U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-06-2009, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Woodlawn, Bronx
54 posts, read 160,210 times
Reputation: 35

Advertisements

There was a study done on "child stalking" that found that kids who stalked other kids tended to be more violent than adults, and tended to stalk for different reasons than adults (rarely due to infactuation, and much more likely as an extension of bullying, and due to retaliation and rejection). BBC NEWS | Health | Child stalking 'more aggressive'

So it's not that weird to call what one child does to another assault, depending I'm sure on what was done.

Teresa
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-06-2009, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,222,306 times
Reputation: 4107
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeresaMike View Post
So it's not that weird to call what one child does to another assault, depending I'm sure on what was done.
There's nothing wrong with calling it assault if it is assault. What is being called "assault" on this thread is consensual sexual experimentation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-06-2009, 09:35 PM
 
Location: MA
46 posts, read 86,077 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
If so, then all 13-year-old males are pervs.
Disagree. My Nephew is 13. He lives with me and he and his friends are more concerned with learning "cool skateboarding moves" Sure, he's JUST starting to acknowledge the feminine persuasion....but it ends there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-06-2009, 09:41 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,222,306 times
Reputation: 4107
Quote:
Originally Posted by familytoe View Post
Disagree. My Nephew is 13. He lives with me and he and his friends are more concerned with learning "cool skateboarding moves" Sure, he's JUST starting to acknowledge the feminine persuasion....but it ends there.
I didn't say 13-year-old boys wanted sex to the exclusion of everything else on earth. I just said that they do want it and it's not because they are "confused" (Gypsy's word), it's because they're wired that way by tens of thousands of years of evolution.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-06-2009, 09:54 PM
 
1,219 posts, read 3,751,998 times
Reputation: 579
The author of the Salon article says she grew up in the Houston suburbs in the 70's-80's. She's around my age, then, and I lived there too. We did indeed have parents waiting at the bus stops then! My mom used to take turns with the other moms (and a dad) doing it. That author wasn't living in some free range world, in that time and that place. There were problems sometimes in those suburbs, I remember. Like, the guy across the block who always yelled at kids who walked on 'his' sidewalk-we were all scared of him and my mom made us walk the long way around his place-he killed his wife one evening in his garage while people were outside enjoying the nice weather.

I'm pretty protective of my kids and proud of it. My kids know how to spot trouble and how to avoid it. They aren't just free-ranging on the streets like cattle. I don't need that author's permission to worry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-06-2009, 11:22 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,787,572 times
Reputation: 35909
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
There's nothing wrong with calling it assault if it is assault. What is being called "assault" on this thread is consensual sexual experimentation.
You have just set off the alarm to wake up all the people whose mantra is "No person under 18 or 16 (depending, inexplicably, only on their state of residence) has the maturity to give consent:.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-06-2009, 11:25 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,580,874 times
Reputation: 47459
its not the kids that are the worry chip em now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-07-2009, 07:49 AM
 
Location: uk
35 posts, read 86,436 times
Reputation: 38
djacques,surely a parental role is not just to give, facilitate or condone everything a child wants or does?
children have sexual feelings 'obviously' pretty much from birth and surely only a closet paedophile would encourage/condone them to act on those feelings with another person adult or child.
as parents don't you think we should bring up our children to respect the laws of their country including the age of consent?
in my experience younger teens, who experiment,either;have low self esteem
....lack of empathy
......poor impulse control
.......or have been brought up in an overly over sexualised enviroment
what is wrong in teaching children/teens that sex isn't just about physical sensations,but also about connecting with someone who is important to you.
do you honestly believe that a younger teen is emotionally equipt to deal with issues like infertillity,abortion,caring deeply for someone who's using you,
are your posts for real or are you just stirring.
i'm getting an image of a little boy stiring up an ants nest1
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-07-2009, 09:29 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 19,326,730 times
Reputation: 4665
I guess people get upset with some laws..if you are under the age of consent in your state (speaking in the USA, not UK) and have 'relations' with someone a year over the limit, that person can go to jail and have a record for being pedophile. Some see this as unfair. You can argue if a 15 year old and a 16 year old are in a relationship and this happens, it's 'unfair'.

My post (about assault) was more directed at how older kids can manipulate younger ones. If you're talking a 13 year old w/a 17 year old...that is totally wrong. Also, it's about how many parents assume kids are safe with other kids (over the 'stranger danger' adults). This is not always the case.

It's true you can have impulses but you need to control them. That is what makes us apart from the animal kingdom. We can plan and think our moves (regarding 'reproduction' matters).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-07-2009, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,222,306 times
Reputation: 4107
Quote:
Originally Posted by katy68 View Post
djacques,surely a parental role is not just to give, facilitate or condone everything a child wants or does?
It certainly is not.

Quote:
children have sexual feelings 'obviously' pretty much from birth and surely only a closet paedophile would encourage/condone them to act on those feelings with another person adult or child.
"Encouragement" is not what's being talked about, and let's not pretend it is. But child development experts and others who've bothered to research the issue know there is such a thing as age-appropriate sexual curiosity/experimentation as well as things that are inappropriate. At a further level still there is predation and assault, but in my dictionary those typically involve a real or perceived threat of violence.

In my view, it goes like this:

age appropriate exploration<age inappropriate exploration<manipulation<assault/rape

That is a nuanced view and one with which most psychiatrists and clinicians would agree, more or less. Gypsy and wyo, on the other hand appear to only be able to see one category. If "child" and "sexual" are used in the same sentence, they start to become apoplectic.

Quote:
as parents don't you think we should bring up our children to respect the laws of their country including the age of consent?
Sure. But respecting the laws does not require demanding a fiendish punishment for everyone, including children, who break any law. Common sense does come into the picture, even among people who respect law and order. (For a contrary view, google "Inspector Javert", or look at that site I posted a few pages back.)

Quote:
in my experience younger teens, who experiment,either;have low self esteem
....lack of empathy
......poor impulse control
.......or have been brought up in an overly over sexualised enviroment
Well, the last statement squares the circle. I suspect you'd label any liberal sexual environment "over-sexualized", at which point the tautology would work. As for the rest...lack of empathy? Please. Poor impulse control? Maybe. But that's still begging the question rather plainly of what impulses they must be expected to control.

Quote:
what is wrong in teaching children/teens that sex isn't just about physical sensations,but also about connecting with someone who is important to you.
Nothing. We should teach them that. I believe teens are able to experience emotions at a much more profound level than you do apparently. If teens are shallow, it's because we expect them to be shallow.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top