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Old 04-28-2009, 01:38 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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What is attachment parenting??? I think this is happening to my kids..they are grown and still seem to be attached?? Is there such thing as detachment parenting??
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Old 04-28-2009, 01:42 PM
 
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Your grown children still like to be around you? Isn't that a good thing?
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Old 04-28-2009, 01:50 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Your grown children still like to be around you? Isn't that a good thing?
Its a little more than that...especially with my son. He is living on his own only because I found him his first apartment. If it was up to him he would still be living at home. We just bought a new home and he asked how many bedrooms it had!! He is still very needy with some things.
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Old 04-28-2009, 01:54 PM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,271,318 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milliebfit View Post
Its a little more than that...especially with my son. He is living on his own only because I found him his first apartment. If it was up to him he would still be living at home. We just bought a new home and he asked how many bedrooms it had!! He is still very needy with some things.
Our boys have separation anxiety and Aspergers, among other things, which makes them very immature in their mental development. Maybe possibly he's got something like that? Maybe a bit of family therapy could work. Just an idea.

Our sons are still very needy, as well and at their age they should be doing more their own things by now and not so clutchy. I've been sort of afraid of a situation like your talking about (in our future).
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:06 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
985 posts, read 2,553,436 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Our boys have separation anxiety and Aspergers, among other things, which makes them very immature in their mental development. Maybe possibly he's got something like that? Maybe a bit of family therapy could work. Just an idea.

Our sons are still very needy, as well and at their age they should be doing more their own things by now and not so clutchy. I've been sort of afraid of a situation like your talking about (in our future).
Oh know its nothing like that...God bless your boys.
Its a standing joke in my family about my son and the fact that he would proudly still live at home if we would let him. He just turned 30...
When I heard there is such thing as "attachment parenting" I just had to know what it was? Never heard of it before..
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
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Here's a link to a wiki about Attachment Parenting. The article says that Attachment Parenting is a parenting style described by pediatrician Dr. William Sears. Of course, as with any wiki, remember that there *may* be some inaccuracies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting

Here is an excerpt from the wiki article:

Quote:
Eight principles of attachment parenting Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:
  1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
  2. Feed with Love and Respect
  3. Respond with Sensitivity
  4. Use Nurturing Touch
  5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
  6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
  7. Practice Positive Discipline
  8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, the anti-vaccination movement, natural health, cooperative movements, naturism and support of organic food.
However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments.

I'm not sure your situation (adult son, still living with you and with no apparent desire to leave the nest) is what Dr. Sears was describing with the term Attachment Parenting.


Hope that helps.
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 13,788,921 times
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Does he/was he working and helping contribute to the household when he was living with you? Was he respectful?

What is his social life like? Does he have friends? A girlfriend?

Maybe the problem is fear of growing up.
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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it sounds like if the parent is asking about how to detach from the kids, as in not have them so needy and dependent, then I would recommend reading more about "enabling" and "co-dependence" which provides many tools and benchmarks and practical methods for detaching in ways that are healthy and promote capable strong successful individuals, and healthy relationships

one foundation is that "we do not do for others what they can do for themselves" and when we continue to do those things, such as finding them jobs, finding them apartments, making their decisions and choices for them, we are depriving them of the opportunities to grow into mature responsible functioning human beings.

also by "doing for them" rather than letting them do "for themselves", we rob them of the dignity of living their own life, by keeping them crippled emotionally and dependent on us.

best wishes.
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:04 PM
 
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(good grief, daymed if ya do, daymed if ya don't
how many more 'disorders' can be forced on society?)
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Old 04-28-2009, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,623,905 times
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From the OP's description, it sounds like she's talking about a "mammoni".
[Disclaimer: I'm not sure if "mammoni" is considered an insult or not. It didn't appear to be in the 60 minutes piece, but you never know. If it is, I sincerely apologise, for insulting people is not my intention.]
I saw a 60 Minutes piece on "mammoni" several years ago but can't find a link. It was from back when Diane Sawyer was on the show (if I recall, she may have done the piece). The segment involved a particular group of adult men in Italy (Sicily, perhaps?) who continue to live at home, even though there was no reason why they couldn't move out.

The relationship between son and parents was mutually agreed upon. Neither coerced the other. Both sides seemed to accept the arrangement. At the very least, they seemed to think there was nothing out of the ordinary about it.

Anyway, from what I remember, the "mammoni" were adult men who lived at home and were doted on by their dedicated, hard-working, self-sacrificing moms. It seemed to border on worship, almost (mom worshipping son, not necessarily the other way round). The moms cooked, cleaned, did laundry (!!!) and just about everything else for these fully-grown sons, even though some of the moms looked to be in their 60s or 70s. The sons expected to live at home until they married. How they'd ever find wives is a question I still can't answer .

Some seemed to be in their 40s. Many were definitely in their 30s. I believe all the ones profiled in the piece had jobs, and none appeared to have any medical or emotional "need" to be with mom and dad. They just never left the nest (or left and returned).

Did anyone else see that segment? And, OP, does that sound more like your situation?
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