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Old 05-01-2009, 09:24 PM
 
10 posts, read 44,089 times
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I'm a 23 y/o single-black mother to a beautiful 4 year old bi-racial daughter. Strangely she was born with blond hair and blue eyes. As a black woman, I'm the complexion of Letoya Luckett (see here .. http://concreteloop.com/wp-content/u...11/llucket.jpg) so it was common to get the double look, or what is she? or the "sell-out" term.

One instance I over-heard another female whisper to her friend. "Oh she must think she is better"

Over what? Who I chose to have a child with?

Anywho, parents of bi-racial children (parents in general are welcomed) Have you gone through the "having a biracial child" phase for comments and stares, and how were they delt?

Are both sides embraced?

Any comments or opinions, please share.

PS: I was watching Imitation of Life ...
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Old 05-01-2009, 09:33 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,036,048 times
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I am the mother of bi-racial children and people have:

*looked at me in confusion
*stammered at me (when people stammering realize I AM their mother)
*asked "are they yours?"
*looked around for their "real" mother
*asked if my children look like their mother

I try to ignore it and not let it get to me. In fact, the less I react, the more embarrassed the person asking the personal questions gets when they realized they've committed a faux pas.

I was prepared the minute I saw them and realized they looked a lot more Caucasian than Asian. My SIL has laughed that people must think we're all the nannies & that my brother must be their driver.

OMG - Imitation of Life - that is a major tear-jerker!!!! I would like to think that we've come a long way since that movie so please don't think that's how life is going to be for you & your beautiful daughter.

I think all we can do is raise our children to be aware of their heritage, be confident in themselves and teach them to respect themselves & others. We can't control how others will act towards them so we have to do our best to give them the tools to deal gracefully with their differences.
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Old 05-01-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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My husband is black and I am white and we have two children. We live in the Fort Worth area of Texas. Most all the time the comments we get here are how beautiful our children. Some people don't realize at first they are mixed and once they realize it, there is that look of...oh, now I know why their skin color is what it is. Our daughter is now 11 and there has never been any negative comments here. There are many many mixed families here though......

On the flip side, my husband is from Memphis and there have been times there where we get the nasty looks while there, typically from other blacks. We've never encountered any negative comments there either, just the looks.
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Old 05-01-2009, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Niles, Michigan
1,692 posts, read 3,128,747 times
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I have 7 kids the last 3 are adopted. One of those children is African American we are white. People state at us all the time. She is 6 and notices it. We moved from Michigan last summer to North Carolina and the stares happen way more here. My son who as well is 6 is Bi Racial. He gets really dark in the summer and lighter in the winter as he is half Mexican/black. His bio sister who is 2 is mexican/white but she has very light skin like I do. Because I 'm older Mom people think I 'm a Grandmother. People have asked me if my daughter who is black came from Africa.
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Old 05-01-2009, 09:48 PM
 
10 posts, read 44,089 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampaguita View Post
I am the mother of bi-racial children and people have:

*looked at me in confusion
*stammered at me (when people stammering realize I AM their mother)
*asked "are they yours?"
*looked around for their "real" mother
*asked if my children look like their mother

I try to ignore it and not let it get to me. In fact, the less I react, the more embarrassed the person asking the personal questions gets when they realized they've committed a faux pas.

I was prepared the minute I saw them and realized they looked a lot more Caucasian than Asian. My SIL has laughed that people must think we're all the nannies & that my brother must be their driver.

OMG - Imitation of Life - that is a major tear-jerker!!!! I would like to think that we've come a long way since that movie so please don't think that's how life is going to be for you & your beautiful daughter.

I think all we can do is raise our children to be aware of their heritage, be confident in themselves and teach them to respect themselves & others. We can't control how others will act towards them so we have to do our best to give them the tools to deal gracefully with their differences.
Yeah, Imitation of Life, is a tear-jerker. I agree we have come along way but we haven't reached the destination. I also agree with the bottom statement 100%.

It's just sad that people expect you to label yourself to "fit in".

Thanks for your input.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
My husband is black and I am white and we have two children. We live in the Fort Worth area of Texas. Most all the time the comments we get here are how beautiful our children. Some people don't realize at first they are mixed and once they realize it, there is that look of...oh, now I know why their skin color is what it is. Our daughter is now 11 and there has never been any negative comments here. There are many many mixed families here though......

On the flip side, my husband is from Memphis and there have been times there where we get the nasty looks while there, typically from other blacks. We've never encountered any negative comments there either, just the looks.
I'm glad it's working out for you "hypocore" and I appreciate your input. Does your daughter, embrace both sides? Has she ever asked the question, what am I? Is she pressured to fit in with a group? How is that working out?
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Old 05-01-2009, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,144 posts, read 22,130,514 times
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I guess in this day and age it shocks me that anyone thinks anything. I know numerous inter-racial couples and bi-racial children as well as white couples who have adopted from China...WHO CARES??? There are a lot of more important things to worry about than that....sheeeesh!
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Old 05-01-2009, 09:58 PM
 
10 posts, read 44,089 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michiganmom48 View Post
I have 7 kids the last 3 are adopted. One of those children is African American we are white. People state at us all the time. She is 6 and notices it. We moved from Michigan last summer to North Carolina and the stares happen way more here. My son who as well is 6 is Bi Racial. He gets really dark in the summer and lighter in the winter as he is half Mexican/black. His bio sister who is 2 is mexican/white but she has very light skin like I do. Because I 'm older Mom people think I 'm a Grandmother. People have asked me if my daughter who is black came from Africa.
I applaud you for being an adoptive parent.

Some people can be very ignorant when their faced to understand something, never grasped before.

Being a parent of children of many races, do you find it more difficult?

Understanding your 6 year old daughter notices it. Has she or her brother of the same age, ask questions?

Have you ever dealt with them believing they were different?

Thanks as well, for your input.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:16 PM
 
10 posts, read 44,089 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I guess in this day and age it shocks me that anyone thinks anything. I know numerous inter-racial couples and bi-racial children as well as white couples who have adopted from China...WHO CARES??? There are a lot of more important things to worry about than that....sheeeesh!
Millions of people do, believe it or not !

Whites adopting from China, isn't more of a stare than a White adopting an African-American. (From what I've seen)

I find it very disturbing that people continue to see "color" and not character.

It angers me as well, that my niece is teased constantly and tormented, because she's the complexion of Alek Wek, with hair to her back and eyes green as grass. As kind as she is. There must be a feeling of threat, for girls her age to feel "She believes, she is better than them".

It becomes aggravating, if you explain to someone your black, but because your hair is long or your eyes is light. They ask "No, what are you mixed with". (Just an example)

I think it's more so, something that can be expressed through personal experience.

Actions like these continue to be carried out, and it's hard for children who want to fit in but get shunned because they haven't established a "side".

This thread is for questions and answers, situations that were presented and how they were dealt with.

This is not a thread for, Well Mrs. Swvejoklsi at 12 Central Park West turned her nose or Blacks this or White that.

Thank you.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Niles, Michigan
1,692 posts, read 3,128,747 times
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Yes my 6 year old does notice that people stare. I tell her that its because she is so cute. WE talk about that are family is different. My 3 older kids are from my first marriage. My 16 year old son I had when I remarried and then we were foster parents and we had 45 kids of all races. My six year old som was our first Foster child and my daughter who is 6 was the 3rd, When her birth parents rights were terminated and way before we thought about adoption for her. At first I just thought well I 'm white we can't adopt her. At that time I was a para pro in a mostly African American school. THe staff of course was all races. The principal at that time was a Black women and I shared with her that I wasn't sure it was okay for this child to not be raised within her own race. She said what a child needs the most os love. Because she was black and her saying that it was like I felt I got permission it was okay. In Michigan we lived in a mostly white community and never had anyone stare but here it is different. My daughter knows her skin is different and I can see now that she is older she thinks about it. So we talk about it but they also know Dad and our 16 year old are Irish and the rest of us aren't. So we are all different in some ways. I try to make sure she understands all races. She is very proud that our president has the same color skin as she does.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:28 PM
 
10 posts, read 44,089 times
Reputation: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by michiganmom48 View Post
Yes my 6 year old does notice that people stare. I tell her that its because she is so cute. WE talk about that are family is different. My 3 older kids are from my first marriage. My 16 year old son I had when I remarried and then we were foster parents and we had 45 kids of all races. My six year old som was our first Foster child and my daughter who is 6 was the 3rd, When her birth parents rights were terminated and way before we thought about adoption for her. At first I just thought well I 'm white we can't adopt her. At that time I was a para pro in a mostly African American school. THe staff of course was all races. The principal at that time was a Black women and I shared with her that I wasn't sure it was okay for this child to not be raised within her own race. She said what a child needs the most os love. Because she was black and her saying that it was like I felt I got permission it was okay. In Michigan we lived in a mostly white community and never had anyone stare but here it is different. My daughter knows her skin is different and I can see now that she is older she thinks about it. So we talk about it but they also know Dad and our 16 year old are Irish and the rest of us aren't. So we are all different in some ways. I try to make sure she understands all races. She is very proud that our president has the same color skin as she does.
Thank you so much ! Your story is heart warming.

I'm glad things are working out, and they having that understanding.

45 Kids Wow! ...
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