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Old 07-11-2011, 07:06 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,973,454 times
Reputation: 42369

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Quote:
Originally Posted by unbreakablevamp View Post
A little ray of light to know that there are still people that believe in the good ole ass whoppin. The sad thing is that as we all know we aren't "allowed" to give defiant children the good ole ass whoppin. I have 2 boys. My oldest will be 6 in October and his little brother will be 4 in October. I am litteraly at my wits end with what to do. I have exhausted every pathetic option from time outs that don't work to taking away any privelage I can think of, and NOTHING works except for a good ole ass whoppin. I am only 26, and most from my time frown upon the belief of ass whoppin and everyone is so damn CPS happy where I live that its frustrating. I have had an open CPS case for over 2 months now because of the inability to bust their ass when they act up. The only options us parents are "allowed" to use are a damn joke. When I was a kid if I acted a quarter as bad as this generation of children I got my ass busted, not time outs, and that worked. What boggles my brain is that society doesn't understand why children are commiting crime younger and younger and its like DUH!!!!!! Instead of a good ass whoppin let's make them act right by buying them a PS3 or the newest phone on the market and hello its not working. Yeah let's reward bad bahavior, are you joking? But what can you do? You bust your kids ass and poof there's a CPS worker knocking at your front door. My kids are so damn defiant thanks to this CPS **** that I don't know what to do. I just want my kids to grow up right and not behind a jail cell or dead at a young age, what is so wrong with that? I am honestly sickened by todays society. Kiss your kids ass if you don't want a CPS case and its bull****. Does anyone have any good ideas or thoughts on what to do that is "allowed"? Its sad that I have to be scared to be a good parent.
Perhaps your current experience is evidence that an old-fashioned "whooping" isn't the best solution for everyone. If it worked, it would be working for you--right? Instead, it sounds like you have issues with anger management and self-control, so maybe it didn't work so well for you after all.

 
Old 07-11-2011, 09:43 AM
 
Location: E ND & NW MN
4,731 posts, read 9,083,146 times
Reputation: 3454
I am a parent of 3 boys...6 and 2 yr old twins. A light hand spank on the behind is one thing....but talking about taking the belt to a kid to me is just plain wrong. To me that teaches them to be scared of you and to avoid you at all costs. Keep things hidden and not come to you when they need you. To have a kid fear you to me is the wrong message....they should respect you for sure but I dont think fearing a kid to respect is the right way to do it.

Dan
 
Old 07-11-2011, 09:52 AM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
Reputation: 33915
Ugh, I hope this thread closes soon. There is a reason it is against the law to "belt" your child. It is abuse, plain and simple. If you don't agree, take it up with your legislature. This is not the forum to look for support on the right of parents to beat their kids.
 
Old 07-11-2011, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Parkridge, East Knoxville, TN
462 posts, read 918,314 times
Reputation: 354
Butts are made for wooping. It is a big chunk of fat with few nerve endings. There is no long term damage as long as you keep it on the butt. My dad licked me when I acted up and I turned out alright.
 
Old 07-11-2011, 10:30 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,175 posts, read 14,253,018 times
Reputation: 14776
My father used a belt on me. There was a time when I was around 11 or 12, that he took the belt to me in public, in front of my friends. I had a welt for months. I refused to speak to or acknowledge him during the entire time. I made it clear to my mother that if he ever did that again, ever, I was leaving home. Period. He never did. I never used a belt on my children. It isn't necessary, ever. It specifically isn't necessary to be using a belt on a 4 yr old. If you are so out of control and unable to teach a 4 or 6 yr old the right way to behave, then you should give up your children to someone who can teach with love. The belt is not love, it is anger and loss of control.

As a behaviorist, I can tell you that 4 and 6 old boys do not need more than a hand on the butt, if ever. A calm voice and well-thought-out rules applied evenly and without anger work far better than any severe infliction of corporal punishment.

Children especially respond well to discipline, not punishment alone. If you reward their positive behavior and remove rewards for negative behavior, all the while showing them love and caring, your children will grow up with far less stress on both you and them than if you simply punish bad/undesirable behavior.

Your children will survive without a PS3. If there is any social worker who is telling you otherwise, you need to speak to his or her superior. There is no law which says you must provide your children with luxuries. Love and respect are not luxuries.
 
Old 07-11-2011, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,191,291 times
Reputation: 4103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Ugh, I hope this thread closes soon. There is a reason it is against the law to "belt" your child.
Except that it isn't, unless you injure the child. I can cite copious case law to prove the point. Starting with Cobble v. Massachusetts DSS (1999).
 
Old 07-11-2011, 03:08 PM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 3,844,713 times
Reputation: 1852
my best friend does, and honestly, her kids are monsters.

her 13 year old daughter is a trainwreck just waiting to explode

her twin 4 year olds are monsters

she cant get any of them to listen to or respect her.

funny, when they come here (they are friends with my kids of similar ages) they are good. if the 13 year old gives me problems, she gets to do chores. if the boys give me problems, they get to sit in time out.

dont get me wrong, im not one of these moms who doesnt ever spank or yell or otherwise thinks im perfect, but i think theres a balance that you have to strike. and a belt isnt included in that...
 
Old 07-11-2011, 03:51 PM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,833,735 times
Reputation: 15019
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbreakablevamp View Post
A little ray of light to know that there are still people that believe in the good ole ass whoppin. The sad thing is that as we all know we aren't "allowed" to give defiant children the good ole ass whoppin. I have 2 boys. My oldest will be 6 in October and his little brother will be 4 in October. I am litteraly at my wits end with what to do. I have exhausted every pathetic option from time outs that don't work to taking away any privelage I can think of, and NOTHING works except for a good ole ass whoppin. I am only 26, and most from my time frown upon the belief of ass whoppin and everyone is so damn CPS happy where I live that its frustrating. I have had an open CPS case for over 2 months now because of the inability to bust their ass when they act up. The only options us parents are "allowed" to use are a damn joke. When I was a kid if I acted a quarter as bad as this generation of children I got my ass busted, not time outs, and that worked. What boggles my brain is that society doesn't understand why children are commiting crime younger and younger and its like DUH!!!!!! Instead of a good ass whoppin let's make them act right by buying them a PS3 or the newest phone on the market and hello its not working. Yeah let's reward bad bahavior, are you joking? But what can you do? You bust your kids ass and poof there's a CPS worker knocking at your front door. My kids are so damn defiant thanks to this CPS **** that I don't know what to do. I just want my kids to grow up right and not behind a jail cell or dead at a young age, what is so wrong with that? I am honestly sickened by todays society. Kiss your kids ass if you don't want a CPS case and its bull****. Does anyone have any good ideas or thoughts on what to do that is "allowed"? Its sad that I have to be scared to be a good parent.
First, you need to get help for yourself (not just the kids). Honestly, when you can get a break from the kids and take some time for yourself, it helps you to get things in perspective. I, for one, don't believe in *ass-whooping.* My kids are quite successful and neither of them has *ever* been in trouble with the law and they were not spanked. They certainly got in trouble at the age of your boys, but we used natural and logical consequences with them. Your CPS people may actually have classes that use the following techniques.

You may want to check out Parenting with Love and Logic here:
Love and Logic - Helping Parents and Teachers Raise Responsible Kids

Or Parent Effectiveness Training here:
Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)

Start here by telling us what behaviors you are seeing and perhaps someone can give you some help on what to do for specific behaviors.

1. If the kids are seriously out of control, you need to pare down the list of behaviors and work on one or two things at at time and let the rest go.

2. You probably need a positive system in place. Catch them being good and give them lots of positive attention for that. You don't have to give rewards, but they need to get attention for the good things they do otherwise they will get attention by doing negative things so that you will pay attention to them.

3. How do they act in school? What do the teachers do? You may want to touch base with their teachers and get some ideas about what works from their experience.

4. Instead of griping about CPS, see if you can work with them. Usually, CPS does have classes on parenting skills, anger management, etc. These may not be to your liking, but really they can help.

5. As you have seen, punishment doesn't really work well (and that is even true of spanking). It is important to develop your relationship with the kids so that they trust you as an authority and want to please you rather than because they are afraid of you.

Good luck!
 
Old 07-11-2011, 04:00 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,447,336 times
Reputation: 25990
I will say, that my 15 year old son was a handful, and he sassed his Father once, after being caught stealing our car, and debit card, told him if he hit him he would call CPS on him...Well, his Father made sure that if he was going to call CPS anyway, it was going to be worth it. I decided to stay out of it, our son had crossed a line, so many times...

And for some strange reason...our son did not call CPS....he never sassed his Father again....or me for that matter...and he really straightened up quite a bit. Perhaps some "judicious" discipline, applied appropriately is called for...and I am not an advocate of hitting kids....

Last edited by jasper12; 07-11-2011 at 04:01 PM.. Reason: edit.
 
Old 07-11-2011, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,654,296 times
Reputation: 1693
We use the paddle. It stings, leave a bit of a red bum but does not leave deep bruises.

We actually had planned to use the cane as that was what I received at school growing up but you get deep bruises. Well I did anyway. Dark red stripes across my bum that became large purple stripes by the next day and took at least a week to heal.

The way we use the paddle, the miscreant's bum is a bit red immediatly after the punishment and there is no redness or anything by the next morning.

One of the problems with corporal punishment is that all the photos of it are of kids beaten black and blue and so people associate those images with every type of corporal punishment.

I note a post a few above this one about being punished in public and also recently I started a thread discussing embarrassment and I think it is important NOT to humiliate kids. These days spanking is unfortunately (in my opinion) out of style so the possibility of humiliation is much greater so we do not spank in public ever.

But I do really think that spanking and paddling is a good thing. Not the only thing and not necessarilly the best thing for every kid or every situation. We use it as a first resort. It is not held as a last resort. It is very much a you do this and you will receive that type of thing. We mainly insist on good and obedient behaviour and that is what it is used for. It emphaises parental authority.

Do not get the idea that it only happens because the parent is bigger. Sure when kids are small but we do not hold our kids down. It is not a fight. By the time they are to be punished, they know it is going to happen and they accept it. It is over fairly quickly and never spoken of again. Unless they feel that it was unfair and wish to speak about it with us after they have calmed down of course.
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