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Old 05-15-2009, 08:13 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12046

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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878 View Post
But she answered you twice!
She told me why she did not like it. Stating that something is inappropriate because she said so is hardly an answer as to WHY she considers it inappropriate.
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Old 05-15-2009, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,823,618 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
She told me why she did not like it. Stating that something is inappropriate because she said so is hardly an answer as to WHY she considers it inappropriate.
This sounds like a 4 year old in the back seat of the car....

"But why?..."

"But why?"

"But why?"

"But why?"

"But why?"



She said her kids don't wear character clothes because she doesn't like them. She doesn't want her kids to be caught up in the same stuff 'just because everyone else is wearing them'. She thinks they look cheap and trashy, especially for school. She doesn't want to buy clothes that represent the current pop culture fads and trends. Her DD isn't into Hannah Montana...she doesn't needs to have Hannah Montana plastered all over herself and her clothing.

ALL OF THOSE THINGS MAKE THE SHIRT INAPPROPRIATE FOR HER DD.

Apparently that is not enough 'reason' for her mother or for you.



In the words of my very wise (yet often impatient) mother......
"If you ask "But why?" one more time I'm going to pull this car over....."
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:03 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,194,930 times
Reputation: 45811
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Just looking for some honest opinions on a situation...

I will be very upfront here, I am somewhat of a "clothing snob" if you will.
(for my children...)
Now, I do not mean that my children only wear "high end" ,Ralph Lauren,Lily ,etc.... because they do not.
What I mean is that I like different things,I shop alot online in many of the wonderful online stores there are. I do not like Old Navy and usually don't like Gap ,only because everyone is wearing the same thing!
I just like different things,but cute... I do love Lands End,Matilda Jane.. just fun ,cute things for my girls.
What I do not like-at all,is the clothing with Hannah Montana all over it,or any other character or latest "pop icon". I can't stand it actually.
I am lucky that neither of my girls care about it-yet! I can still easily shop for their clothing without much of an arguement from them.
I realize times will change.

Here is the thing... my mother knows that I absolutely do not like the Hannah T-shirts ,etc.. and today is one of my daughter's bday... and what is one of the gifts that my mom buys her? yes-a Hannah Montana T-shirt... I was shocked when my daughter opened the gift but polite and said "oh,it is kind of cute" and my mom laughs and says " I knew you wouldn't like it,but it is time that she starts to wear what all the other kids are wearing !"
Since when does my child have to look like or go along with the crowd first of all?
I am really offended and feel that it shows a lack of respect for what I choose for my children.
I know that it truly is trivial,but I was (I guess I still am!) upset about it.
I feel like it completely doesn't validate me as the parent.

Any thoughts... I know.. I will be prepared for the wonderful responses such as "get over it",etc... but really, just wondering if anyone else would be bothered by it?
My wife had a similar frustration when our daughter was a pre-teen. It seemed as if all the children's clothing was designed to make little girls look like hookers-in-training. I mean do the people who design clothes for girls actually have girls?
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:06 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
This sounds like a 4 year old in the back seat of the car....

"But why?..."

"But why?"

"But why?"

"But why?"

"But why?"



She said her kids don't wear character clothes because she doesn't like them. She doesn't want her kids to be caught up in the same stuff 'just because everyone else is wearing them'. She thinks they look cheap and trashy, especially for school. She doesn't want to buy clothes that represent the current pop culture fads and trends. Her DD isn't into Hannah Montana...she doesn't needs to have Hannah Montana plastered all over herself and her clothing.

ALL OF THOSE THINGS MAKE THE SHIRT INAPPROPRIATE FOR HER DD.

Apparently that is not enough 'reason' for her mother or for you.



In the words of my very wise (yet often impatient) mother......
"If you ask "But why?" one more time I'm going to pull this car over....."
Are you kidding? If you don't like my posts don't read them. I think that words are very important. To me, saying you don't like something doesn't make it inappropriate. They are very different from one another. I am interested in the distinction.

I rarely tell other adults they are childish and I am not going to do so now but seriously, if you don't like my posts, ignore them.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 5,866,345 times
Reputation: 8560
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
Pity your mother took the position that she knew you would not like it but went ahead and did it.

I would go see her and tell her what for.

I would not take the shirt from the child. Make a big issue out of it and it will haunt you forever. The t shirt can quietly get lost sometime down the track if you really hate it. Unless of course it is offensive in which case I would not allow her to wear it and tell her why. Keep you mom out of it though. Family is important.
Unless this is an ongoing thing with your mom, let it be, and don't take it so personally - that would be the healthy way. However, if it's something she continues doing, you will need to address it in a decent way - respectfully, but firmly.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:10 AM
 
3,681 posts, read 5,379,713 times
Reputation: 1484
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
This sounds like a 4 year old in the back seat of the car....

"But why?..."

"But why?"

"But why?"

"But why?"

"But why?"



She said her kids don't wear character clothes because she doesn't like them. She doesn't want her kids to be caught up in the same stuff 'just because everyone else is wearing them'. She thinks they look cheap and trashy, especially for school. She doesn't want to buy clothes that represent the current pop culture fads and trends. Her DD isn't into Hannah Montana...she doesn't needs to have Hannah Montana plastered all over herself and her clothing.

ALL OF THOSE THINGS MAKE THE SHIRT INAPPROPRIATE FOR HER DD.

Apparently that is not enough 'reason' for her mother or for you.



In the words of my very wise (yet often impatient) mother......
"If you ask "But why?" one more time I'm going to pull this car over....."
LOL! I think you've got it! BTW, the whole thing AIN'T ABOUT THE SHIRT!" Could be a video, a food, etc. Doesn't matter. The issue is about the Grandmother deliberately butting heads with the Mother in front of the child. Grandma knew exactly what she was doing. Ahhhhhh...Family interactions are so much fun...better have a sense of humor and thick skin if you're part of one!
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,823,618 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I think that words are very important. To me, saying you don't like something doesn't make it inappropriate.
Yes, it does in this case. Whether or not the shirt is appropriate is subjective, OP gets to decide if it is inappropriate for whatever reason she wants. You don't get to decide if someone else's definition is correct...IT IS CORRECT FOR THEM.
Quote:
in⋅ap⋅pro⋅pri⋅ate-
not appropriate; not proper or suitable
Quote:
Subjective -
pertaining to or characteristic of an individual; personal; individual: a subjective evaluation.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:27 AM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,035,343 times
Reputation: 25076
I haven't read the whole thread, but I would accept the shirt, have my daughter write a thank-you note and stick the shirt in her drawer. If she wears it, ok, so what, it's a shirt. If she doesn't wear it, ok, so what, it's still a shirt.

At the end of the day, it's just a shirt and not worth getting po'd over. Expect more of this type of behavior from your mother in the future and just smile and carry on.

You should have seen some of the ugly clothes my grandmothers used to give/make me. We all survived it.
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:48 AM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,463,911 times
Reputation: 4430
I think after reading all this, that the obvious issue isn't the shirt at all, it's the words that were spoken of 'I knew you wouldn't like it'.
The grandmother could have given the granddaughter a solid black shirt and said 'I knew you wouldn't like it' because maybe the mother associates black with goth. Even with something as simple as a plain black shirt she still could have been upset that her mother bought something she KNEW she wouldn't like.

There's nothing truly inappropriate about a black shirt, as there isn't really about a character shirt, however it's a criteria that the parent chooses not to provide to her daughter and g'ma went against that criteria. It's as simple as that.

So the solution is for the mom to have a conversation with her mom in a non threatening way, without the daughter present, to explain why she makes the choices she makes regarding clothes and ask her to not to go against her wishes, no matter how the g'ma feels about it.

Maybe, just maybe had g'ma asked the mom beforehand if it would be ok to buy her granddaughter a character shirt now that she's of age that it's more common to fit in, the mom might have given it serious consideration instead of such a definitive adverse reaction.

Heaven knows we all change our minds about things we consider the right choices over time and change of circumstances, don't we? haha
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 5,866,345 times
Reputation: 8560
Quote:
Originally Posted by CMMom View Post
My MIL bought "Bratz" flip-flops for my 5-year old daughter. I said nothing and then promptly threw them in the trash can after she left to go back home (out of state). If she asks about them next time she's here, I'll probably say that my daughter took them to my Mom's house so that she'll have an extra pair of shoes there "just in case." Totally inappropriate, but why start a fight about it?
Sorry to interfere with what I am sure is usually your good sense. But you don't want to lie at the expense of your daughter. Might cause all kinds of problems if it ever comes up.
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