U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,066,305 times
Reputation: 1496

Advertisements

Ok here is my story:
I have 5 kids ages 7, 4, 3, and almost 17 month twins. I have tried everything to get them to mind but they just will not. I am married to a truck driver who is gone 90% of the time and sometimes I just give in instead of fighting about something. I know I should not do this but I get so tired of fighting with my kids. I do not want to be doing that to them. My parents always tell me I am not tough enough but they (my kids)have been through so much already. I do not want to add more pressure to them.

I want them to mind. I do not ask them to do outrageous things just to keep their rooms clean and toys picked up out of the living room.

Am I wrong for not being tougher or should I just not worry? Some people say kids will be kids but if I let them run me over now they will do it when they are older right?

I need help!! Please!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,107,592 times
Reputation: 35503
Take a deep breath......

Honestly there is no point in fighting with kids that young. You obviously have your hands full. Instead of fighting and yelling can you work together and/or make it a game? Give each of the older kids a laundry basket and see who can run around the house picking things up that need to be put away. 5 minutes only and start the timer. When the 5 minutes are up determine who has the "most" and then exchange baskets and have the other put the things away....make the chores fun and don't have them last too long. .....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,191,291 times
Reputation: 4103
The 7-year-old is old enough to have cleaning responsibilities; the others, it's probably a lost cause at this point.

I would tell the 7-year-old to get a certain area clean, or get a spanking. Then follow through.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,066,305 times
Reputation: 1496
What is so bad is the 4 year old (who will be 5 the 24th) will clean more than the 7 year old. The 7 year old has Asperger's syndrome and trys to blame EVERYTHING on that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,191,291 times
Reputation: 4103
Well, in that case, take whatever help you can get from the 4-year-old, but don't let the 7-year-old slide one bit. Asperger's is not the same as being crippled!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,066,305 times
Reputation: 1496
Oh yeah I forgot to mention they do not act like this when dad is at home. They can be good kids then again they can get wild! LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,066,305 times
Reputation: 1496
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Well, in that case, take whatever help you can get from the 4-year-old, but don't let the 7-year-old slide one bit. Asperger's is not the same as being crippled!
I know this but apparently he doesn't. I tried to tell him that AS was mostly a social disorder. He will try anything to get out of work! LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,066,305 times
Reputation: 1496
Thanks for the responses!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2009, 09:07 PM
 
Location: coos bay oregon
2,096 posts, read 8,057,859 times
Reputation: 1273
id say start using some positive re-enforsements. especially if the little ones are doing it and the oldest isnt. Start a chart or a happy jar. We use a happy bucket sometimes. If a child is doing something very well, I'll call out HAPPY BUCKET! and they get something out of the bucket. Its full of little things, like small pieces of candy, pencils, stickers, stuff like that, for home use, also put in little notes maybe for stuff like "get to stay up 10min late" or "extra time on the playground the next time we go" ......
kids are all about positives.
Make sure you praise them where the others see/hear too when they are being helpful.
Good luck!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-05-2009, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Aberdeen
168 posts, read 257,396 times
Reputation: 372
IMHO, when your parents say you need to be tougher, what they mean is be consistent. And that is what I would recommend. If you tell your children to pick up, mean it. If they don't listen, give them a quick, little switch on the leg (a little sting that gets the attention is not abuse). This gets their attention and enforces the idea that they should listen when momma speaks. And it also helps you to weed out what to really focus on (i.e. what is worth a switch if they don't obey). If you aren't willing to enforce your word, then don't ask it of them, but they should listen to and obey your every word (or at least 80% of the time, lets be real). I am speaking from experience here. We had the same heart aches with our four children before my wife came across some child training books and this is where we discovered happiness in our family. This is training, not discipline, not abuse. You are training your children to listen to and respect authority. Even your child with AS can and needs to learn how to respect authority. You can do this in a loving attitude. The point is NOT to get angry, but to say something, mean it, if you aren't obeyed you give a quick switch with a smile and don't say another word. They heard you and know what is expected. It is very hard at first because the children are in a habit of not listening to you, which means you will have to give a lot of switches at first. The point is to TRAIN your children out of love and you will avoid the angry, frustrated times. Everyone will be happier. It doesn't help that your husband is gone so much, but he can help by building you up in the childrens eyes, to praise you as a mommy and to enforce your position as their authority in his absence. God Bless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top