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Old 05-08-2009, 12:52 PM
 
1,628 posts, read 5,773,980 times
Reputation: 1221

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Quote:
Originally Posted by j7r6s View Post
It's interesting to me to see the difference in this thread and most others. In various other threads here, you can read this exact scenario, just replace "girls" with dog/waterfall/stereo/tv/power tool/etc. In those threads, people recommend first speaking with the neighbor, then getting the authorities or HOA involved. I don't really understand why screeching children should be any different. I never see anyone say "Well dogs ARE dogs, and dogs bark at things. You've got no right to ask the owner to keep a dog from barking while it's playing outside."
Others may agree with you. I do not place children who are happily playing, which is part of a healthy and enjoyable upbringing, in the same category as dogs or power tools. Incessant barking is not part of a healthy dog upbringing--it is usually indicative of distress and lonliness. Power tools during the day is fine, just not late at night. Kids playing is part of a healthy upbringing, a love of nature and outdoors, social development, etc. Must we control eVERYTHING kids do? Most are so overscheduled today, that I find it refreshing to hear there are some kids still outside just laughing and playing and yelling and entertaining themselves.

In one breath we're all concerned that children today are obese, and are spending too much time in front of the tv and in the next breath, we're complaining they are too loud playing outside?
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Old 05-08-2009, 12:57 PM
 
836 posts, read 3,094,136 times
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I am with PDX mom, some kids, even outside are louder than others. I have three kids, including two girls. Yes, my kids do scream sometimes, but not that often and if it was so much that the neighbors were suffering, I would want to know. We have some friends who's kids scream at the top of their lungs at each other all the time, outside and inside. Frankly, my kids don't even like going to their house anymore. I couldn't imagine having to live next door to them. There is a difference between making outside noise, with the occasional scream, and constant loud screaming.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,323 posts, read 18,660,193 times
Reputation: 11064
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogandtoad View Post
I don't really see both sides. I think outside is for being loud when playing.

Sounds like the problem is in the quality of building of houses if it's actually that loud from inside with the windows/doors shut and tv on, and the proximity of houses to one another. Nothing much can be done about that, but that's not the kids' fault.

Sounds like they're doing just what kids do. So yes, I personally do think you're out of line for asking kids to quiet down when they are outside. If they are on your property, you could ask them to get off (so it's farther away from you) but otherwise, I'd say that sounds like a grumpy old man (or woman)--complaining about happy kids playing, even if they are really loud.

There is such a thing as "do what you want, as long as you aren't bothering someone". The OP is not being a "grumpy old man/woman" because s/he has already said that there are other kids all around and they aren't that loud; this is clearly a case with the children in question. Considering the dad's bad attitude about it, the girls have never been taught to be considerate of anyone else (nor has the dad, sadly). It would be one rthing if the OP were complaining about every kid in the neighborhood, but that is not the case here.

Living in a neighborhood means being respectful and considerate to your neighbors, EVEN if you are kids--teenagers are certainly old enough to be aware when they are bothering someone and tone it down, but when thier parents have apparently modeled the behavior that "kids will be loud, everyone else will just have to suck it up", obviously the girls aren't going to ever learn any differently. I feel very sorry for the OP to have such rude and inconsiderate people as neighbors, frankly.

Quote:
In one breath we're all concerned that children today are obese, and are spending too much time in front of the tv and in the next breath, we're complaining they are too loud playing outside?
Obviously there is a difference between "playing happily outside" and "screeching at the top of their lungs bothering people INSIDE their houses on a regular basis". Somehow all the other kids in this neighborhood have managed to live and play there without causing such annoyance; why is it so difficult for you to imagine that this may indeed be a case of really loud, rude neighbors? Saying "kids are loud when they play outside" should not mean a blanket invitation to screech like air raid sirens all day long (as someone pointed out, how will anyone notice if someone actually gets hurt, since they scream constantly in normal play?). Maybe if you ever had to live next door to such inconsiderate people (obviously enabled by their selfish, rude father), you might understand the issue.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:05 PM
 
9,198 posts, read 21,155,718 times
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This article speaks to this issue somewhat, both in terms of kids and their parents:

Today's tykes: Secure kids or rudest in history? - Kids and parenting- msnbc.com

Some excerpts:

Many experts say today’s kids are ruder than ever. And it may have something to do with popular parenting movements focusing on self-esteem and the generation that’s embracing them

Yet, their kids are, well, rude. It may be that today’s parents are so fixated on their children's emotional well-being that they’re teaching them that the well-being of others is comparatively unimportant

“I see parents ferociously advocating for their children, responding with hostility to anyone they perceive as getting in the child's way — from a person whose dog snuffles inquiringly at a baby in a carriage, to a teacher or coach whom they perceive is slighting their child, to a poor, hapless doctor who cannot cure the common cold,” says Gordon. “There is a feeling that anything interfering with their kid's homeostasis, as they see it, is an inappropriate behavior to be fended off sharply.”

Such defensiveness represents a radical departure from Gen X’s parental forebears, who, experts say, were more concerned about their children’s behavior toward others, rather than the other way around. But it also may highlight what makes many of today's parents tick, as a group — specifically, how they themselves grew up.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,323 posts, read 18,660,193 times
Reputation: 11064
Quote:
Originally Posted by CHTransplant View Post
This article speaks to this issue somewhat, both in terms of kids and their parents:

“I see parents ferociously advocating for their children, responding with hostility to anyone they perceive as getting in the child's way — from a person whose dog snuffles inquiringly at a baby in a carriage, to a teacher or coach whom they perceive is slighting their child [/i]
Yes, definitely a case of "My Child Hung the Moon" syndrome by the neighbor father in this case. I'm sorry his girls are going to grow up so self-centerd and lacking of consideration for those around them, but that's not exactly a new thing with many of this generation.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:21 PM
 
1,225 posts, read 3,617,916 times
Reputation: 1029
My girls are screamers. Loud, shrill screamers (especially when they fight). Do they scream outside? Yes, nearly every time they are outside together. I let them do what they are doing to a point. When it gets out of hand they either both come inside or the instigator gets time out or comes inside. I know their behaviors well so I try to keep them inside when I know the next door neighbors are eating dinner outside so as to allow them to have a peaceful dinner. They have to have some boundaries and show respect for those around them.

If your neighbor's children are truly top of their lungs screaming outside for hours on end then I can see that would grate on your nerves, but shrieking, occasional screams and generally being loud is to be expected of children playing outside. I don't think it was wrong of you to bring it up to the neighbor if it bothers you that much and I do believe he handled it incorrectly being overly sensitive to your comments without looking at it from your perspective. I hope you find some resolution to this situation soon.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
11,791 posts, read 27,440,956 times
Reputation: 8114
A few years ago...my teenage son and his friends were playing basketball on our driveway at 4PM in the afternoon.

The guy across the street from us was the owner of a Daylight Donuts. He slept during the day because he had to get up at 4AM to make the donuts!

The guy came outside on his driveway and began SCREAMING at the boys to stop playing basketball because he was trying to sleep and he could hear the ball bouncing on the concrete! When they ignored him, instead of speaking to me, he called the police.

You can imagine my surprise when a police car rolled up in my driveway!

The policeman told me that it was perfectly fine for the boys to play basketball IN MY DRIVEWAY at 4PM and he would explain this to the neighbor!

So...kids playing outside in the middle of the day...acceptable.

Vicki
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:39 PM
 
836 posts, read 3,094,136 times
Reputation: 427
I don't think playing outside is what the OP had a problem with. In fact, he said that other direct neighbor kids played outside and did not cause a problem. It was the constant top of the lungs screaming. Such is not necessary to play outside.
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:30 PM
 
1,229 posts, read 1,469,640 times
Reputation: 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiR View Post
A few years ago...my teenage son and his friends were playing basketball on our driveway at 4PM in the afternoon.

The guy across the street from us was the owner of a Daylight Donuts. He slept during the day because he had to get up at 4AM to make the donuts!

The guy came outside on his driveway and began SCREAMING at the boys to stop playing basketball because he was trying to sleep and he could hear the ball bouncing on the concrete! When they ignored him, instead of speaking to me, he called the police.

You can imagine my surprise when a police car rolled up in my driveway!

The policeman told me that it was perfectly fine for the boys to play basketball IN MY DRIVEWAY at 4PM and he would explain this to the neighbor!

So...kids playing outside in the middle of the day...acceptable.

Vicki
Let me try to reference the noise for you. On the other side of my house from the screamers the boy plays basketball on their driveway. When we have the windows shut in our house I cannot hear the ball bounce at all. That being said, when the screams come I can CLEARLY hear them to the point where I now know by the tone which of the 4 girls was doing it. That is how loud they are.

Also, our neighborhood has 1/2 acre lots and the homes are $300K and up. This is not a jammed-in subdivision. We're spaced out fairly well.
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Mebane
130 posts, read 350,165 times
Reputation: 71
Have you considered the joys of beekeeping as a hobby?
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