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Old 05-03-2009, 02:30 AM
 
1 posts, read 8,416 times
Reputation: 12
Default can't breastfeed 2 week old baby and I feel so guilty

I am a first time mom, my baby was born on 4-15-09 and I have been unable to breastfeed. I am devastated and I can't stop crying.

I had an emergency c-section and was not allowed to see my newborn for almost 24 hours. She was started on formula in the NICU. The nurses had me pump but I got nothing for 4 days in the hospital, then took baby home. She was used to the bottle and the LC at the hospital got her to latch using a nipple guard. She will only latch to the nipple guard and typically falls asleep 5-10 min after latching, only to wake up screaming and wanting more. I had to give her formula and would mix it with breastmilk that I'd pumped... Since then, she has gotten gassy, and fussy and will not sleep more than 30-60 min at a time. Today I decided that I would give her formula only and she is sleeping and has been for 2 1/2 hours!!! I was set on breastfeeding her because "breast is best" and now I feel like a failure. I've been crying since I got home from the hospital and I just can't accept the fact that I have failed at something so natural! I feel like I'm robbing my baby of something and I feel like i'm a horrible mother because I can't breastfeed properly. So far it seems like she is happy with formula but I can't stop thinking that maybe I should keep trying to breastfeed.

Is anyone out there having similiar issues?? I am so depressed I don't know what to do with myself and I'm afraid I'll always hate myself for not breastfeeding!!!
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:17 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,658,232 times
Reputation: 1642
First, dont feel guilty.

feed her from the breast first then the bottle.
find a breast feeding association to give you support. You sound like you need someone to sit with you and help and encourage.
With our first 3, my wife started with very little milk but was gradually able build up the natural supply and reduce the bottle supply.

Guys come on encourage this girl. It is in your own selfish interests. If she bottle feeds, guess who gets up in the middle of the night and warms the bottle. Thats right, its the husbands. Husbands should unite in the fight for the natural way. then we get a peaceful nights sleep because ony mom has the breasts. (BTW, this is a little light humor, don't take it too seriously)
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Old 05-03-2009, 03:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago
35,926 posts, read 55,187,985 times
Reputation: 24543
Fussy and gassy after breast milk but no problems after formula.... Maybe the little one is lactose-intolerant?
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Old 05-03-2009, 05:10 AM
 
Location: Interior alaska
6,272 posts, read 7,649,781 times
Reputation: 3186
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleanhippiechick View Post
I am a first time mom, my baby was born on 4-15-09 and I have been unable to breastfeed. I am devastated and I can't stop crying.

I had an emergency c-section and was not allowed to see my newborn for almost 24 hours. She was started on formula in the NICU. The nurses had me pump but I got nothing for 4 days in the hospital, then took baby home. She was used to the bottle and the LC at the hospital got her to latch using a nipple guard. She will only latch to the nipple guard and typically falls asleep 5-10 min after latching, only to wake up screaming and wanting more. I had to give her formula and would mix it with breastmilk that I'd pumped... Since then, she has gotten gassy, and fussy and will not sleep more than 30-60 min at a time. Today I decided that I would give her formula only and she is sleeping and has been for 2 1/2 hours!!! I was set on breastfeeding her because "breast is best" and now I feel like a failure. I've been crying since I got home from the hospital and I just can't accept the fact that I have failed at something so natural! I feel like I'm robbing my baby of something and I feel like i'm a horrible mother because I can't breastfeed properly. So far it seems like she is happy with formula but I can't stop thinking that maybe I should keep trying to breastfeed.

Is anyone out there having similiar issues?? I am so depressed I don't know what to do with myself and I'm afraid I'll always hate myself for not breastfeeding!!!
Breastfeeding may make you feel better, but the child only cares if it isn't hungry. If you have to feed it with other means, then so be it.

"Grow up" and be a great mom, that will mean more in twenty years than feeling guilty about something you have no control over by feeling sorry for yourself... It isn't about you any more, it is about the child...

Now go enjoy the fact that your child is healthy and you can enjoy having it fall asleep in your arms!

Besides, it will be like tomorrow and she will be wanting to borrow the car. Time will now fly....
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Old 05-03-2009, 05:28 AM
 
Location: Vermont
2,970 posts, read 5,799,016 times
Reputation: 1374
Have you had a lactation consultant come to your home? If not, I highly recommend it. Your insurance may cover your visit.
I'd also suggest calling your OB/GYN to let them know about how you are feeling (the depression). They can help you determine if you have the baby blues vs. something a little more serious (PPD).
Being a first time mom is very, very hard but very rewarding. Good luck!!
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:13 AM
 
Location: Maine
650 posts, read 1,385,952 times
Reputation: 542
It is still not too late! Contact the hospital and have a lactation consultant come to your home. Continue to offer the breast first and continue pumping.

Most women don't have anything except colostrum for the first few days until their milk comes in. For some women it takes awhile for the milk to come in at all.

Find some breastfeeding support. If it is that important to you, you will be able to do this!

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
2,868 posts, read 6,051,917 times
Reputation: 1436
Find your closest LLL meeting and go. They will help you!
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Old 05-03-2009, 07:02 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 6,393,226 times
Reputation: 2735
Find a lactation consultant or a LLL leader. What state are you in (if you don't mind sharing)?

It's normal to not be able to pump any milk the first few days, because all you will have is colostrum.

I used the nipple shields with my son, and they lessened my supply. While waiting for the help of a lactation specialist, try to keep up the pumping in order to not let that happen to you. (I didn't realize what was happening until I was pretty much dried up, and I didn't have the strength to try again... my son ended up having problems on formula, and I felt really guilty. I did go on to nurse my daughter for over 3 years, so it wasn't me... it was those nipple shields!) A good LC can help you to wean off of their use. The gassiness can be from too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk, if she's only nursing for a few minutes... your LC will help you with that too.

If you end up using formula, it's not the end of the world, of course.

Good luck! Get some support, and you and your baby will be fine! It's hard being a first-time mom, but you'll get the hang of it.
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Old 05-03-2009, 07:05 AM
 
Location: In a house
19,028 posts, read 13,438,110 times
Reputation: 13663
Some things are just out of our control. Guilt is a "useless" emotion!! Always try to remember that.
My daughter had a similar problem because her breast were so large the baby had a problem latching on. It was so frusterating for both the baby and her. It took lots of patience but she finally got it figured out. Some mothers just cannot breast feed. It doesn't mean you are a failure at all. There are many healthy adults out in this world that were given formula as babies. Don't give up yet.......good luck!
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Old 05-03-2009, 07:19 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,253,794 times
Reputation: 709
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleanhippiechick View Post
I am a first time mom, my baby was born on 4-15-09 and I have been unable to breastfeed. I am devastated and I can't stop crying.

I had an emergency c-section and was not allowed to see my newborn for almost 24 hours. She was started on formula in the NICU. The nurses had me pump but I got nothing for 4 days in the hospital, then took baby home. She was used to the bottle and the LC at the hospital got her to latch using a nipple guard. She will only latch to the nipple guard and typically falls asleep 5-10 min after latching, only to wake up screaming and wanting more. I had to give her formula and would mix it with breastmilk that I'd pumped... Since then, she has gotten gassy, and fussy and will not sleep more than 30-60 min at a time. Today I decided that I would give her formula only and she is sleeping and has been for 2 1/2 hours!!! I was set on breastfeeding her because "breast is best" and now I feel like a failure. I've been crying since I got home from the hospital and I just can't accept the fact that I have failed at something so natural! I feel like I'm robbing my baby of something and I feel like i'm a horrible mother because I can't breastfeed properly. So far it seems like she is happy with formula but I can't stop thinking that maybe I should keep trying to breastfeed.

Is anyone out there having similiar issues?? I am so depressed I don't know what to do with myself and I'm afraid I'll always hate myself for not breastfeeding!!!
Ahh...c-section...that might explain it sweetheart. I was successful with breastfeeding my last two children but my first, the c-section, was the hard one. I went through the exact same thing, even with the guard. What happens is you have two things going on...

1. The meds you are on can make your areola flatten, making it harder for them to latch on. This is what my sister was told just after her baby last year by a LC. She was orignally ticked because the hospital made it manditory for all mom's to talk to a LC even if they chose to bottle feed but she came in and my sister just loved her. She was incredible supportive and even gave her the medical knowledge to combat our mother. Plus the pain meds last in your body for awhile and you can have "symptoms" from them for awhile, including sudden tiredness, tingling. Problem is, doctors don't tell you that. Plus all the meds you took before your daughter was born went to her as well so it is the same with her.

2. Physically, it is harder because you just had major abdominal surgery. Think about it, if another person had major muscles cut apart like that, do you think that they'd be doing something new and challenging, especially for your when you combine the fact you have those hormones running through your body as well.

What we ended up doing was pumping the milk for her and giving it to her in a bottle. I know people who have had their babies in children's hospital's NICU's for months and pumped and pumped milk for them and that is all they had. I did have to drink malt (Ovaltine) to help increase production to start with. Another thing that worked for us was to let our daughter get really hungery. She latched on and that was that but she was already a few months old. One problem was that the nurses put a pacifer in her mouth after we told them not to. They actually told me if she didn't have that she'd suck her thumb. I threw it out the second I saw it, forbid them to give her another and even forbid them to take her from my room to make sure. Also, I was SO HUGE after the c-section that that also contributed to being flat, making it hard to latch on. While it didn't help with breastfeeding, she did not suck her thumb.

In fact, our youngest had bad jaundice and had to be on Bili lights for a few days at a NICU. The ultra violet lights caused me seziures so he had to be bottle fed only and I pumped while DH went in to feed him. He breastfed fine for a year and a half. The only period he was fed formula was when I was being treated for the seizure, which was for just one feeding. After he came home, he was still on a bili blanket for a week, an extension cord coming out of the room so I could enter and remove him without a reaction. He also had a pacifer, this time with our understanding that he needed the comfort due to limited human contact. After he was off the bili blanket, we threw out the pacifer and struggled just one day with breastfeeding compared with the months with our c-section birth. His birth was a perfect unmedicated natural birth and I was cleaning my house less than 24 hours later. I remember how helpless I felt after my c-section, especially with breastfeeding. I felt like a failure, especially with the friends and family tsk tsking or even breastfeeding their babies.

Good luck! I would also suggest finding a breastfeeding forum too where they are really used to helping. Lots of mom's will be able to share their experiences. It's not just on breastfeeding either. They cover things like fomula supplementing, ect and are less of a debate board, lol.
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