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Old 04-28-2009, 10:31 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,267,300 times
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Have your kids ever gotten in trouble at school and the school expected you to carry punishment thru to the home as well?

I realize it depends what the issue was, but..

If you didn't really agree that what they did was all that bad, did you voice it out and have a drawn out battle with the school or did you play along and let them believe you were going to give Junior a stern talking to when you got home and then didn't really do it?

My son defended himself in a fight. I talked to him about at home and I'm sorry but I couldn't come down on him for defending himself. I felt what he did what right in the given circumstance: a very human response against any aggressor. He got suspended for a day for fighting and the school expected he'd learn his lesson at home. But what was I really supposed to do? He ended up just tagging along with me on errands that day.

I did tell him I don't want him fighting, but if someone starts it, I won't get mad about him for finishing it or at least defending himself.
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Old 04-28-2009, 10:49 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,467,677 times
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It's so necessary that kids know right from wrong, and to trust (in most cases) their parents. I would have done the very same thing as you did.
Quote:
I did tell him I don't want him fighting, but if someone starts it, I won't get mad about him for finishing it or at least defending himself.
Is he aware of this? It's easier for a kid to do what he needs to do when he knows his parent is behind him.

I have never taken consequences at school seriously. They use a lot of scare tactics that mean nothing.

Remember back when, when teachers and administrators would say, "This will go on your permanent record."? There is no permanent record.
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Old 04-28-2009, 10:52 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
1,390 posts, read 2,317,782 times
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That is similar to what happened to my son, except he didnít get caught. My sonís friend hit him in the face with a water bottle (at school). My son told him to knock it off. The boy did it again and my son socked him in the face, knocking him down into a puddle. My son didnít get caught, and told me what happened as soon as he got home (and was wondering if the other boy told and if the school called home, which they didnít).

I felt my son was right in defending himself (and not letting someone walk all over him), even though it violated school rules. Had he been caught, he would have been most likely suspended for a day. I would not have fought the charges and would have accepted the suspension (as it was a school rule violation), however I felt my son did the right thing and would not have punished at home.

My son's a peaceful type of guy, not the kind who would start fights. We discussed not starting fights and that, in my opinion, it was good that he didn't let his friend walk all over him and that he defended himself, and that if the other boy reports it and my son receives a suspension, so be it.
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Old 04-28-2009, 10:53 AM
 
Location: In My Own Little World. . .
3,238 posts, read 7,820,041 times
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Nah, I would've done the same thing. The schools tend to go overboard on this stuff. My son's had a couple of fights in his day. He's a boy, for God's sake. Boys fight. I'm of the same mind. Don't start anything, but if someone else does, go for it. Don't just stand there like a moron. And how many kids (after a certain age) would run to a teacher if someone started a fight with them?
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Old 04-28-2009, 10:58 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,267,300 times
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Oh yeah he knows it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
It's so necessary that kids know right from wrong, and to trust (in most cases) their parents. I would have done the very same thing as you did.

Is he aware of this? It's easier for a kid to do what he needs to do when he knows his parent is behind him.

I have never taken consequences at school seriously. They use a lot of scare tactics that mean nothing.

Remember back when, when teachers and administrators would say, "This will go on your permanent record."? There is no permanent record.
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Old 04-28-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,254,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Have your kids ever gotten in trouble at school and the school expected you to carry punishment thru to the home as well?

I realize it depends what the issue was, but..

If you didn't really agree that what they did was all that bad, did you voice it out and have a drawn out battle with the school or did you play along and let them believe you were going to give Junior a stern talking to when you got home and then didn't really do it?

My son defended himself in a fight. I talked to him about at home and I'm sorry but I couldn't come down on him for defending himself. I felt what he did what right in the given circumstance: a very human response against any aggressor. He got suspended for a day for fighting and the school expected he'd learn his lesson at home. But what was I really supposed to do? He ended up just tagging along with me on errands that day.

I did tell him I don't want him fighting, but if someone starts it, I won't get mad about him for finishing it or at least defending himself.
sometimes it's necessary to go eyeball-to-eyeball with school staff, along the line of "I'M the parent- in my home I'm the parent, and even when my kid is in school I'm still the parent..."
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Old 04-28-2009, 12:12 PM
 
6,764 posts, read 19,291,595 times
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Our son is very passive but we have instilled in him he is allowed to fight to defend himself. My husband has stated (he was bullied as a child) that he will go to school and blast anyone who punishes our son for defending himself.

Sigh, boys have to fight sometimes. It's a male thing.
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Old 04-28-2009, 12:44 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,995,988 times
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Schools have no say in how I discipline my children, as long as I am not breaking the law (i.e., abusing them). It's none of their business.
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Old 04-28-2009, 12:47 PM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,267,300 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Schools have no say in how I discipline my children, as long as I am not breaking the law (i.e., abusing them). It's none of their business.

So you tell them that? Or do ya just nod your head and agree for their sakes and do what ya want once they are out of the picture?
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Old 04-28-2009, 01:11 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,995,988 times
Reputation: 42370
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post

So you tell them that? Or do ya just nod your head and agree for their sakes and do what ya want once they are out of the picture?
I've never had a school official tell me or suggest to me how to discipline my children. I imagine I'd probably look at them incredulously for a moment and then say my husband and I would deal with the problem at home. That would be the end of it.
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