area (we do not plan to spank our children with belts or slippers), we will probably take a lot from our parents' parenting and make it our own. Oh - and our children get LOTS of cuddling and kisses. They can expect that for years to come.
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:30 PM
 
Location: "The Sunshine State"
4,334 posts, read 11,955,756 times
Reputation: 3005
I grew up with good family values, but me and my sisters were somewhat spoiled when we were little. My Dad did well with three businesses and worked very hard. Mom did not have to work until their divorce when I was 16. I was the oldest and most independant of all. I started working at 11 babysitting. I always had my own money. The only time I did not work was when I had my son at 24. I stayed home for 3 years raising him, I then divorced and raised him as a single parent for many years. I was never lazy and my work was mostly always physical for 20 plus years. Over the years I have discovered some talents I have and am now trying to figure out how to use them to make money and become independant once again!
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