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Old 05-11-2009, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,164 posts, read 22,173,148 times
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What Julia said.....
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Texas
876 posts, read 1,418,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belinda_Cooperstone1 View Post
I came here to post about my DD13 being on in school suspension and saw another post.

Anyway, I have always taught my girls to not fight, walk away, find a teacher or older student to help them. That there are better ways to handle people than with your fists, UNLESS you feel that you are in immediate danger and you feel you have to defend yourself. Up until today, both my girls have never had a fight at school, they have had disagreements with another student but have been able to walk away. I have told my girls that if they do get into a fight for what ever reason they have to be willing to take the consequence that the school may hand out.

So today this girl got in my DD face and started an argument. This girl has been on my DD since the start of school, we thought since the last time it was all settled. But today this girl starts pushing DD and kicks her, slaps her and such, all the while my DD is walking downstairs towards the office "Leading" the other girl. But as they were a few doors away from the office this other girl grabs DD's hair slaps DD's face and the spits in her face. So at this point my DD had enough and faught back. And who walks out of the office but the principle! Caught my DD wailing on this other girl.

She split them up, talked to some people who witnessed it, including a teacher who was at the other end of the hall walking towards them on her way to "break it up" My DD got two days in school suspension and the other girl got 3 days out of school suspension.

So I do not know how to feel or to deal with this one. I can not get mad at my DD for defending herself when she felt she had no other choice. It is the first time she has ever been suspended and in a fight. But I do not want to leave it without saying anything. I have no idea what to say as I don't blame her. The principal talked to me and explained what happened and she said that even though DD did not start the fight and did try to go to the office for help, she can't go unpunished for her part in it. Which I can understand as I have always said they need to accept the consequence for their actions. But I am torn here
press charges on the girl that did this. the school probably has this on tape.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:50 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,063,554 times
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I must have misunderstood ... your daughter is being suspended at school? She has to sit all day in the office? How is she supposed to learn and get her work done?
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:55 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,917 posts, read 13,880,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by booker_one View Post
press charges on the girl that did this. the school probably has this on tape.
I'd be all over that. An *ss whooping, suspension and a nice little record to follow her around would be nice. Here, they'd throw her in a school for heathens where she can practice her tough guy act on someone who will show her who the tough guy is.

I'd also make sure my daughter knows that the second time should not be like the first. One form of contact is the green light to put her down. Sounds violent, but these kids don't like getting in trouble and they will likely make the other pay.

I would then be in the office, calm and composed, telling the principal that I have given my daughter permission to beat the girl until she is no longer able to lift a finger to hurt her. If they aren't going to do anything about it, she has to.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
48 posts, read 120,434 times
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If my daughter defended herself & then was told she had to sit in the office all day, I would call the school & tell them my child will spend the time at home. If they demand a day in the office, I would call a lawyer. I would also press charges on the other girl.
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Old 05-11-2009, 08:57 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,584,195 times
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I told mine...several years ago (after an incident with the youngest), do it right the first time and then you will only have to do it once. BUT it better not be your fault. If I have proof it is then WE will be having words. Otherwise you can stay home for that suspension period and eat ice cream. I really really hate bullying and after the last time I got pissed off enough to write the school a letter starting from the superintendent and going to the school board on down the list... it STOPPED. And it didn't hurt that the last time my youngest was bullied... for a year before she finally did something, she round housed the little turd and dislocated his JAW. It only took 1 kick and everyone in school knew not to mess with her. Worked real well for me.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,661,292 times
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First support your daughter. Irrespective of whether she was right or wrong. She feels victimised and to that end, she needs to know that you love her and support her.

On the bullying thing. I think that you should report incidents of bullying in writing to the office. That way when your daughter fights back, there is a paper trail that supports her.

On the punishment thing. Have that argument with the school but not with your daughter present.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,164 posts, read 22,173,148 times
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The school is just following through with it's policies. It often times, cannot determine who started what etc etc. If they had to determine who started each and every fight/argument, there would be no teaching or learning going on. So the easy answer is, both parties get suspended. Otherwise, the administration would be mired down in teenaged drama every day and be accused of favoritism toward the students they know more than likely did not start the fight. They are between a rock and a hard place. I really wouldn't worry about the suspension so much. The administration more than likely does know who the troublemaker is but it's hands are tied. Your DD does deserve to protect herself and the school should be able to give her "alternatives" (hah). I would indeed ask them what they intended to do about the bullying and keep records of everything that has happened and their response. Let them know you are doing this. And I would certainly tell DD she was within her rights to protect herself, suspension or not.
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Old 05-11-2009, 11:07 PM
 
2,542 posts, read 5,832,461 times
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I don't have time to read the posts, so I hope this is still appropriate.

It's not fair and not particularly right, but still a useful learning situation for your daughter. She knows to walk away, she knows that she can fight back if needed, and now she knows that there are consequences even when you are in the right. Throughout life she will need to make that assessment--do I do what I think is right, even though there might be consequences? Sometimes it is worth it, sometimes (like this time probably) it isn't.

Another important lesson she is learning: hold your head high and take it without complaint--people will respect you more for it.

I hope it goes well for her.
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Old 05-11-2009, 11:35 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
1,289 posts, read 2,329,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I must have misunderstood ... your daughter is being suspended at school? She has to sit all day in the office? How is she supposed to learn and get her work done?
Usually in in-school suspension they make you sit there and do any back-work you haven't done, and once you're all caught up on school work, they have you start going ahead and working on schoolwork that hasn't been assigned yet if they can. It's not like they make you sit there staring at a wall for a few hours, twiddling your thumbs.

Having to sit all day in the office is crap though. Most schools around here have a room for in-school suspensions and detentions or use an empty classroom, usually with a teacher on watch to make sure the students are doing schoolwork and not writing notes or something.

I'm not sure how it works at the OP's daughter's school, but I would imagine they won't make her stare at a wall.
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