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I am very sorry that you have to deal with this hurtful issue. Family relationships can be so tricky. I would be very careful never to leave my childrean alone with this woman. This is neglect. If she does hurtful and mean things to your son while you are there, who knows what she is doing when no one is watching. A 21 month old can't tell you. Your children come first and if this means limited or supervised visits only...so be it.
exactly how i feel! It scares me to leave them alone with her. My brother in law has over heard this woman telling my daughter to call her mommy. Normally I would not believe this but all of this little stuff i am noticing is really adding up. Someone in another post asked if she has kids of her own and she does. Two girls that want nothing to do with her because she chose a man over them ( not my FIL). My BIL has two boys and she is really nice to them it is just my son. I know she hates my husband. She is always trying to cause drama between him and his father. Generally when my husband has a fight with his family I stay out of it so I would not expect her to take it out on my child
exactly how i feel! It scares me to leave them alone with her. My brother in law has over heard this woman telling my daughter to call her mommy. Normally I would not believe this but all of this little stuff i am noticing is really adding up. Someone in another post asked if she has kids of her own and she does. Two girls that want nothing to do with her because she chose a man over them ( not my FIL). My BIL has two boys and she is really nice to them it is just my son. I know she hates my husband. She is always trying to cause drama between him and his father. Generally when my husband has a fight with his family I stay out of it so I would not expect her to take it out on my child
Trust your instincts. They are your children and you must protect them. If what you say is true, I don't know why you would leave your precious baby in the care of someone who is not looking out for their best interests. You and your husband need to have a serious discussion and come to terms together on how you are going to handle this situation. You must be on the same page and back each other up. Good luck. I am sure this is all so stressful for you and can't be healthy for your marriage as well.
My mother and my daughter (15) fight like cats and dogs, and have since my daughter was three years old. It actually started when my daughter was a few months old and wouldn't sit on my mother's lap (she was in that afraid-of-everybody-but-parents stage and my mother almost never saw her). My mother took it personally and things haven't been the same since.
My mother dotes over all the other grandkids, especially the boys, but leaves my daughter out of everything. I NEVER leave the two of them alone.
My daughter has been old enough for a few years now to understand that it is her grandmother's loss, not hers, but it still hurts her a lot.
Oh my God! I hate to hear grandparents being that immature. My mother in law was like that. Took personally the fact that her two year old granddaughter clung to her Mom. I tell you- the real two year old will grow up but the two year old mentality of the grandmother will remain.
my mother was all for boys and favoured my 20 yr old over my 15 yr old which was difficult when she was younger.when it was obvious, we joked about it as a family openly and made bets as to who would notice 1st favouritism each visit....the winner got a prize!by 8 ,my daughter felt sorry for her as she had more;friends,talent,social skillsand confidence than her grandmother!
Did you end up having any really helpful suggestions to your favoritism issue regarding your son & daughter?
i have a very similar situation going on, i have 3 kids myself all with the same father, and i'm getting married to a wonderful man who i adore, and is trying very hard to remedy the favoritism issue going on with his mother. we have had no luck as of yet for all the things we have been trying. she will ALWAYS buy things for his one son, even when it is one of my kids' birthday's... but when it comes to HIS birthday, she doesnt reciprocate the same way... (which would be fine, if she didnt ALWAYS buy him something... meaning, he is never excluded from her "purchases" etc.) i'm at the end of my patience with this woman! hoping you found some solution that is working for you and your situation??
^I suppose you could tell mom that you don't want her to give any of the kids gifts anymore. There just isn't any room in your house for them.
If she would like, she can give your hubby a check to invest in a particular child's college fund. If she chooses to do so, it would then be up to hubby to divy the gifts up into equal shares for all of the kids.
Sorry, it's the best I can come up with. I've luckily never had to deal with this.
If she cant play fair she cant see them both. Thats it!
I totally agree! My husband's brothers and sisters treat our children differently than they treat my brother-in-law's children. My husband adopted my children and they treat them like they are second class citizens compared to how they treat the children who are biologically related---even though my children have been in the family since they were very little.
This unfair treatment isn't something any parent should tollerate. We are fortunate that we only see them on holidays. As a result, we always supervised their interaction. I have never allowed them to be alone with my children! The OP's situation is more of a risk to her children because her inlaws have a lot of interaction with her children. She needs to lay down the law and restrict their access to both children. What they're doing isn't healthy.
Did you end up having any really helpful suggestions to your favoritism issue regarding your son & daughter?
i have a very similar situation going on, i have 3 kids myself all with the same father, and i'm getting married to a wonderful man who i adore, and is trying very hard to remedy the favoritism issue going on with his mother. we have had no luck as of yet for all the things we have been trying. she will ALWAYS buy things for his one son, even when it is one of my kids' birthday's... but when it comes to HIS birthday, she doesnt reciprocate the same way... (which would be fine, if she didnt ALWAYS buy him something... meaning, he is never excluded from her "purchases" etc.) i'm at the end of my patience with this woman! hoping you found some solution that is working for you and your situation??
I've endured this same problem with my husband's brothers and sisters because my children are no biological children in the family. I don't understand why families do this crap!
The only solution that works is your husband taking a firm stand. My husband's brothers and sisters didn't behave themselves until my husband made it clear that HE wanted them to stop showing their favoritism of the other neices and nephews in front of our children. They didn't care what I thought---it's almost like they did it on purpose to hurt me. But they did care what my husband thought---it just took him quite a few years to find a strong voice and stand up to them.
If your husband is presenting this more like he wants it for you or he wants it for the children, they won't listen. Your husband has to make it clear that he is the one who wants it because he loves all of his children equally regardless of biology or lack of official adoption. He needs to let them know the consequences----that he won't be bringing any of the children to see them if they continue to play favorites.
These type of problems in families are so hard to deal with...and it's doubly hard when family members are in denial and get defensive when we try to share our feelings with them...I ran into this problem with an aunt. I had two sons and she gushed over my older son and treated him like a prince or celebrity and treated my younger son like trash and a nothing. My aunt wouldn't own-up to any of it and got mad at me when I brought it up. The problem became so severe I decided to move away.....even tho it meant moving away from my parents too. My aunt hung around all the time and I just had to put some space between her and my sons....The move helped. And the truth is that my older son didn't like all of the attention my aunt showered on him....He felt embarrassed by all of her gushing and boasting and bragging about him...and he felt used too....My aunt used him for her own gain. She was extremely narcisstic.
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Did you ever get any really helpful suggestions?
