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Old 05-04-2009, 04:03 AM
 
Location: Conejo Valley, CA
12,476 posts, read 16,969,159 times
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Perhaps, its just the people I'm around. But it seems parents these days are rather uptight with their kids. Here I have in mind parents that were born in the 60's and 70's.

Almost all the parents I know, their kids are not allowed to do things that I was allowed to do at much earlier ages. Even my siblings who had a similar upbringing are rather strict with their kids.

But the strictness is not universal, in fact its almost reverse of how parents have been in past generations. For example, a 13 year old won't be allowed to walk to school, but they can be disrespectful brats at home.

Its really odd, it seems like people are raising very sheltered yet ill-mattered kids.
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Old 05-04-2009, 06:13 AM
 
Location: Maine
650 posts, read 1,925,775 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by user_id View Post
Perhaps, its just the people I'm around. But it seems parents these days are rather uptight with their kids. Here I have in mind parents that were born in the 60's and 70's.

Almost all the parents I know, their kids are not allowed to do things that I was allowed to do at much earlier ages. Even my siblings who had a similar upbringing are rather strict with their kids.

But the strictness is not universal, in fact its almost reverse of how parents have been in past generations. For example, a 13 year old won't be allowed to walk to school, but they can be disrespectful brats at home.

Its really odd, it seems like people are raising very sheltered yet ill-mattered kids.
We live in a different world than when you and I were kids. It isn't safe to let your young child just wander around the neighborhood until dark, like most of my friends did when I was a kid. My parents were pretty strict even back then, so I wasn't allowed to do those things either.

I think a lot of times, parents are trying to make up for the fact that they can't allow all of the privileges of the past, so they become ultra permissive in discipline. This isn't happening in the majority of cases, imo. Most parents that I know are going out of their way to raise respectful children.
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Old 05-04-2009, 06:19 AM
 
833 posts, read 4,369,988 times
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Today, parents and their actions live under a microscope. Everything we do or don't do is judged, talked about, and judged again. It makes for a very fear-based and 'uptight' way to parent.

Parenting has become a competitive sport, as well. This certainly does not help matters.
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Old 05-04-2009, 06:49 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,654,296 times
Reputation: 1693
I think it is safer now than 30 years ago BUT we dont think it is safer.

30 years ago, no one investigated parents or teachers or anyone who interfered with kids.

Now everyone is watching everyone and reporting suspicions and when they are reported they are investigated.

However we are swamped in media. no matter where in the world someone is attacked it is reported as if it happened in our neighbourhood.

I think that these days parents are feeling fearful. They make their decisions based on fear.
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Old 05-04-2009, 07:05 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,266,067 times
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can't walk to school because some wacko will pull her into a van and rape and kill her and dump her remains in the woods. Can't side with ya on that one

But I know what you mean. American society is otherwise very uptight and prudish compared to other countries. Sex and nuidty are so "eeeevil" in the US.
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Old 05-04-2009, 07:50 AM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,521,622 times
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We can sit here and say it is a different time, but teaching children independence as well as respect is a timless responsibility of the parents. Another skill that has fallen by the wayside is responsibility. In some cases, the children are in homes where there is only one parent who takes care of them and that parent is too tired to parent after working all day and the everyday chores of life. There are parents who think that they are allowing their children to "be themselves" and parents who are too lazy to actually parent. But these are the minority. Because they make such a negative impact on the rest of us, we generalize that all parents are allowing their kids to grow up into immature brats.

I've spent time with my oldest's friends... they look like "bad" kids with leather jackets and skull t-shirts, but they have always been polite and respectful to myself and other adults. I have a friend who does allow her daughter to talk to her like dirt... I call daughter out myself. It is a two way street.... One morning I told this girl, "have a good day at school" she came back in the room and said "no one has ever said that to me before"..... she was 12ish at the time.

Call it entitlement, immaturity, bratty, rude... whatever. As a society, if we did not tolerate this behavior, it wouldn't continue.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,898,580 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by summers19 View Post
Today, parents and their actions live under a microscope. Everything we do or don't do is judged, talked about, and judged again. It makes for a very fear-based and 'uptight' way to parent.

Parenting has become a competitive sport, as well. This certainly does not help matters.
Agreed. The worst "judges" of all, are other parents... it is horrible the way other parents (mainly mom's-as a mom I hope that I am not one of these judges...but it IS mainly the mom's)...
From what our children are wearing ,to what they eat,if they watch tv ,who their friends are,etc...
Every single thing we do is judged and commented on.
It is extremely difficult to just parent your child the way that you see is right for your family, as someone always has something to say.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:04 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,240,900 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by user_id View Post
But the strictness is not universal, in fact its almost reverse of how parents have been in past generations. For example, a 13 year old won't be allowed to walk to school, but they can be disrespectful brats at home.
Not being allowed to walk to school is a safety concern that does not fall into the same category of how a child is allowed to speak to their parents. Two completely different things.

Parenting is a lot of work. And many things occur throughout the day to add good & bad pressures.

Uptight does not mean the same thing as strict. You can have an uptight parent who is uptight due to many factors such as stress; financial worries; maritial problems & so on.

Strict parents can & are laid back. They have a set of rules in place & stick with it.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:05 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,266,067 times
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well the more you restrict and tighten your grip the more they will resist and do what they want when your not around.

Your only teaching them to not do certain things when your around.

Say you don't let em watch football. And thats that. Well, no it isn't. As soon as you leave the house or they go to a buddy's, they'll flip on the game and turn it off the moment they hear your car coming back home. Actually in today's world they can watch the game online or with an Ipod, too. (example)

Not saying don't have rules, just saying don't be a Stalin about it.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:08 AM
 
Location: North Texas
384 posts, read 850,344 times
Reputation: 256
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
We can sit here and say it is a different time, but teaching children independence as well as respect is a timless responsibility of the parents. Another skill that has fallen by the wayside is responsibility. In some cases, the children are in homes where there is only one parent who takes care of them and that parent is too tired to parent after working all day and the everyday chores of life. There are parents who think that they are allowing their children to "be themselves" and parents who are too lazy to actually parent. But these are the minority. Because they make such a negative impact on the rest of us, we generalize that all parents are allowing their kids to grow up into immature brats.

I've spent time with my oldest's friends... they look like "bad" kids with leather jackets and skull t-shirts, but they have always been polite and respectful to myself and other adults. I have a friend who does allow her daughter to talk to her like dirt... I call daughter out myself. It is a two way street.... One morning I told this girl, "have a good day at school" she came back in the room and said "no one has ever said that to me before"..... she was 12ish at the time.

Call it entitlement, immaturity, bratty, rude... whatever. As a society, if we did not tolerate this behavior, it wouldn't continue.
Good post!

My wife and I ate at a casual restaurant yesterday and we noticed a group of children eating at a table by themselves while their parents where at an adjacent table. These children ate their meals and when finished did not jump up and run around yelling and screaming in the restaurant as we see so many do. We complimented the parents on leaving about their well behaved children. So many parents allow their kids to run around a restaurant believing that it is a playground and the parents make excuses like; their just kids or they have ADD and we can't control them. BS. No, its lazy parenting in most cases. These parents were not uptight but obviously believed that children need to act appropriately when in public and have respect for others in their surroundings.

There is absolutely no reason why I, or anyone else, should have to put up with someone elses brats running around a restaurant like a group of wild animals. That's not why I'm there and they shouldn't be either.
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