Parents of kids that have gone off to college.... (baby, games, clothes) - Parenting -Children, problems, school, daycare, behavior, age, teenagers, infants - City-Data Forum

usmcfamily · 05-02-2009, 08:42 PM

Yikes! Overprotective parent here! My daughter has made her final decision about college and had decided on one 3 hours away in a different state. While happy for her, I already have this huge hole in my heart. We really pushed for a state school but this small school is a better fit for her.

So, those that have gone through this, any advise for me? When did you finally get over the sadness?

jenniferprestia · 05-02-2009, 08:50 PM

My daughter's graduated, but I take every opportunity to go and see her, so never? If you love your children, and they aren't a complete pain, then you're going to miss them. Let's face it 3 hours isn't far at all - at one point my DD was considering a school in CA (and we're in PA) - thank god that didn't happen.

I suppose, seriously, it's a gradual process - baby steps etc. FIrst of all, she'll probably call you most days, then eventually you'll find that if you want to speak to her you have to call her. Finally it won't be so much of a big deal and you'll get to the point where it will be a week and one of you will realize that you haven't spoken to the other. I found email very useful - I could put things down as they occurred to me over the day and then send it without being overly intrusive. I think you have to give them space, by my goodness it can be hard.

Mt-7 · 05-02-2009, 09:04 PM

I just about redid every room in the house so I would not lose my mind

When the last one left for college I started on C-D, great distraction.

What you are feeling is normal. Just take it a day at a time.

Aylalou · 05-02-2009, 09:05 PM

I got rid of the sadness when they would come home on holidays and stay up until 4:00 a.m. (college habits)

maciesmom · 05-02-2009, 10:37 PM

The first few weeks are hard but it does get better. DD goes to a college about 3 hours away also. My experience was that 1st semester she didn't come home too much. It was a good thing though. When we went to orientation over the summer the school really stressed how important it was for them to stay at school over weekends and such - go to football games, get involved in campus life. Students who feel a part of the whole school experience do better and stay longer than kids who simply go to class during the week and run home every weekend. First semester was all about making the break, being more independent etc. Second semester she has come home more often and even asked me to drive up to see her one afternoon (it was a long day to drive 3 hrs up, have lunch, go to Walmart then drive 3 hrs home but of course I loved that she wanted me to so it was totally worth it). Now freshman year is over and she'll be home Friday for the summer. I'm a bit worried about how the adjustment from living away and not having to answer to anyone to living at home and having some responsibility here will go (for both of us). It could be a very interesting (and long!) summer.....stay tuned.

Mt-7 · 05-03-2009, 05:31 AM

Same time frame here! I am already practicing the fine art of tongue biting!
He already has a job and dh and I have a few trips planned for ourselves. Lots of MMOB

maciesmom · 05-03-2009, 07:50 AM

Planning on that as much as possible.... We think there is a job lined up (she's had interviews, just waiting for the offer) - trouble is, we'll have to share a car this summer. On days we're both working she'll most likely have to drop me off at work and pick me up later. That will get old for both of us quickly.....

usmcfamily · 05-04-2009, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maciesmom

The first few weeks are hard but it does get better. DD goes to a college about 3 hours away also. My experience was that 1st semester she didn't come home too much. It was a good thing though. When we went to orientation over the summer the school really stressed how important it was for them to stay at school over weekends and such - go to football games, get involved in campus life. Students who feel a part of the whole school experience do better and stay longer than kids who simply go to class during the week and run home every weekend. First semester was all about making the break, being more independent etc. Second semester she has come home more often and even asked me to drive up to see her one afternoon (it was a long day to drive 3 hrs up, have lunch, go to Walmart then drive 3 hrs home but of course I loved that she wanted me to so it was totally worth it). Now freshman year is over and she'll be home Friday for the summer. I'm a bit worried about how the adjustment from living away and not having to answer to anyone to living at home and having some responsibility here will go (for both of us). It could be a very interesting (and long!) summer.....stay tuned.

Thanks! Can't rep you again! I look forward to hearing about your summer. For me, I am cherishing every moment with my daughter. I can just see her wanting to spend her summers in Boston and not back at home.

maciesmom · 05-04-2009, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by usmcfamily

Thanks! Can't rep you again! I look forward to hearing about your summer. For me, I am cherishing every moment with my daughter. I can just see her wanting to spend her summers in Boston and not back at home.

Trust me that will come. DD is already telling me she isn't planning on coming home next summer. We'll see. They think that once they are 18 and have lived away they now have total say over how their time is spent! LOL! My philosophy is more of "he who pays the bills gets the final say".....She is generally very responsible and thoughtful but she's also 18....

VBmom · 05-04-2009, 05:41 PM

My son went to college out of state in 2007. He was 11 hours away from us. I cried for the first two weeks. We have since moved to the same state and he is only 2 hours away. I still miss him every day and my heart leaps when he calls or sends an email. But it has gotten easier.

Two things that helped me: Facebook. I can see what he and his friends are up to. Sometimes I don't really want to know!
The second thing is seeing him grow into a wonderful young man and seeing how happy he is. He sent me a text one day last fall that said, "how did I get so lucky to end up here!"
I guess all we mothers really want in life is to see our kids grow up happy and healthy. Just knowing my son is doing both makes the heartache a little easier.

Oh, and then he comes home for the summer, eats me out of house and home, waits two weeks to even think about applying for a job and leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor. Makes taking him back to college in the fall a little less painful.