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Old 05-10-2009, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,819 posts, read 39,375,570 times
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I was never, ever, ever, ever, ever banished when my parents were socializing with friends, relatives, and acquaintances. I grew up in the country without neighbors, so no neighborhood playmates, and I was an only child for a while, and as such, I tended to hang with the adults more while the other kids (eventual siblings and cousins and the like) would go off to play amongst themselves. I just preferred to be around the grown-ups. I simply can't imagine a childhood where I was ever sent away or made to feel like I wasn't wanted or was a pest. I wasn't intrusive or anything, mostly, I was the little girl at the table coloring while mom and auntie whomever had coffee and chatted. Not one of those kids who butts in with "cute" comments that aren't cute. I was raised to be very, very polite. As I got older, I may have participated as appropriate. By the time I got older, I was generally off doing my own thing, however. But I still had a propensity for hanging with the adults, even as a young teen. My mom had a circle of friends who all had kids around my age by the time I was a teen, and we all got together fairly often for game nights and the like. What can I say, a bunch of cool moms that we as teens actuall WANTED to hang out with.

I have no doubt that being in with the adults throughout my early childhood was a huge factor in my talking very early, and being verbally ahead of my peers for most of my childhood. I also always liked to hang out with OTHER kids who hung out with their parents. I spent a lot of my preteen years feeling like I had to dumb down my conversation around most kids my age, except for the other kids like me, who typically got a lot of adult face time, and it showed in how we talked.
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Old 05-10-2009, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,118,386 times
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I was raised that children did not participate in adult conversations. We were to be polite and then disappear. My kids have been raised differently. They have been allowed to stay and participate to some extent. They have been told however that at some point, adult friends want to have conversations together without children just as they would not want me sitting in for great lengths of time when they are conversing with their friends. We have easily told my kids after some general, polite chit-chat, that it was "grown-up time" and they were to find something else to occupy themselves. My kids are fortunate to be comfortable speaking with people of all ages and hold their own in many different types of conversations. They also understand however, that there is a time and place for everything and they are not automatically welcome in every adult conversation.
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Old 05-11-2009, 12:32 AM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
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I have a friend that tells her child, "I don't bother you when your friends are here...I expect the same from you." Basically go away and leave us alone.
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:30 AM
 
Location: cape girardeau
893 posts, read 1,353,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
I have a friend that tells her child, "I don't bother you when your friends are here...I expect the same from you." Basically go away and leave us alone.
Precisely!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:51 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,720,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin View Post
I agree with this. That said, if one of the kids is chiming in a lot on a conversation that has nothing to do with them (and usually it's something that they have no clue what they're even talking about), I usually suggest that they find something else to do. Not that they have to be out of sight or earshot, but random and unrelated comments are not encouraged.
Yes-I agree with this. If we are talking about politics and my 15 year old son butts in with random comments I will tell him to leave us alone so we can continue our conversation. But if he would like to participate in the actual conversation I will certainly allow him to do so as long as his commentary is respectful and related. How else will he learn how to converse with people of all ages?

I am actually astounded that it would be considered a problem. I understand if adults are having a conversation that is personal in nature that they would not want kids involved, but for general conversation we always include the kids and so do most of our friends.
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:52 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,720,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
I have a friend that tells her child, "I don't bother you when your friends are here...I expect the same from you." Basically go away and leave us alone.
Do you find that appropriate? I don't.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:17 AM
 
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I don't mind if there are kids around when I'm with adult friends, but I don't like it when they interrupt or get 'needy' when there are adult conversations. If the kids contribute to a conversation (or are politely quiet), that's great. What drives me nuts is when parents not only include their kids but encourage them to interrupt or egg them on to show how 'cute' they are. All kids are cute....but mostly only to their parents.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Romeoville, IL
1,238 posts, read 2,181,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bande1102 View Post
Just curious, do you allow your kids to participate in conversations between you and another adult? Lately, I've noticed that several of my friends will be discussing something with me and their child (older than baby/toddler/preschooler) will be right there, hanging on every word. This really annoys me to no end b/c I feel like I have to censor everything I say.

My kids have always been taught that when adults first arrive, they are to greet them, make small talk and then scram. They'll usually come back to say goodbyes when company leaves. This is the way I was raised, too.
I don't let my kids in on my adult conversations, or my wife either. I usually make them hide in the back room until the visitors are gone, and then I untie them.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:20 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,967,794 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I do not expect my kids to disappear. They are part of the family and are encouraged to participate in conversations with adults and other kids. If we are having a conversation that is particularly adult I will ask them to leave the room so we can talk privately. But unless I ask them to leave they are not required to do so. I usually say something like "We would like to have a private conversation. Can you please go upstairs (or outside) to play so we can continue?"

I don't understand why kids would be excluded from a conversation with an adult unless the subject matter was not appropriate for them.
The thing I hate is when the adults gossip in front of their children, swear excessively around or to them, or have conversations/fights with them around/awake that kids don't need to hear. Children do not need to hear about finacial issues, marital issues, issues with them (until solution is discussed and sat down with the child to lay it down.), or gossip about people, especially other family members.

My mother does not want to hear anything from a kid and I'm afraid of what she'll eventually say/do to my kids because I allow them to ask a million questions and to correct those when they know they are wrong, even adults. Mostly, if my kids are sitting nearby when I'm speaking with someone and they will hear a new word and repeat it, meaning that they are looking for a definition. I remember when I was a kid, if I had done this when my mother was talking, I would have been slapped for it. But it increases their vocabulary and does no harm so to me, I don't see anything wrong with it. Even when other kids are over or over where there are other kids, my kids sometimes just get bored with the play and want to sit on my lap or next to me.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:31 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,720,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
The thing I hate is when the adults gossip in front of their children, swear excessively around or to them, or have conversations/fights with them around/awake that kids don't need to hear. Children do not need to hear about finacial issues, marital issues, issues with them (until solution is discussed and sat down with the child to lay it down.), or gossip about people, especially other family members.

My mother does not want to hear anything from a kid and I'm afraid of what she'll eventually say/do to my kids because I allow them to ask a million questions and to correct those when they know they are wrong, even adults. Mostly, if my kids are sitting nearby when I'm speaking with someone and they will hear a new word and repeat it, meaning that they are looking for a definition. I remember when I was a kid, if I had done this when my mother was talking, I would have been slapped for it. But it increases their vocabulary and does no harm so to me, I don't see anything wrong with it. Even when other kids are over or over where there are other kids, my kids sometimes just get bored with the play and want to sit on my lap or next to me.
I agree that gossip, or conversations about what to do about a family situation should occur away from little ears.

I could not ever slap my child for asking me a question. I might give one the evil eye if they interrupt rudely, or with a random unrelated comment but I think it is the job of parents to teach their children to have intelligent conversations. Sometimes they need an example of an intelligent conversation to know about them.

Enjoy your little ones sitting on your lap. I don't encourage my teenaged boys to sit on my lap (LOL) and my 10 year old weighs around 90 lb so he is pretty heavy.

I am glad that my kids enjoy when we have friends at the house and that they enjoy my company and the company of my friends. I think that had I encouraged them to always "go away" when they were small they would not be so open with me now. Parents need to think about the message they send their children. Those 5 year olds who are so eager to tell you everything may not even want to say hello to you when they are 15 if you spend 10 years telling them that they should go away when adults are around.

That's not to say that I think parents can NEVER have a private conversation, just that they should think about whether that conversation really needs to be private. It's ok to tell kids you want to have a private conversation. They will respect it if they are also given a chance to participate in adult converstaions at times. I have never had my kids give me lip if I ask them to allow a private conversation.
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