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Old 05-13-2009, 04:45 PM
 
1,121 posts, read 3,101,428 times
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Well, if you think I am annoying, does that mean you dont want me to drive you to school anymore?
Maybe you should walk.
Well, if you think I am annoying, does that mean you don't want me to come to your (activity) anymore? Maybe you should just tell your mother and I all about it when you get home.
Oh, how are you going to get home?
I think your computer is annoying so we are going to give it away to someone else, because I don't want to be annoyed either.
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Old 05-13-2009, 04:46 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,453,647 times
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what will hurt him is his own lack of respect. seems cute when they are little.
later it will make you a failure.
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Old 05-14-2009, 01:10 AM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,729,979 times
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If the tone of his voice was calm, I wouldn't worry about it. Parents annoy kids sometimes, kids annoy parents sometimes, nobody gets along perfectly with everyone all the time. It's a sign that he feels safe with you that he can openly and freely communicate his feelings with you. That's a good thing!

But if he said it in a sarcastic or mean way, or in a way where you feel like he did it just to get a rise out of you or a reaction from you - prolly the best thing to do would be to either ignore it, or to tell him that that tone of voice is not appropriate, and you'll listen to him express his feelings when he can talk in his normal voice again.

Kids absolutely need their boundaries... and they need their parents to constantly reinforce those boundaries. They will push you to see whether you're still holding up your end of the deal - and to see how far they can go - because they know that as they grow, their boundaries also grow. They have to make sure they know where those "fences" are, to see how far they can roam. This boundary dance helps them feel secure. It only takes a small breach or mistake of the parent - such as "giving in" - to really mess up the whole dance. You really have to be consistent from day one.
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Old 05-14-2009, 01:43 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,051,793 times
Reputation: 6659
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoosier View Post
We've been having quite a few discipline sessions with our six year old son. Today when I was dropping him off at kindergarten we were talking and I was commenting about something and he said, "dad, you're annoying." I was shocked! I told him that was very rude of him to say. His reply? "Well you are annoying me".

That is only the latest in his repetoire of behavior problems. My wife and I are at a complete loss as our oldest daughter was never like this. We don't know how to deal with this behavior problem. We've been working diligently to nip this in the bud now but it doesn't seem to be working. Some people have said this is completely normal for a kid, but even if it's normal, it's still inappropriate behavior.

Any suggestions on how to handle his behavior? Outlets? I'm just unsure.

signed,
annoying dad
My daughter has said similar things like that too me. As long as she is not defying what I am telling her to do, I don't get to upset about it. I will say something like "and I will continue to be annoying as long as your behaving this way".

I can tell you that I am sure that at times I am annoying, she would be telling the truth but you have to remind them its your right to be annoying since your the parent.
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:26 AM
pll
 
1,042 posts, read 2,093,280 times
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I heard all the time about how annoying I was for most of my kids teen years. Now, she's older and she tells me how 'wise' I am and actually comes to me for advice. Funny how things change over time.

He probably had some classmate tell him he was annoying and wanted to try using the new word on you. This is how our kids pick up a lot of their behavior.
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,829,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post

So, you have those who are Thinkers first and foremost the majority of the time. This means they make decisions after thinking and have feelings about it later, or they have feelings after thinking about it and then make a decision.

Then we have those who are Deciders first. They make decisions without thinking first and without having feelings about it. Those come next in either order.

Last we have Feelers who have their emotions before they think or make decisions.

Thinkers naturally get frustrated with those who think last.
Deciders naturally get frustrated with those who make decisions last.
Feelers naturally get frustrated with those who have emotions last.
Until they understand each other better.

Deciders don't like it when people can't make snap decisions, while feelers often consider others 'cold' and thinkers can't believe people jump to conclusions. It's all in the matter of the path they take.

Most kids begin life as Feelers and learn how to think and how to make decisions. It's up to us as parents to guide them in a way that helps them to become socially acceptable and yet still be true to who they are.

Where would the world be without the great 'Feelers' such as composers, musicians, artists, actors, and motivational speakers including clergy?
Hypocore, I meant to respond to you yesterday as I truly appreciate your post. You make some very good observations and points.

We need thinkers, deciders and feelers as each has something to offer. Each of those qualities can be a strength. However, it is important to remember that every strength is also a weakness. Thinkers may have a tendency to over think and underact. Deciders may be more likely to suffer unexpected consequences due to not considering multiple facets of the situation. Feelers, I have to admit that I understand them the least. Emotions without reason are generally unreliable as a base upon which to draw conclusions or determine a course of action. In the extreme, the strength can be paralyzed and rendered useless by the weakness that accompanies it.

Many studies have been done to determine why those with great creative talent, the great 'feelers' (artists, poets, composers and the like) are more likely to suffer from mental illness. Many of the historical great feelers, if here today, would be diagnosed with bi-polar disorder (or some other) and medicated. Many were thought/known to be 'mad' in their own time or suffered from depression and addictions. Some studies have shown an increase in creativity when such gifted people are diagnosed and treated. It goes to show that even a great gift can be at the same time be a great weakness.

Discounting mental illness which is beyond one's control, recognizing one's strength as a thinker, decider or feeler should also give great insight into managing it as a weakness.

I'm not a fan of 'understanding each other' seminar thinking because it takes responsibility away from us, as individuals, to find a presentable balance and instead puts the responsibility on others to learn to live with us. Yes, we should understand each other but we should first understand ourselves and how we are perceived and how our own strengths work against us.

Wouldn't our own strengths be increased and even more useful if we learned to understand and manage them in a way that would minimize the weakness as well? This applies to thinkers, deciders and feelers alike. When we find the balance, when a thinker learns to put his thoughts into actions, when a decider learns to evaluate options and pick the best one instead of any one, when a feeler learns to puts emotions into proper context, the strength of our natural gift is increased while the weakness is minimized. Somehow people are more willing to see this process as workable with thinkers and deciders but when it comes to emotions it is somehow off limits, as if emotions are more sacred or more pure or more natural than the other facets when in fact all natural and all are needed in each one of us to provide balance and stability.
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,829,798 times
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Hoosier, it sounds like you hit this one out of the park. Well done.
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,829,798 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou View Post
You can keep saying "of course" but that doesn't make it right. You can say "absurdity" but that does not make you right. Every emotion one feels is a true emotion (and valid as others have posted here) and appropriate unto them - maybe not to the situation but appropriate to the person and to say differently is to insult humanity but even worse - not to understand. So continue to repeat what you've already attempted to state without success ad infinitum. I've said my peace and rest my case and my reps validate my "emotions"
I've heard some people like to play 'mine's bigger than yours' games but I wasn't aware that the game extended to rep points on this forum.
I'm glad you feel good about your rep points, truly...whatever makes you happy. Personally, I'd rather not tie my emotional well being or surety to something that can be erased by a program glitch.
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Old 05-14-2009, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 5,870,563 times
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Aww you gotta stop taking yourself and things so seriously and recognize joking! Have a laugh! It's a great emotional reaction.
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Old 05-14-2009, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,829,798 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou View Post
Aww you gotta stop taking yourself and things so seriously and recognize joking! Have a laugh! It's a great emotional reaction.
Granted, I'm fairly non-emotional and I'm married to an engineer (NOT a lot of wild emotional tangents going on around here, lol) but I do know how to laugh and have a good time. Maybe it's not on the same scale as for some others but it's there.

Here you go, a joke I read the other day that made me lol, just to prove I have a sense of humor.

Quote:
(Humor in Uniform, Reader's Digest)

Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from. "Trinidad," I said. "Is that in Arabia?" "The Caribbean." She laughed, "I never was any good at geometry."
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