U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-09-2011, 06:52 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 208,712 times
Reputation: 397

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I honestly wish that were true. Yes these folk exist. I would not say that thoughtfulness is what is guiding the "discipline" but it is not hate or anger. Some people just don't have decent reasoning skills. It is sad, since they will raise the next generation of people who solve problems by hitting, they will hit their kids, and on it goes forever.



What is funny is how much more effort this takes than doing it well without violence. Expecting my children to behave on a day to day basis is just plain easy. Once we got over the transition from ineffective to effective limit setting, engaging cooperation... They know Mom means what she says and says what she means. There is very infrequent testing anymore. And thankfully we don't have to sacrifice trust and bond to achieve it.

I am sorry. I don't care how vehemently you rave that there really is nothing else you can do but hit your kid. You simply cannot maintain a bond of love an trust with your child if you hit them. Hitting them hurts their heart. (Their body is of lesser concern. Most spankers don't really hurt their kids' bodies any more than a bike accident or whatnot.) It is just not possible to NOT damage your loving, trusting bond if you hit. But some of the posters seem less concerned with that than with obedience. If I wanted obedience I would have gotten a dog.


I will qualify that. Parents are supposed to teach children what is RIGHT. Behavior is a natural off shoot of that.
Bravo, another excellent post. Thank you, sincerely. From a kid who WAS beaten with a belt, regularly, wrongly, and harmfully, and resents it as an adult. And I will never forget how awful it made me feel and still does today. Oddly enough, my mother is a dog trainer, and an excellent one, who never, ever hits the dogs, but had not a single shred of sorrow beating us kids roundly. She wanted obedience. She got it, when she started training her beloved dogs. Perhaps, she should have kept dogs, not had kids.

 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:12 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,261,889 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMdotCOM2011 View Post
You said exactly how it makes me feel when I see this. And it's abusive no matter how you look at it. It changes who they are, and not in a good way.
Regular spanking is NOT abuse. And I don't say that to justify spanking. I say it because it diminishes the cogent arguments against spanking by making the argument an emotive, reactionary unproductive thing. There are many of us who are products of hitting who are more or less (compared to anyone) ok (who is ok anyway?). Keep the argument clean and maybe we can get somewhere.
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:13 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,261,889 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
You would NEVER see me "beating" my child or grandchild with ANYthing. Frankly, if I saw someone beating ANYone with anything, you can bet I'd report it. If I saw someone swatting an out-of-control or mouthy child though, you can bet I'd just give them an understanding nod and be on my way. Why?....because there's nothing there to report....just look of the law.
I wonder what the difference is between "swat" "belt" "beat". Myopic.
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:15 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 208,712 times
Reputation: 397
*sigh* Again, I keep on referring to the title of this thread: regarding" taking a belt to their kids". I think spanking is wrong, yes, but the laws on the books even to this day, still allow it, so there's not much I can do about that. So at this point, I am not going to argue about "spanking" even though I won't do that to my kids, either.

The main question remains: Is hitting a kid with any weapon, including a belt, wrong? HELL, YES, it IS!
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:17 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,261,889 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMdotCOM2011 View Post
Bravo, another excellent post. Thank you, sincerely. From a kid who WAS beaten with a belt, regularly, wrongly, and harmfully, and resents it as an adult.
So we both have something to bring to the discussion. As someone who was "spanked" with no readily discernable harm, I still think it was the weakest tool in their toolbox. My Dad was a natural positive disciplinarian. So I got to see the good side of discipline.

Quote:
And I will never forget how awful it made me feel and still does today.
I don't bear that kind of scar. But I remember thinking as I got a little bigger, maybe 5 or 6, THIS is going to make me want to do for you? Not.

The whole conversation just makes me sad.
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:22 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 208,712 times
Reputation: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I wonder what the difference is between "swat" "belt" "beat". Myopic.
Have someone bigger and stronger than you do that to you and then decide. Oh, I bet you wouldn't. I know I would not allow it done to myself. But we get to do that to kids who can't stand up for themselves, even legally. THAT is, to me at least, is the very definition of "myopic".
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:23 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 208,712 times
Reputation: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
So we both have something to bring to the discussion. As someone who was "spanked" with no readily discernable harm, I still think it was the weakest tool in their toolbox. My Dad was a natural positive disciplinarian. So I got to see the good side of discipline.


I don't bear that kind of scar. But I remember thinking as I got a little bigger, maybe 5 or 6, THIS is going to make me want to do for you? Not.

The whole conversation just makes me sad.
It makes ME sick to my stomach. But I feel strongly and just cannot understand how anyone nowadays thinks hitting anyone with a weapon can possibly be "right".
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:24 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,261,889 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMdotCOM2011 View Post
*sigh* Again, I keep on referring to the title of this thread: regarding" taking a belt to their kids". I think spanking is wrong, yes, but the laws on the books even to this day, still allow it, so there's not much I can do about that. So at this point, I am not going to argue about "spanking" even though I won't do that to my kids, either.

The main question remains: Is hitting a kid with any weapon, including a belt, wrong? HELL, YES, it IS!
Amen, sistah!
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:25 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,261,889 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMdotCOM2011 View Post
Have someone bigger and stronger than you do that to you and then decide.
Indeed. Very right on.
 
Old 09-09-2011, 07:37 PM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 208,712 times
Reputation: 397
Somebody, I can't give you more rep points, but if I could I would. It says I have to "spread it around" rofl. Just know I agree with you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top