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Old 05-02-2009, 10:13 AM
 
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My 14 year old has a great voice, is attractive and has great stage presence. I really want them to try out for the musical....but am meeting with much resistance. How hard do you push? I see parents who push their kids so hard, and the kid goes along and does great things. Then there are parents who say 'she needs to find her own way' or 'I don't want to push them into things and stress them out'. I know very few kids who will seek success on their own, so.....which is right?
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:16 AM
 
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I would strongly encourage but NOT push. Gotta be their choice or whats the point. JMHO
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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I would encourage but I don't think I would force them to participate in an extracurricular activity that they had no interest in. You might see a kid doing "great things" that has been pushed hard by their parents but at what cost? I see kids like this frequently. DD has a friend who was told not to come home if she got a "B" (and it was a serious comment). I see kids whose parents have pushed them in sports too. My observation? As soon as these kids can, they rebel. Or they burn out and what might have developed into a wonderful lifelong hobby or career is no longer a thing of joy to them but a source of stress and anger....Encourage and support but don't force.
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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Quote:
I know very few kids who will seek success on their own

What is your definition of "success"? Just wondering.
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
My 14 year old has a great voice, is attractive and has great stage presence. I really want them to try out for the musical....but am meeting with much resistance. How hard do you push? I see parents who push their kids so hard, and the kid goes along and does great things. Then there are parents who say 'she needs to find her own way' or 'I don't want to push them into things and stress them out'. I know very few kids who will seek success on their own, so.....which is right?
You read horror stories all the time about stars who as children were pushed too hard by their parents and end up with all kinds of problems. Drew Barrymore was pushed pretty hard by her family and she did have quite a time. Granted she is now a big superstar, but she went through several drug rehabs to get herself back on board with the right thing to do. I wouldn't push too hard. Maybe let them join the school chorus, maybe go and try out for school plays if they want to but don't force them to fulfill your dreams, it has to be their dream or it won't work.
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Maine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
My 14 year old has a great voice, is attractive and has great stage presence. I really want them to try out for the musical....but am meeting with much resistance. How hard do you push? I see parents who push their kids so hard, and the kid goes along and does great things. Then there are parents who say 'she needs to find her own way' or 'I don't want to push them into things and stress them out'. I know very few kids who will seek success on their own, so.....which is right?
I would not recommend pushing your child to do this when they obviously don't want to. Your kid said "no"! Why should your kid have to fulfill your dream for them? If he/she has aspirations to become a performer, I am SURE they will let you know, and you should help to encourage and nurture their talent. Until then I think you should back off. Not every attractive person with a good voice dreams of stardom.
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:46 AM
 
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Thanks for the great comments and observations. I see a certain ethnic subset of moms (I don't want to get into race bashing, ok? just reporting what I see!) who PUSH (and I mean PUSH!!) their kids into whatever they think they are good at. Those are the kids who seem to get into the good colleges or jobs....I mean, science fair, art shows, all conference, honor roll.

I've been a VERY laid back parent...that's my nature...and my oldest has always been a go getter on her own, but the middle one is more like me. and I want him to identify what HE likes and go for it. But I don't see that happening! I mean, I wish he could play video games and skateboard for a living (don't we all??) but....
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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It takes all kinds to make the world go round....The "successful" kids of parents who push, generally have that inclination within themselves to begin with. You aren't typically "successful" at something you have no interest in doing.
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Old 05-02-2009, 11:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
It takes all kinds to make the world go round....The "successful" kids of parents who push, generally have that inclination within themselves to begin with. You aren't typically "successful" at something you have no interest in doing.
Hmmm. I'll ponder that one.

By successful, I mean being able to live independently, happily and with the ability to realize some, if not all, of your dreams.

thanks!
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Old 05-02-2009, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,112,687 times
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Quote:
I've been a VERY laid back parent...that's my nature...and my oldest has always been a go getter on her own, but the middle one is more like me. and I want him to identify what HE likes and go for it. But I don't see that happening! I mean, I wish he could play video games and skateboard for a living (don't we all??) but....
First thought: do you have regrets about YOUR talents/drive? Sounds like you are looking back and wishing you had done things differently....just an observation.

Second thought: um he's 14....


Third thought: you seriously want to push your son into musical theater?? That is an activity that (rightly or wrongly not making a judgement just an observation) often times has so many assumptions etc that go along with it. I would think it could be very difficult on a boy to participate in that unless they were personally very driven and very strong. Especially at 14 - the cusp of puberty.

Another thing I have found is that kids know who is involved with what and sometimes, my kids have expressed an interest in a club or activity, only to find that it's not a group of kids they want to spend a lot of time with. Just because someone has a gift or talent doesn't mean that everyone else in that group is a good kid. There could be any number of reasons he doesn't want to do it.

He will find his own way.....sometimes it is really hard to see some of the qualities we wish we didn't have, coming out in our kids so we try to correct it but I don't know that that is so easily done. I think it just causes conflict later.....
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