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Old 04-26-2009, 11:11 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,654,865 times
Reputation: 1693

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A lot has changed since you were a kid.

How were you parented.

Here are some thoughts to stimulate the grey matter....

What rules did your parents have on you.
What clothing did you wear and what was allowed, were there tensions with your parents?
Curfew?
Punishment.
Carrots?
Where were you allowed / not allowed to go.
Were there people you were not supposed to see.
Anything banned - music, records, radio stations, TV shows, junk food?
Things you were forced to do - sport, visit grandma, etc

How are you different as a parent?
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:49 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,178 posts, read 7,799,309 times
Reputation: 3890
I wont answer each of your questions specifically. I'll just say I was raised to respect people and property and to not be afraid of work. To help the old people who needed help like mowing their lawns, shoveling snow, etc., or maybe just needing someone to talk to and spend some time with. I know for a fact that a young person can learn much from the wisdom aquired over the years of older people. I sure did. That was many years ago but I'm glad I wasn't too proud to be some old persons friend. I still remember the things I learned. It was mostly just common sense and the priorities of life.
I was expected to be honest and accept responsiblity for any actions that got me in trouble and the consequences that followed.
I had to let my parents know where I was and who I was going to be with but I wasn't tied to the house. I was allowed to be free as long as I showed I could be trusted and did my part to help with things that needed doing around the house.
My parents were strict but they let me be me as long as I didn't cross the bounderies of decency and respect. I was allowed to learn lifes lessons from my own mistakes and expected not to make the same mistakes again. I was allowed to learn how to "grow up" and think about things instead of doing something on impulse that might cause me or someone else harm.
My wife and I raised 6 kids the same way. So far, so good. They are all grown with families of their own and doing well.
We did what our parents did. Set the ground rules and enforced them. Teach by example. Told them there is more to life than instant individual gratification. We tried to teach them honesty, patience, respect for others no matter the race, creed, color, or religion. And if someone needs help and they are in a position to give it, then help someone. We did warn them about the sponges. People who do nothing for themselves and expect everyone else to do it for them. But we tried to teach them to try to help those who are trying to help themselves. I'm not talking so much about money, we didn't have much of that raising 6 kids. But you can always lend a hand for those that need it or just be a friend to somebody that needs one.
The one thing we strongly enforced was to never make fun of a physically or mentally handicapped person. They didn't choose to be that way and they may show more courage in their life than a lot of so called perfect people. I get real upset when I see anyone making fun of someone who isn't as perfect as others think they should be or may not be as physically attractive as some folks think they ought to be.
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:18 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 2,585,917 times
Reputation: 1413
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
A lot has changed since you were a kid.

How were you parented.
In a very loving, safe and strict environment. My parents were happily married. My mother was a homemaker and my dad made was the bread winner. There were rules to follow and consequences if we broke them. We went on family trips, always sat down together for dinner (no matter what), and just spent a lot of time together as a family. Of course we weren't perfect by any means. But when I look back at my childhood, it brings up a good, warm feeling.

How are you different as a parent?
Because I was loved & cherished, so are my children...
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Old 04-27-2009, 08:11 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,222,930 times
Reputation: 2772
When I was growing up, things were SO different. You were taught life had value, you were taught respect for others and what you had. You were taught to work for what you wanted and to take care of it, that life was not a free ride and sometimes you had to wait for what you wanted. We were taught that "NO!" actually meant "NO!" and that was the end of the conversation. We were taught that, there were no choices and what was on the table that night was what you ate or you went to bed hungry.

I taught my kids the same things.. Man, the world sure has changed!
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,158,422 times
Reputation: 49735
I was a preacher's kid, so I didn't get treated the same as other kids....

What rules did your parents have on you.-Respect others and do nothing to bring disrespect to your parents.
What clothing did you wear and what was allowed, were there tensions with your parents? Let's just say we would NEVER be allowed out of the house wearing what you see out there now....no tension, just knew it wasn't an option.
Curfew? When the street lights came on we were home. HS..same during the week, weekends were 10 or 11.
Punishment. Spankings, groundings ect....
Carrots? Yup...
Where were you allowed / not allowed to go. We could pretty much go where we wanted as long as we didn't break rule #1
Were there people you were not supposed to see. Of course...see #1
Anything banned - music, records, radio stations, TV shows, junk food? Let's just say the TV wouldn't be on much these days. We couldn't even watch "Soap". We were taught to respect our brains
Things you were forced to do - sport, visit grandma, etc [/We were forced to sit thru...without complaint...when people came to visit the preacher. Didn't matter what we were doing at the time, we had to come sit and be seen.
I'd also like to add..that as a PK, you couldn't do the same things other kids did and get the same reaction from the general public. We were expected to never misbehave, speak out of turn or be a normal kid.

How are you different as a parent? I didn't raise them in the public eye for starters. That's not fair for any kid.
But other than that...pretty much the same.
They turned out to be productive and respectful adults.
Formula must work.
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:04 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,981,619 times
Reputation: 42370
My parents were stricter than most of my friends' were, and I got my fair share of spankings (sometimes with brushes and wooden spoons, as I said in another thread) and restriction. For the most part, I am grateful for the rules that my parents set for me and believe they have helped me grow into a responsible person. I do differ from my parents in a few ways, though.

1. My parents were not physically demonstrative toward me or one another. I never saw them hug or kiss, and they didn't hug or kiss me very much. They've mellowed quite a bit, and they hug me now. I also can't remember my parents ever telling me they loved me until very recently. I think they just assumed I knew and that having a roof over my head was enough. My husband and I tell our kids every day that we love them, and we hug and kiss them. I think this is very important, especially when parents are strict. I didn't feel loved or loveable, and that led to some bad decisions when I was younger. We don't want that for our kids. We are strict but very loving.

2. We do spank, but only with our hands, and not when they get big. My parents had anger issues, which I recognize in myself. I do not want to spank my children in anger. As the OP mentioned in the "belt" thread, some parents just go off on their kids. Spanking over and over and over while the kid is writhing and screaming, or beating a kid with a weapon ... go get help for that temper. Seriously.

My grandmother used to "spank" my dad with a wooden spoon. She had him bent over her knee once and was wailing away on him. She missed, hit the table, and snapped the spoon. Only then did she realize how hard she was hitting her son. My dad, of course, has a temper, which he imparted onto me--with help from my mother. I hate that part of myself and will not pass that on to my children.

3. I don't agree with every rule my parents had, so we are a bit more flexible than they were (or my husband's parents were--they had issues too). We're not as lenient as some of our daughter's friends' parents, but oh well. We figure we turned out pretty OK (for the most part!), so we are still pretty strict.
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:26 AM
 
42 posts, read 89,603 times
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I went to catholic grade and high school. In grade school it was normal to get your ears pulled,a smack on the hand (palm up )with a wooden ruler ,and of course the traditional wack on the butt. These punishments were usually doled out in the coat room. If I made the mistake of telling my parents of this because I misbehaved then I got a few days of house arrest on top of the school punishment. Did this "old" style work for me? Yes it did and I think I'm the better for it.
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Old 04-27-2009, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Oregon
1,532 posts, read 2,289,996 times
Reputation: 6918
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
A lot has changed since you were a kid.

How were you parented.

Here are some thoughts to stimulate the grey matter....

What rules did your parents have on you.
What clothing did you wear and what was allowed, were there tensions with your parents?
Curfew?
Punishment.
Carrots?
Where were you allowed / not allowed to go.
Were there people you were not supposed to see.
Anything banned - music, records, radio stations, TV shows, junk food?
Things you were forced to do - sport, visit grandma, etc

How are you different as a parent?

Very interesting thread! Most of my parents beliefs and rules fell under respect for other people and property. Respect for your elders was a huge thing (and it should be). My parents were in their early 40's when they had me, and I think as time went on, they were too tired to enforce much of anything. Luckily, I held on to some of the early teachings!

Clothing - Anything was okay. I dressed fairly normal anyways, so there was no issue there.

Curfew - That lasted for awhile, but they didn't stick to it. By the time I was 15, I came in whenver I wanted.

Punishment - Again, by the time I was 15 there was no punishment.

I was pretty much able to go where I wanted. There were people they would rather I not see, and for the most part, I didn't, because I realized they were trouble. I was not banned from any kind of music, junk food, tv shows. I was also not forced to do any sports or go to grandma's.

So, I am probably one of the few that will say that I am, and will be more strict on my kids than my parents were on me! But, I think my experiences as a teenager will help my parenting. I hope it will be alot harder for them to pull things over on me, because I have been there and done that!
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Old 04-27-2009, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,556,197 times
Reputation: 35864
I'm a little bit out of the era of most of you. My parents were married at the peak of the depression, and I was raised to believe that you don't waste anything, especially money.

Clothes: I wore what my mother bought me. Lee jeans and a button shirt.
Meals: Family ate every meal together at the kitchen table, feet on the floor, no elbows on the table. You sat there until everything on your plate was eaten.
Curfew: After school, when the 5-oclock whistle blows, stop playing and head for home for supper. After supper, come in when the street lights go on. Bedtime was when mom said "bedtime" with friendly wiggle room.
Punishment: Nothing was worse than knowing you had disappointed your parents, and all it took was a look.
Where to go: No restrictions, any place I could reach on my bike.
Playmates: A couple families were mentioned as disapproved, on basis of family.
Banned: Running in the house. Swearing. Getting in the fridge without asking.
Forced: Staying home was not an option on family visits. Otherwise, nothing. They made a show of forcing Sunday School, but had no teeth, and the nickel for the collection plate supplemented my allowance. Goofy kids went to Sunday School, my parents knew that.
Spending money: Weekly allowance was a quarter, enough for a movie ticked and a hershey bar. Other funding came from general good will and rewards for good grades, housework, etc. And "Can I get this?" "OK". I grew up in a town where every kid's family had the same amount of money (as far as I could tell), and there was a fairly fixed sense of what kids could have. Every kid got a wagon and then a bike and then a rod and reel, it was a classless society. Every house had a 17-inch B/W TV that got two channels. An AM radio, a Brownie box camera. One sedan, Ford, Chev or Dodge.

As a parent, I was pretty much the same way, in most respects.

Last edited by jtur88; 04-27-2009 at 01:01 PM..
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Old 04-27-2009, 03:44 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,436,301 times
Reputation: 1957
A lot has changed since you were a kid.

How were you parented.

Here are some thoughts to stimulate the grey matter....

What rules did your parents have on you. Regular schedule
What clothing did you wear and what was allowed, were there tensions with your parents? As a kid, I did not care- whatever I was given. As a teenager, I wore whatever and my mom was OK with it - I paid for my clothes from my job. It was the 80s so stuff was relatively mild.
Curfew? in High School? 11 in 9th and 10th grade, I believe it was midnight in 11th and 12th.
Punishment. My mom did not do much in that area. I felt left out because friends were getting grounded and it sounded cool. I finally did enough to push her to ground me.
Carrots? ? Do you mean actual carrots or rewards? My mom could not eat fructose so we did not have actual carrots in the house and I never got rewarded for anything.
Where were you allowed / not allowed to go. In high school I had a T Pass (public transport in Boston area) and was allowed to use it.
Were there people you were not supposed to see. Not that I can think of.
Anything banned - music, records, radio stations, TV shows, junk food? Nope. We listened to classic rock together.
Things you were forced to do - sport, visit grandma, etc Not much after 9th grade. I took care of myself and she took care of herself.

How are you different as a parent? I am a lot more focused on family time, the family unit, making my expectations known, and rewards and discipline.
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