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I have 13 year old twins and my favorite way to torture them when they start bickering too much is what we call "The Chairs!!!"
We used to have to hug each other, and sing "Love at Home" whenever we fought...forget it. We would never argue with anyone at home. My kids, rarely argued around me...because it gave me a headache, which meant I had to go to my room, take a nap to get away from the comotion, and not take anyone anywhere, or write any checks for sports for a month.
Which leads me to believe he has been hit before by someone. Kids do not lash out like this without having gotten the idea somehow that hitting solves problems.
I looked up the show. The clip does not give the full situation. They had lost their daughter (sister to the son) a few years before and were so overcome with grief that they take it out on the son (the one slapping the mom). When his sister died, the mom checked out as a parent and resented that he had lived, so she took it out on him.
You may want to look at the whole picture (there were several other moms and kids on the show besides Wendy and Noah)
Thanks for adding that. Just looking at the clip I thought two things: (1) The boy looked absolutely heartbroken and at the end of his rope and (2) He had been slapped and told to shut up before.
Although there are exceptions, for the most part kids are going to act like the adults in their family act. All of the discipline and "parenting" in the world pales in comparison to the example parents set for their children.
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Originally Posted by 90sman
If he had done that to one of my Grandparents, his a*s would have been beaten so hard, it would have knocked the fat out of his body. His mother's too soft on him, he's gotta feel the pain.
Even with me, I would have given him a good hard spanking.
I never would have slapped my mother because she would have worn me out before turning me over to my father, but I'm saying that lady totally missed the boat and it's too late to start with him. I think she's always been sweating his jockstrap and never loosened the leash, never trusted him with anything and always treated him like a baby. At some point you have to let them f-up. Parenting is about teaching, not controlling and a successful parent is respected more than feared. Respect lasts, fear breaks down.
As for grandparents: My grandfather had eight kids. His theory was that when teaching a procedure, for example tying a bolon knot, kids would learn much faster if they got a brisk rap on the knuckles for doing it wrong so he stood right next to you while teaching and was ready to slap your hands (and was great at getting the point of you middle knuckle with the crown of his wedding ring). He was right. I can still tie a bolon behind my back and upside down. Marksmanship and gun safety were similarly hard-wired. That's not abuse, that's consequence/reward training and it works. He could slap my hands like that because I had so much respect for him, loved him and I knew that he loved me. This kid doesn't know that he's loved, doesn't feel respected and therefore doesn't respect; hence - too damn late for spankings.
You can't have only negative or only positive. There has to be a balance.
Last edited by jimboburnsy; 07-14-2011 at 08:45 AM..
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian
What's a bolon? Is that what I know as a bowline knot?
Possibly or maybe probably - but I've never heard it said that way nor spelled that way. Where are you from? You probably say "forecastle" just how it's spelled, too.
Same knot. It's taught as a rescue knot where I grew up in Ohio. We pronounce it the same way you do, but it's most commonly spelled bowline. My favorite way to tie it is one-handed around my waist.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 07-14-2011 at 01:05 PM..
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian
Same knot. It's taught as a rescue knot where I grew up in Ohio. We pronounce it the same way you do, but it's most commonly spelled bowline. My favorite way to tie it is one-handed around my waist.
I've been tying that knot for over twenty years and have never heard or seen that before, but it makes perfect sense. "bowl'ne"
I have 13 year old twins and my favorite way to torture them when they start bickering too much is what we call "The Chairs!!!"
The have to sit facing eachother until each tell the other not what the other did or could have done differently to resolve the conflict, but by telling and owning what they themselves did or could have done differently to resolve the conflict.
I remember an interview with Frank Zappa wherein he said that when Moon and Dweezel fought, he would record them and then for punishment lock them in the bathroom together with the tape of them screaming at each other playing in an endless loop.
That is just over the line. Pulling down a kid's pants is wrong and disturbing, for any reason other than showing a toddler how to use the bathroom. There are so many things wrong with this line of thinking I can't even begin to go there. Way to psychologically, sexually, etc. f@*k up a person for a very long time, if not forever.
my husbands dad did this to him. if he misbehaved, his mom would tell his dad and his dad would get a belt when he got home, tell him why he was doing this and then he would get hit with the belt. and guess what... my husband turned out to be a wonderful man, husband, and father. he doesn't feel like he was ever sexually or psychologically f***ed up. every child is different. sometimes just talking to them works, others do need a good spanking to get the point across. i don't believe in using your hand because hands are for loving. i believe in making the child go into the bathroom, and then i go get the wooden spoon while i'm calming down. then i explain to my son why he's getting a spanking and i spank him. then he stands in the corner for a few minutes and when he's done he's done. if he wants a hug he gets a hug and i tell him i love him. when i was growing up a good talking to and maybe being put on restriction worked fine for my dad when dealing with me. every child is different and every child needs a different level of punishment and discipline and the two go hand in hand.
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