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Old 05-11-2009, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,137,409 times
Reputation: 444

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I came here to post about my DD13 being on in school suspension and saw another post.

Anyway, I have always taught my girls to not fight, walk away, find a teacher or older student to help them. That there are better ways to handle people than with your fists, UNLESS you feel that you are in immediate danger and you feel you have to defend yourself. Up until today, both my girls have never had a fight at school, they have had disagreements with another student but have been able to walk away. I have told my girls that if they do get into a fight for what ever reason they have to be willing to take the consequence that the school may hand out.

So today this girl got in my DD face and started an argument. This girl has been on my DD since the start of school, we thought since the last time it was all settled. But today this girl starts pushing DD and kicks her, slaps her and such, all the while my DD is walking downstairs towards the office "Leading" the other girl. But as they were a few doors away from the office this other girl grabs DD's hair slaps DD's face and the spits in her face. So at this point my DD had enough and faught back. And who walks out of the office but the principle! Caught my DD wailing on this other girl.

She split them up, talked to some people who witnessed it, including a teacher who was at the other end of the hall walking towards them on her way to "break it up" My DD got two days in school suspension and the other girl got 3 days out of school suspension.

So I do not know how to feel or to deal with this one. I can not get mad at my DD for defending herself when she felt she had no other choice. It is the first time she has ever been suspended and in a fight. But I do not want to leave it without saying anything. I have no idea what to say as I don't blame her. The principal talked to me and explained what happened and she said that even though DD did not start the fight and did try to go to the office for help, she can't go unpunished for her part in it. Which I can understand as I have always said they need to accept the consequence for their actions. But I am torn here

Last edited by Belinda_Cooperstone1; 05-11-2009 at 03:52 PM..
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:27 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,012,832 times
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I think the school just has to stick by its policies of no fighting. If those are the rules, those are the rules. I wouldn't give the school any guff about it, but I wouldn't punish my daughter at all. Suspension in itself is not that big a deal, so your daughter can just do her schoolwork at home.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:28 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,735,299 times
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I would ask the principal what your DD is supposed to do when someone physically assaults her. Make the principal tell you exactly what your DD could have to done to avoid her "part" in it. If the school is still insistent I would let your DD serve the ISS but I would tell her privately that you are ok with her defending herself when someone else starts with her. I would not punish her further.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:33 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,735,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belinda_Cooperstone1 View Post
The principal talked to me and explained what happened and she said that even though DD did not start the fight and did try to go to the office for help, she can't go unpunished for her part in it. Which I can understand as I have always said they need to accept the consequence for their actions. But I am torn here
I know I already answered but I re-read your post and this whole situation really has me pissed off. Why can't your DD go unpunished?

1. She was assaulted.
2. She tried to go to the office for help.

What exactly did she do that requires punishment? Schools put in policies that make no sense. As a parent you do NOT have to accept that (or at least you can let them know their policy is stupid).

When people talk about "zero tolerance for fighting" it sound great right? After all, who is in favor of middle school kids fighting? Nobody right? But zero tolerance policies do not allow for students who fight to defend themselves. Well that's ridiculous.

I don't have a whole lot of advice. I just wanted to let you know that this situation pissed me off.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:37 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,012,832 times
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While I would not pressure the school to revoke my daughter's suspension, you can bet I WOULD be in that principal's office to find out exactly how my daughter would be protected from physical bullying from that girl in the future. Pushing, kicking, repeated slaps, yanking hair, spitting in her face ... that level of violence is probably not going to be deterred by a couple of days out of school, unfortunately. That girl is probably being sent home to parents who either don't punish her or do the same thing to her.

I would let the principal know that if such an incident happens again, the police will be involved--that is, if I didn't call them about this one.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,137,409 times
Reputation: 444
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I think the school just has to stick by its policies of no fighting. If those are the rules, those are the rules. I wouldn't give the school any guff about it, but I wouldn't punish my daughter at all. Suspension in itself is not that big a deal, so your daughter can just do her schoolwork at home.
I was not planning on giving the school any guff. I simply wanted to know how to I react to this. I don't want to punish her, and won't but I feel I need to say something, like let her know she did what she felt she had to? or that I am not mad at her for defending herself? or what?
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:41 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,443,352 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
While I would not pressure the school to revoke my daughter's suspension, you can bet I WOULD be in that principal's office to find out exactly how my daughter would be protected from physical bullying from that girl in the future. Pushing, kicking, repeated slaps, yanking hair, spitting in her face ... that level of violence is probably not going to be deterred by a couple of days out of school, unfortunately. ....
I agree. I would ask them for a specific example of how she should handle the situation in the future and how they specifically plan on reducing the behavior.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:44 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,012,832 times
Reputation: 42372
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belinda_Cooperstone1 View Post
I was not planning on giving the school any guff. I simply wanted to know how to I react to this. I don't want to punish her, and won't but I feel I need to say something, like let her know she did what she felt she had to? or that I am not mad at her for defending herself? or what?
Frankly, I'd probably take my daughter out for ice cream and let her know I wasn't mad at her, and we'd do a little something on the days I had to stay home with her. Your daughter must be so upset (some kids react to attacks with anger or fear or both, but none of those things feel good!) and she might be hurt that the adults at her school aren't sticking up for her. They are, after all, punishing her. I'd make sure she knows that they have to abide by their rules but nobody is mad at her. I wouldn't be at all mad at my daughter for defending herself, and I'd make sure to tell her several times.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:50 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,580,895 times
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I, to, feel my child has the right to defend themselves. I have expressly told them so. Not only defend themselves but if someone has been giving you grief (such as the above stated problem) and they start the fight by throwing the first punch/slap/shove ect, then you throughly whip them at the time, then you won't have to have a repeat performance in the near future.

I also would want to know what she is supposed to do next time to NOT get in trouble. Does she just let them beat her ass? Or walk to the office during said beating? That is just stupid. I would also let it be known if it happens again they would be held personally responsible for her medical bills, councelling bills, and attorney's fees. Then I would proceed to take her and run it up and then sue them and present my case at the school board meeting. With my lawyer.

Last edited by okpondlady; 05-11-2009 at 02:55 PM.. Reason: Further thoughts...... probably more still to come since this is a very tender nerve with me.
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,137,409 times
Reputation: 444
Julia and Mommabear, I did not see your posts when I did my reply. I do feel the same as you two, I am mad and upset at the school, but I also know how they work there and being the only school in town, my options are limited. The principal did say she would send home a anti-bullying info package LMAO, So I will see what it has to say, highlight what I need to and make an appointment to see her. I just don't want my DD to think I don't care that she got into a fight, cause I do, I am also upset she even HAD to.

I would like to have a sit down with her.
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