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Old 05-04-2009, 10:34 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 19,285,586 times
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Well, my son has disabilities but he is generally well behaved and not allowed to use his limitations as excuses. He still has to do chores, clean up, not talk back.

He's not allowed to wander around or be on his own too long because he cannot rationalize like a 'normal' 11 year old (I was babysitting at 11)...He has Asperger's Syndrome and some physical limitations which have been documented and his evaluator told us he is like a preschooler in some ways.

This type of information is bound to make anyone uptight.

I also feel other parents CANNOT get involved (with other people's kids) these days. One situation that happened to me this weekend...

This little boy was sitting in his upper story window at our complex. I know he's from a single parent family. I sometimes see them(the mom always watches the kid outside) around...I have no clue where mom was at this time...but this kid, maybe he's 5 or 6..is sitting up in his window and all he needs to do is fall out...I was walking my dog...scared out of my mind for him, but I was not able to ring this lady's bell at 8 am and tell her "Miss, your little boy is upstairs sitting in his window."

Why? #1 I don't feel like I have the right to mind other peoples' business...for all I know the mom was sitting right across the room and letting her boy do this...

#2- People do not appreciate it if you butt in.

I still feel torn about not warning her about this situation (I used to be a teacher so those instincts kick in a lot). My husband insists it is not our business even if people are careless with their kids. I feel like it does take a village to raise a child but no one gives a damn about his or her neighbor anymore.
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Old 05-04-2009, 01:42 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,967,500 times
Reputation: 731
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Well, my son has disabilities but he is generally well behaved and not allowed to use his limitations as excuses. He still has to do chores, clean up, not talk back.

He's not allowed to wander around or be on his own too long because he cannot rationalize like a 'normal' 11 year old (I was babysitting at 11)...He has Asperger's Syndrome and some physical limitations which have been documented and his evaluator told us he is like a preschooler in some ways.

This type of information is bound to make anyone uptight.

I also feel other parents CANNOT get involved (with other people's kids) these days. One situation that happened to me this weekend...

This little boy was sitting in his upper story window at our complex. I know he's from a single parent family. I sometimes see them(the mom always watches the kid outside) around...I have no clue where mom was at this time...but this kid, maybe he's 5 or 6..is sitting up in his window and all he needs to do is fall out...I was walking my dog...scared out of my mind for him, but I was not able to ring this lady's bell at 8 am and tell her "Miss, your little boy is upstairs sitting in his window."

Why? #1 I don't feel like I have the right to mind other peoples' business...for all I know the mom was sitting right across the room and letting her boy do this...

#2- People do not appreciate it if you butt in.

I still feel torn about not warning her about this situation (I used to be a teacher so those instincts kick in a lot). My husband insists it is not our business even if people are careless with their kids. I feel like it does take a village to raise a child but no one gives a damn about his or her neighbor anymore.
If I was a single mom...maybe I'd be making dinner in the next room not knowing what was going on and I'd be happy to know that someone was helping me out and I'd be ticked if my kid fell to their death and the neighbor had looked the other way.

It isn't that people don't like you butting it...its that that fact that they are idiots being pointed out to them. If its about a kid's safety, I don't care what the parent thinks. Its not about them.
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Old 05-04-2009, 01:48 PM
 
6,764 posts, read 19,285,586 times
Reputation: 4664
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
It isn't that people don't like you butting it...its that that fact that they are idiots being pointed out to them. If its about a kid's safety, I don't care what the parent thinks. Its not about them.
Yes, you are right, Becky..
People here seem to lack common sense. Little kids ride their bikes unsupervised (in a very busy parking lot), or they wander around the streets...I mean kids 7, 8 years old.

It may be Vermont but it's not Mayberry...
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Old 05-04-2009, 01:52 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,415,357 times
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yes i agree they are "ill matter". the material parents are working with is very ill. 40 years of drifting into abence of parenting has had a cumulative result, confusion. its not pretty. these are unemployable people no matter how much credentials.
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Old 05-04-2009, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Maine
650 posts, read 1,926,043 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Well, my son has disabilities but he is generally well behaved and not allowed to use his limitations as excuses. He still has to do chores, clean up, not talk back.

He's not allowed to wander around or be on his own too long because he cannot rationalize like a 'normal' 11 year old (I was babysitting at 11)...He has Asperger's Syndrome and some physical limitations which have been documented and his evaluator told us he is like a preschooler in some ways.

This type of information is bound to make anyone uptight.

I also feel other parents CANNOT get involved (with other people's kids) these days. One situation that happened to me this weekend...

This little boy was sitting in his upper story window at our complex. I know he's from a single parent family. I sometimes see them(the mom always watches the kid outside) around...I have no clue where mom was at this time...but this kid, maybe he's 5 or 6..is sitting up in his window and all he needs to do is fall out...I was walking my dog...scared out of my mind for him, but I was not able to ring this lady's bell at 8 am and tell her "Miss, your little boy is upstairs sitting in his window."

Why? #1 I don't feel like I have the right to mind other peoples' business...for all I know the mom was sitting right across the room and letting her boy do this...

#2- People do not appreciate it if you butt in.

I still feel torn about not warning her about this situation (I used to be a teacher so those instincts kick in a lot). My husband insists it is not our business even if people are careless with their kids. I feel like it does take a village to raise a child but no one gives a damn about his or her neighbor anymore.
I don't think people have the right to butt in either. I see tons of kids on a regular basis that aren't in their car seats properly or restained at all. I'd like to say that it is okay to butt in if it is a safety issue, but I really don't think it is. Their kids, their responsiblity.

People feel the need to butt in about my kids all the time, however. Do you know how many times people have stopped me to tell me that my 4 y/o shoes are on the wrong feet or to ask why my kids aren't in school. I don't believe that it takes a village to raise a child. All the village idiots should just MYOB, imo.
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Old 05-04-2009, 02:34 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,595,094 times
Reputation: 952
I was at a department store a couple of months ago and as I was walking up to the doors this little boy who couldn't be more than 2 or 3 yrs came walking out of the store. He was all the way to the edge of the parking lot where it meets the sidewalk for the store. I stopped him and said "where ya going buddy"? He pointed to the parking lot and grunted ( he couldn't even talk yet!). I walked him back in and I noticed a lady looking through the carts and she had 2 other kids with her. So I say " excuse me maam is this your son?" she said "yes" without paying too much attention to me ( she was still looking through the carts). I told her that I found him in the parking lot, you know what she says? "yeah he does that sometimes" . I couldn't believe it so I just said " well I thought you would like to know". She just yanked him by the arm and stomped off.
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:22 AM
 
833 posts, read 4,370,639 times
Reputation: 969
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
Well, my son has disabilities but he is generally well behaved and not allowed to use his limitations as excuses. He still has to do chores, clean up, not talk back.

He's not allowed to wander around or be on his own too long because he cannot rationalize like a 'normal' 11 year old (I was babysitting at 11)...He has Asperger's Syndrome and some physical limitations which have been documented and his evaluator told us he is like a preschooler in some ways.

This type of information is bound to make anyone uptight.

I also feel other parents CANNOT get involved (with other people's kids) these days. One situation that happened to me this weekend...

This little boy was sitting in his upper story window at our complex. I know he's from a single parent family. I sometimes see them(the mom always watches the kid outside) around...I have no clue where mom was at this time...but this kid, maybe he's 5 or 6..is sitting up in his window and all he needs to do is fall out...I was walking my dog...scared out of my mind for him, but I was not able to ring this lady's bell at 8 am and tell her "Miss, your little boy is upstairs sitting in his window."

Why? #1 I don't feel like I have the right to mind other peoples' business...for all I know the mom was sitting right across the room and letting her boy do this...

#2- People do not appreciate it if you butt in.

I still feel torn about not warning her about this situation (I used to be a teacher so those instincts kick in a lot). My husband insists it is not our business even if people are careless with their kids. I feel like it does take a village to raise a child but no one gives a damn about his or her neighbor anymore.
Yikes. That is scary.

I had a similar situation happen on our street. The 11 year old boy was in his 2nd story bedroom window and had taken the screen off. He was leaning out the window. I immediately called up the grandmother (she was babysitting him while his parents were out of town) and she thanked me profusely. He had been sent to his room for a timeout and she said she had no idea he took the screen out. She went immediately up there and put the screen back in.

But these were neighbors we were very friendly with. We knew the parents were out of town and I wanted to lend a helping hand to the grandmother who I knew would not know the grandson was hanging out the window. If it was someone else on the street, I'd probably do the same thing. If I didn't have their phone number, I'd knock on the front door.

I do believe it takes a village to raise children.
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Conejo Valley, CA
12,476 posts, read 16,972,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
Not being allowed to walk to school is a safety concern that does not fall into the same category of how a child is allowed to speak to their parents. Two completely different things.
Yes, they are different things. But to me the kids are not being allowed to discover themselves and to make matters worse are allowed to be brats in their homes.

And just to clarify, I can understand being very strict with your kids in terms of going out etc when you live in a bad area. But in the cases I'm thinking of they are all in rather safe communities. Ironically, the people I know in worse communities tend to give their kids more latitude.

If it was just limited to not walking to school it would not be a big deal. But, the parents tend to be over controlling with most things, except of course a number of important things. In the case of one of my siblings, its so extreme that family members are rarely allowed to take them out.
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Old 01-20-2013, 10:22 PM
 
3,284 posts, read 6,291,570 times
Reputation: 8308
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
I think it is safer now than 30 years ago BUT we dont think it is safer.

30 years ago, no one investigated parents or teachers or anyone who interfered with kids.

Now everyone is watching everyone and reporting suspicions and when they are reported they are investigated.

However we are swamped in media. no matter where in the world someone is attacked it is reported as if it happened in our neighbourhood.

I think that these days parents are feeling fearful. They make their decisions based on fear.
I know someone who will not allow her 12 year old son to walk down the street to a friend's house. She drives him there even though it is only five houses down. This is in a suburban neighborhoood. It is safer now than it was in the 80s based on crime stats, but everyone acts like the boogeyman is always hiding in the bushes. I blame the media too.
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Old 01-21-2013, 03:01 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,764,767 times
Reputation: 3110
This is a hard one. As a kid I lived in rural Hawaii and pretty much had freedom at an early age. In 6 th grade I would be out wandering the countryside (acres and acres to explore), shooting bows and arrows (until I put a hole through our water catchment pool, lol), shooting cans with our 22, etc. I was a free range kid growing up in the 60s/70s. When I was in 4 th grade, we were on a ship to Australia. Another kid and I were roaming the ship including galley, engine compartments, etc. No one batted an eyelash and I still remember our adventures to this day. The world was our playground and I had a blast.

Do this now? Hell no. If I let my young children roam like I did, people would be reporting us to DYFS. I do give my kids some freedom in the neighborhood like walk from the bus, let them ride their bikes, etc. I wouldn't let them roam out of our development since cars travel at a very high rate of speed along our roads. I feel kind of sorry for them actually since my husband and I both had free ranging childhoods.

It is a bit harder to do this in a very urban, congested area like NJ.
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