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Old 05-15-2009, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,831,821 times
Reputation: 3304

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou View Post
Come on Yank. That was very unkind and between the two of them. Why do you do this kind of thing? I see it a lot from you - your insults. I didn't get that at all from MommaBear's posts. Really, now, who is the immature one here?
Look, I'm just calling it like I see it. OP laid out in the first post what her objections are to the Hannah Montana shirt and she clarified in later posts as well. Still....

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Why so much emphasis on what a child wears or doesn't wear?
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What would be the big deal if she wore it to school? It's a shirt.
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That is not a specific objection.
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Not caring for that type of clothing is a result of some specfic objection. I would like the specific objection. I already know the result.

I am not suggesting it isn't her choice. What I am asking is the reasoning behind the choice.
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Please tell me what is inappropriate about a HM shirt.
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I understand that you don't care for the shirt, but what would make it inappropriate for school?
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I am not asking her to defend why she doesn't want her child to wear a HM shirt. I am asking her what is inappropriate about the shirt
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All I am asking is what is inappropriate about it. I have said about a million times that she does not need to "defend" herself.
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What I do not understand is what exactly is inappropriate about the shirt.
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All I wanted to know what WHAT made it inappropriate in her eyes. I am not asking her to defend her position, I just want to know WHAT makes it inappropriate?
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Stating that something is inappropriate because she said so is hardly an answer as to WHY she considers it inappropriate.
The question was answered multiple times and yet repeated ad infinitum. The intention was not to be insulting but perhaps Momma Bear was not aware of how much she had been repeating the question and yet ignoring the answer. It seemed obvious to everyone else.


It is also obvious that the mother gets to decide what is best for the child and if she says no to HM or other character wear then that should be good enough for her mother as well. It was very disrespectful of the mother to go against her wishes, but is probably best to set the shirt aside and not make a big deal of it if it is a one time occurrence.
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Old 05-15-2009, 01:38 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,019,169 times
Reputation: 42372
As this girl gets older, she will probably have birthday parties and receive presents from her friends at school. Some of those presents are probably going to be something the parent (or the child) doesn't particularly like. OP, it sounds like you handled this situation with a minimum of drama.
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Old 05-15-2009, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,869 posts, read 4,561,601 times
Reputation: 1952
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighlandsGal View Post
That's awful. You could have at least donated them to Goodwill or something.
Maybe so. Point taken. If it had been something that cost more than $3 from the drug store, I probably would have. Honestly, though, I have a real philosophical objection to the whole "Bratz" line of products and don't want any little girl to wear that label. Others may have no problem with it, but I feel that everything related to "Bratz" belongs in the trash!
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Old 05-15-2009, 09:24 PM
 
1,219 posts, read 3,747,191 times
Reputation: 579
Quote:
Originally Posted by atypicalLIer View Post
Approaching this with one's hackles up could possibly make things escalate.

One thing we don't know is the age of the OP's child who was the recipient of the 'inapropriate gift'. If the child actually liked the shirt, she might miss it if it disappears. I don't believe it is a good thing to make that which (we as mothers) don't like disappear. What sort of message does this send? It's sneaky and devious. Children live what they learn.

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It sends the message that the mom/parents are the authority in the house. If I feel something is not appropriate for my family, it will not be in my house. Nothing sneaky or devious at all. It's plain and simple. It's actually a good thing for children to learn-they learn to discern what is appropriate for their family, and how to make choices about things (using whatever values that their particular family embraces).
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Inis Fada
16,685 posts, read 27,933,513 times
Reputation: 7177
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderintonc View Post
It sends the message that the mom/parents are the authority in the house. If I feel something is not appropriate for my family, it will not be in my house. Nothing sneaky or devious at all. It's plain and simple. It's actually a good thing for children to learn-they learn to discern what is appropriate for their family, and how to make choices about things (using whatever values that their particular family embraces).
So the message sent is that the Authority can take whatever it wishes behind the child's back?

If mom secretly makes things disappear because she doesn't approve of them, she is being sneaky and devious. She is NOT acting with authority, but duplicity.

If someone doesn't want their child to have something which they received as a gift, someone acting as an adult/parent (who wants to instill their particular family values into their child) should sit the child down and explain to them why Mommy/Daddy doesn't allow Product X in the house. They should then take Product X and donate it to the less fortunate.

I am not asking you to agree with me; I tried to understand your point, but I have a completely different perspective than you.
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:43 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,039,060 times
Reputation: 2249
Quote:
Originally Posted by atypicalLIer View Post
One thing we don't know is the age of the OP's child who was the recipient of the 'inapropriate gift'.
I thought I read that the OP had said her daughter was in 1st grade (about 6/7 yrs old).

If that is accurate (I can't find the post now...so many in this thread!), then I think it gives even more weight to the OP's frustration with her mother. Regardless of the age though, I do understand your annoyance with your mother particularly as she admitted knowing that you wouldn't like the gift & bought it anyway. I mean seriously - what's the difference between that & someone saying to you, "I bought you this purple shirt even though I know you hate purple." Many of us would find that to be inappropriate or poor gift-giving etiquette. Just because grandma did that for a child doesn't make it ok.

OP - glad that you were able to have a talk with your mom. Hopefully she DOES get it.
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Old 05-16-2009, 10:56 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,268,636 times
Reputation: 530
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhBeeHave View Post
...if mom secretly makes things disappear because she doesn't approve of them, she is being sneaky and devious. She is NOT acting with authority, but duplicity...
You're right, but not 100%. Its not always just black or white for everyone. In some cases its just "choosing your battles". Letting it go and just tucking the shirt away in a drawer or tossing it avoids the argument totally. Its only sneaky in that aspect in getting around some unwanted confrontation over a silly shirt.

The daughter doesn't necessarily have to follow that example if "mom" does it disreetly while she's home alone and no one's the wiser. As such there's no "example" to follow as she never saw what mom did. If she misses it later, there's still no "bad example" to follow as it wouldn't occur to anyone that the shirt had been disgarded.

Now if the daughter is in love with that shirt: different story. I'm basing my words on the assumption that the girl is indifferent to it all or is one of millions of kids who has a short attention span and will forget about having it at all and won't miss it.
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Old 05-16-2009, 05:06 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
When it comes to Hannah Montana in particular, I completely agree with the term inappropriate here. Disney has a way of raising poor role models. Miley Cryus in particular is a little (Insert words I can't say here) and isanother Lindsey Lohan/Britney Spears in the making. She is not the wholesome pretty and innocent little pop girl that parents think she. She is posting inappropriate pictures of herself on the web, saying she is sorry and should not have done it. Then does it again. If anyone had taken pictures like this of another girl and posted them online, they'd be going down for spreading child porn pictures.

Yahoo! Image Search Results for miley cyrus photo scandal=

Yahoo! Image Search Results for miley cyrus racy

My daughter hates Miley Cyrus. I don't blame her but I don't let her dislike anything without a sound reason. I asked her why she hated her and could only say she was annoying, yet had never actually seen her show. I sat down with her and started to watch one. She made it about five minutes before she got up to leave the room. I asked her what she did not like about what she saw.. "All she does is scream. She cried because someone didn't like her shirt, she jumped over the back of the couch and she did not talk to her dad very nice." She asked me a couple days later if she was only girl who hated her and I told her to go online and check it out. These are the pictures she came across. I hear..."Mom...I think I'm too young to see these pictures..." Imagine MY shock. The photos my daughter found actually have her licking her friends face and has other girl to girl suggestive photos like the "peace sign" on her mouth with her tongue sticking out at another girl along with the others above.. I thought she was overrated and didn't think she had a long term future in anything serious but when I saw this, I was mortified and mad at myself for being as niave as all the other parents who allow their children's religous following of this girl.

Even consumer reports says she's a bad role model!
Thank you. I understand why you would consider it inappropriate now.
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Old 05-16-2009, 05:10 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Look, I'm just calling it like I see it. OP laid out in the first post what her objections are to the Hannah Montana shirt and she clarified in later posts as well. Still....

No she did not.


The question was answered multiple times and yet repeated ad infinitum. The intention was not to be insulting but perhaps Momma Bear was not aware of how much she had been repeating the question and yet ignoring the answer. It seemed obvious to everyone else.

If it was obvious to me I would not have asked.

It is also obvious that the mother gets to decide what is best for the child and if she says no to HM or other character wear then that should be good enough for her mother as well. It was very disrespectful of the mother to go against her wishes, but is probably best to set the shirt aside and not make a big deal of it if it is a one time occurrence.

I acknowledged the mother's right to decide what it right for her child. I was asking WHY she felt that way, NOT whether she had to right to feel that way.

I also acknowledged that I understood the frustration with the mother.

I read lots of stuff I think is stupid on CD. I never tell the person who is posting they are stupid, I just ignore the stuff that is not of interest to me. Perhaps you could learn to do the same.
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:15 PM
 
1,628 posts, read 5,778,672 times
Reputation: 1221
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Just looking for some honest opinions on a situation...

I will be very upfront here, I am somewhat of a "clothing snob" if you will.
(for my children...)
Now, I do not mean that my children only wear "high end" ,Ralph Lauren,Lily ,etc.... because they do not.
What I mean is that I like different things,I shop alot online in many of the wonderful online stores there are. I do not like Old Navy and usually don't like Gap ,only because everyone is wearing the same thing!
I just like different things,but cute... I do love Lands End,Matilda Jane.. just fun ,cute things for my girls.
What I do not like-at all,is the clothing with Hannah Montana all over it,or any other character or latest "pop icon". I can't stand it actually.
I am lucky that neither of my girls care about it-yet! I can still easily shop for their clothing without much of an arguement from them.
I realize times will change.

Here is the thing... my mother knows that I absolutely do not like the Hannah T-shirts ,etc.. and today is one of my daughter's bday... and what is one of the gifts that my mom buys her? yes-a Hannah Montana T-shirt... I was shocked when my daughter opened the gift but polite and said "oh,it is kind of cute" and my mom laughs and says " I knew you wouldn't like it,but it is time that she starts to wear what all the other kids are wearing !"
Since when does my child have to look like or go along with the crowd first of all?
I am really offended and feel that it shows a lack of respect for what I choose for my children.
I know that it truly is trivial,but I was (I guess I still am!) upset about it.
I feel like it completely doesn't validate me as the parent.

Any thoughts... I know.. I will be prepared for the wonderful responses such as "get over it",etc... but really, just wondering if anyone else would be bothered by it?
I'd say something like "those will make great pygamas!" Let her wear the t-shirt to bed. I wouldn't want my child out in a Hannah Montana shirt (or other tv-related wear) either, if I were you.

Not sure why you gave all the "I don't like Gap, do like Lands End" info though! You don't like tv shows and commercial advertising on clothing. Many parents do but there are plenty who don't (whether they like Gap or not!)
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