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Old 05-13-2009, 09:51 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,748,410 times
Reputation: 12051

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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Sure it is - she doesn't care for that type of clothing. She explained it in the OP. It is not what she cares for her children to be wearing in public. Maybe she doesn't like the character or perhaps she just thinks those things look trashy. Either way, it is her choice on how her kids dress for school. We all have our feelings about what is or isn't appropriate for our kids to wear to school. That is the OP's. That's the only reason that is needed since she is the parent.
Not caring for that type of clothing is a result of some specfic objection. I would like the specific objection. I already know the result.

I am not suggesting it isn't her choice. What I am asking is the reasoning behind the choice.
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,846,080 times
Reputation: 1905
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I think (after a night's sleep!) that I am more upset that my mom said "she knew I wouldn't like it,but got it anyway".... it was just that intent that kind of got to me.
First of all you have to look at the dynamics of your relationship with your mom. Is this a common occurrence or does she do this all the time? If it is the former then you should just be able to ask her straight up why she bought it. If the latter then just get used to it or limit contact with her.
I don't know you so I am just going to say this as a possibility so don't take it personally. Maybe she thinks you are tightly wound and wants you to loosen up a little. Maybe she wants to help you do that because she loves you. JMHO.
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,149 posts, read 22,152,810 times
Reputation: 35614
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Not caring for that type of clothing is a result of some specfic objection. I would like the specific objection. I already know the result.

I am not suggesting it isn't her choice. What I am asking is the reasoning behind the choice.
Why? What difference does it make. It's her choice. She didn't come on asking for anyone's opinion of her choice in clothing, just how to react to a difficult situation. I guess I am missing the point...

My concern is more that her mom doesn't see any problem usurping her daughter's parental role. I feel that's very disrespectful of her mom. Maybe her mom doesn't see it that way which is why a private discussion is in order. The DD didn't really care about HM or having a shirt. If the g-ma knew that the DD really really wanted the shirt that her mom wouldn't allow, then g-ma should have had a private conversation with the mom about the situation and why it was important for the DD. That wasn't the case at all though. Parents do get to make decisions like this. You can agree or not agree but ultimately, it is their choice. Letting a child know that g-ma (or whomever) is willing to overrule the parents and then the parents are willing to fold on the rules as a result, sets the wrong precedent for the years ahead.
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,903,683 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Why? What difference does it make. It's her choice. She didn't come on asking for anyone's opinion of her choice in clothing, just how to react to a difficult situation. I guess I am missing the point...

My concern is more that her mom doesn't see any problem usurping her daughter's parental role. I feel that's very disrespectful of her mom. Maybe her mom doesn't see it that way which is why a private discussion is in order. The DD didn't really care about HM or having a shirt. If the g-ma knew that the DD really really wanted the shirt that her mom wouldn't allow, then g-ma should have had a private conversation with the mom about the situation and why it was important for the DD. That wasn't the case at all though. Parents do get to make decisions like this. You can agree or not agree but ultimately, it is their choice. Letting a child know that g-ma (or whomever) is willing to overrule the parents and then the parents are willing to fold on the rules as a result, sets the wrong precedent for the years ahead.
OH my! EXACTLY ,you are 100% correct....
It is my decision as to what I feel is okay for my children to wear or not to wear. I really have no objection to the character "herself", my kids watch "trendy" things on tv.... just not HM or some of the other shows. I did mention that she seems to really like "Wizards of Waverly Place"... I don't refuse to allow her to watch it.
I personally do not care for that type of clothing-at all. I never have,even growing up. I just think that it looks quite honestly;cheap and trashy...
I really just felt as though it was not very respectful on my mother's behalf to first admit that she knew I wouldn't like it and then second;actually buys it!
My mom & I are close,she has never really done anything like this before. Of course,as mothers & daughters typically do sometimes, we have had our differences. I would NEVER allow anything to really come between us and certainly not something like this.
I just felt my mom was out of line in admitting that she bought it knowing I wouldn't like it.
Again,as Maciesmom stated,my daughter doesn't care for HM to begin with and if she did and I knew that she would really want to wear the shirt then so be it... I don't shelter my children and I pick my battles.. some things just aren't getting into an arguement about.
She knows what I feel is appropriate for school and what isn't and has not (yet at least) pushed it...

I appreciate that some can see it really isn't about the shirt,it is about the lack of respect that I felt my mom showed for me as the parent...
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Old 05-13-2009, 10:21 AM
 
158 posts, read 335,361 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Letting a child know that g-ma (or whomever) is willing to overrule the parents and then the parents are willing to fold on the rules as a result, sets the wrong precedent for the years ahead.
I think that is really what it's really all about- so now it's a stupid shirt but in 10 years maybe it will be alcohol, CD, movie, or something else that "mom won't like". I know that's an extreme but kids learn these things.
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Old 05-13-2009, 11:46 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,748,410 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Why? What difference does it make. It's her choice. She didn't come on asking for anyone's opinion of her choice in clothing, just how to react to a difficult situation. I guess I am missing the point...

My concern is more that her mom doesn't see any problem usurping her daughter's parental role. I feel that's very disrespectful of her mom. Maybe her mom doesn't see it that way which is why a private discussion is in order. The DD didn't really care about HM or having a shirt. If the g-ma knew that the DD really really wanted the shirt that her mom wouldn't allow, then g-ma should have had a private conversation with the mom about the situation and why it was important for the DD. That wasn't the case at all though. Parents do get to make decisions like this. You can agree or not agree but ultimately, it is their choice. Letting a child know that g-ma (or whomever) is willing to overrule the parents and then the parents are willing to fold on the rules as a result, sets the wrong precedent for the years ahead.
I was just curious. None of this makes any difference. Why does it upset you so much that I am curious?
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Old 05-13-2009, 11:48 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,748,410 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
She knows what I feel is appropriate for school and what isn't and has not (yet at least) pushed it...
Please tell me what is inappropriate about a HM shirt. I understand that you don't care for the shirt, but what would make it inappropriate for school? There is a difference between not liking something and it being inappropriate.
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:18 PM
 
2,005 posts, read 5,128,207 times
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It's not the shirt, it's the intent behind it. "it's about time you start wearing what the other kids wear".

We don't wear character outfits in our house. They can have it on their underwear or pj's, but that's it. I don't want to contribute to the bazillions of dollars that go to the HM industry. I can totally tell the kids who watch that Disney crap, and those who don't. It's the posturing, body language, over emphasis on image. I'm not into it, and I want to keep my daughter away from it as long as possible.

And I don't think the OP needs to defend why she doesn't want her child to wear it. The grandmother was wrong, period. My mother knows that we don't wear it, and she should not buy it. The mother needs to reiterate that to the grandmother in a gentle but direct way. Where's the rule that says all girls need to wear Hanna Montana? It's just silly.
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:21 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,470,520 times
Reputation: 1289
Inappropriate would be a bikini for a chubby girl, or a thong for a child, or something illicit on the front, or tobacco or drugs or liquor ads on a T.

For one thing, your mother gave your daughter a gift that is age appropriate and something many kids wear. So you don't like it, so what? You are not the one who would wear it. The bigger deal YOU make of it, the more your child will think badly of Grandma's giving and will not wear it because of that, not because she doesn't like it.

Put it in your daughter's drawer with her other T's and don't say another word about it. Don't put it on the bottom either, put it in like you would any other shirt. If your daughter doesn't like it, she won't wear it, but it should be her choice.

If your mother had given your young daughter a real gun or a butcher knife or something, I think it would warrant being upset, but a T shirt? C'mon. Grow up. She didn't diminish your position as a parent in any way, but you are by your ridiculous reaction.
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:34 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,748,410 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandycat View Post
And I don't think the OP needs to defend why she doesn't want her child to wear it.
I am not asking her to defend why she doesn't want her child to wear a HM shirt. I am asking her what is inappropriate about the shirt.

She keeps using the word inappropriate and to me that is quite different than just not liking it. I don't like yellow. It doesn't look good on me. don't wear yellow to a parent teacher conference because I don't like yellow. Yet yellow is not inappropriate. I just don't like it. If I wore a swimsuit to a parent teacher conference that would be inappropriate.
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