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Old 05-04-2009, 07:53 PM
 
161 posts, read 313,546 times
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Default Why don't people RSVP anymore?

So DS is turning 6 this week and we sent invites to his whole class 10 days ago for a party this weekend. Plenty of notice. I asked for people to RSVP by tomorrow, and of 20 potential guests, only 2 have responded in any way, shape, or form (both today).

He is my youngest of three, and I am so over the whole birthday party drama I could scream. One brother had the party where 3 people responded yes and 12 showed up; another had the classic 8 yes replies and only 4 actually came. Thankfully my older two are at the point where they are fine with 1-3 close friends and a day at the lake or bowling or paintball park.

It means a lot to my little one and he asks everyday who is coming; all I can tell him is I DON"T KNOW. Letters are going to all his classmates tomorrow to try and get a few more responses.... I always reply to an invite yes or no within 3 days of receipt and I suppose I foolishly expect others to do the same for me...why aren't people polite anymore?
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Old 05-04-2009, 07:58 PM
 
20 posts, read 32,247 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucyhoneychurch View Post
So DS is turning 6 this week and we sent invites to his whole class 10 days ago for a party this weekend. Plenty of notice. I asked for people to RSVP by tomorrow, and of 20 potential guests, only 2 have responded in any way, shape, or form (both today).

He is my youngest of three, and I am so over the whole birthday party drama I could scream. One brother had the party where 3 people responded yes and 12 showed up; another had the classic 8 yes replies and only 4 actually came. Thankfully my older two are at the point where they are fine with 1-3 close friends and a day at the lake or bowling or paintball park.

It means a lot to my little one and he asks everyday who is coming; all I can tell him is I DON"T KNOW. Letters are going to all his classmates tomorrow to try and get a few more responses.... I always reply to an invite yes or no within 3 days of receipt and I suppose I foolishly expect others to do the same for me...why aren't people polite anymore?

Poeple are too busy and/or they are just plain rude and selfish. . .

I always put RSVP REGRETS ONLY. Then only the ones who can't make it have to call. I also put an email address for those who don't have the time to call.

Since you can't go back and do just that, I'd assume that more than the 2 are coming. They will either call you at the last moment or just show up. Though it isn't your fault I'd call them to see if they are coming or send a reminder or make up some reason to call like an update (party moved to 3 instead of 230). . It will be worth it in the long run and eliminate the aggrevation of the suprise when no one or all of them show up and you had no idea
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,277 posts, read 2,608,960 times
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I just dealt with this too. RSVP's were supposed to be in by May 1 for a May 9 party. By May 1, I was still awaiting 7 replies. I just sent out a generic e-mail to all the Mom's as a "gentle reminder" to please reply (with apologies to those who had already replied) b/c I had to give a final headcount to the facility where the party will be. As of tonight, all but one have replied. That seemed to work and no one sounded offended. I don't know what the deal with people is either. I feel the same way you do!
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:53 PM
 
161 posts, read 313,546 times
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I am bringing a treat to my son's class tomorrow (real B-day) and along with it, a note asking everyone to please let me know YES or NO by Thursday as I need a head count for food... I am including a phone number (with answering machine) and an email address so hopefully I will hear from a few more people either way!
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:53 PM
 
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It's been a problem around here for years. Here's my guess - parents are totally overwhelmed with birthday party invites. There are multiple parties every weekend. The cost of gifts is adding up. Plus, the kids are over-scheduled and have scheduling conflicts any way.

I am so happy to be past that stage. Over the years my son was invited (1) to a party at noon on Mother's Day, (2) a party by a child he had never met (the mom had to have 20 kids at the venue so she invited kids from another class too - different aged kids), (3) a party by another child who enrolled at the daycare for 2 weeks just for the purpose of the mom to get names of children to invite to this kids' party and then after the party they kid withdrew from the daycare.

My son was invited to so many parties it simply wasn't logistically possible to attend them all. They start times overlapped - even for kids in the same class. Some of the venues were so far away, too, 15-20 miles away, and I live in the city. It's not like I live in a rural area.

It was just out of control. Not RSVP'ing is a passive-aggressive response to the chaos. The parents don't want to deal with it. I always RSVP'ed, but it was just relentless. For the record I only had 2 formal parties for my son, age 5 and 7, and half the kids showed up each time. Some brought surprise guests/siblings with them, but that was okay. The more the merrier and I was always ready for however many showed up.

Actually, I think the problem is worse now than it was 10 years ago, at least that's what it seems like from what parents tell me. And from my experience, most of those who don't RSVP aren't coming.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,810 posts, read 2,442,176 times
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I am sorry about the last minute responses that people receive,but am feeling a little better myself because we too, are experiencing the same issue right now.
My daughter's bday is this weekend,sent out invites 3 weeks ago and have only received 4 responses,sent to 15pp.

I was just thinking the same thing this afternoon, I always respond in a timely fashion,most of the time,within days.
I think that people are busy,but it just isn't an excuse to be rude.
My poor little girl is also asking me every day and every day I tell her that we don't know the exact # yet and she has her own little list of her classmates checking their names off.
It is so sad to see it at such an early age,she just wants her "friends" there with her.
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:00 PM
 
161 posts, read 313,546 times
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I agree all the parties can be out of control--this is just a simple party at my house, nothing fancy...but honestly, if people are so busy, fine, don't come. Just LET ME KNOW you aren't coming! It takes 5 seconds to pick up the phone! I would rather know no one is showing up than wonder on the day and have to explain to a crying 6 year old why none of his friends' parents bothered to have the common courtesy to decline the invitation ahead of time! Last year we ended up giving the few guests who did show up whole pizzas to take home because we could not get invitees to give us a simple yes or no answer and we way overordered on food JUST IN CASE they decided to show! :-(
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,601,236 times
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It is a sad thing.
And RUDE.
Maybe we have become too disconnected.
Many kids are over scheduled and to come to the party means upsetting their schedule.
It is disconcerting not to know and of course the kids wonder what is wrong.
I just do parties in the park. Have food that the quantity does not matter.
Stay positive.
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:45 PM
 
Location: somewhere
3,667 posts, read 4,938,177 times
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I am a bad Mom, my kids have had a couple of formal parties but now we just do a close friend or two. It was just to much with people not responding but then showing up or responding and then not showing up. It is alot less stressful for the kids and I both.

I don't know if it is the fast paced world we live in or just plain rudeness on the part of the parents. To the OP I hope your 6 yr old has a wonderful bday no matter what.
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:56 PM
 
358 posts, read 675,729 times
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I understand that everyone is busy and that birthday party invitations can seem overwhelming but there is no excuse not to respond to the any invitation if asked to do so. Being "passive agressive" by not responding is not right and I am sorry...it is just plain rude. I can bet those same people would be pretty upset if their child was not included in the mirade of parties. The sad thing is that we all know that proper head counts are very important to many parties these days. People pay per person at a lot of party places. Just because everyone does it or in this case does not do it (properly respond), does not make it right.

This problem does not only exist within the birthday party world. I used to work in the special event field and properly responding to an invitation is pretty much obsolete. I don't want to sound old fashioned but people are really NOT being taught proper manners in this regard. Not responding is showing a lack of respect.
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