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Old 05-14-2009, 03:28 PM
363 posts, read 1,005,552 times
Reputation: 292


Oh my MIL is a very nice person in a lot of respects, she just isn't a very nice MIL. She was a huge factor in the problems that my DH's brother had with his first wife and their marriage went south rather quickly and ended in divorce.

She has tried her best to break my DH and I up. In fact she was so bad while we were dating, that some people would have turned tail and ran. It took us three years after we got married to even tell her we were married and we only did then because we were expecting and we were coming back for my DH's High School reunion and I didn't want her to throw an even bigger fit thinking we were having a baby out of wedlock. (We were living in a whole nother state at the time) We have been married now for 16 years.

She bawled, cried, yelled and carried on so bad that all my DH could finally get in word wise after he made the announcement that we were married was "Now you know why it took us three years to tell you we were married, because we knew this is how you would react and the only reason we are telling you now is because you are going to be a grandmother." Then he hung up on her with her still carrying on. We had been in contact with her and even came down to visit and she came up to visit a few times during that three years, but we never told her, even the "perfect son" BIL didn't tell her anything per my DH's request. My whole entire family knew, all of our friends knew, but she was the last to find out, but only because of the way she was always trying to break us up and interfering. MY DH loves his mother and would do most anything for her, but he is not a momma's boy and he feels he is man enough to make his own decisions and choices without her input.

The only reason we live as close to her as we do is because my DH got a good job offer to work for a company his best friend worked at. He had hit a stalemate with the job he had at that time, so this job offer was the change my DH needed.

We do have Caller ID as well as Call Waiting Caller ID so we know it's her that is calling at such late times. We have thought about not answering the phone when she calls and a few times during the day or early evenings we will let the answering machine pick up. But if we do not answer the phone when she calls at 10:00p.m. she would be up at our house checking to make sure everything was okay and then we'd have problems getting her to leave.

DH has sat down and told his mother that the rude remarks to me is uncalled for and he has even threatened to keep her from seeing the grandkids if she didn't stop. She has backed off quite a bit and is now very careful as to how she words things, but the thought behind what she says is still there. I've called her out a couple of times on it and she starts acting all innocent and confused when I do. He's even told her that the way we are parenting our children is not up for debate or condradiction so to butt out. She'll back off for a while, but she will use excuses like stories she has heard on the news as a way to insert her disapproval over the way we are parenting. She has become one of those over protective parents/grandparents, that will litterally freak if we let one of our girls go out into the front yard to check the mail by themselves. She has slowly becoming one of those paranoid, over reacting people that think the world is falling apart around her.

She is not in the best of health and she is loosing her mental faculties more and more everyday. She really shouldn't be driving any longer and going down town at all hours of the day and night. We worry aboout her and we have tried numerous times to let us get her into a good doctor to find out what is wrong with her. We have even tried to get the BIL to talk to her. It's about to get to the point where we will need to get in touch with a lawyer and get power of attorney over her.

As far as hobbies and such, she is involved with several charity things with her church, she is in water arobics, and she goes to the Senior Center quite often as well as attends retired teachers luncheons, and MDU (our electric and gas company) Breakfasts, as that is where her hubby worked before he passed away. So she has plenty of things to keep her busy, but she still manages to find time to pop in or call.
This is sad.
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Old 05-16-2009, 04:14 AM
1,121 posts, read 3,108,915 times
Reputation: 1122
Originally Posted by Maybe So View Post
This is sad.
Don't think of it as sad. It's just life. Some women define their entire identity by who their husband and children are. They have difficulty letting go because they feel if they loose this identity as wife or mother they will cease to exsist. Fortunately, this is probably more true in previous generations, but to all those young women out there, take note. It is very important for you to establish your own identity before you identify with others. Women generally live longer than men and you want your whole life to be meaningful, not just your service to your husband and family.
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Old 05-16-2009, 08:56 AM
Location: Inis Fada
16,685 posts, read 28,028,759 times
Reputation: 7188
[QUOTEAlso she would have been the first one to be upset if she had to stand because no-one would give up their seat for her. She would have commented on the rudeness and the lack of respect and courteousy that kids have today and that parents aren't teaching their kids those things. But as soon as I do something to teach my kids how not to be rude she balks me on it.

What would you have done? Would you have had your children give up their seat so that an older person could sit? What would you have said to someone like my MIL?][/quote]
You did the right thing. My children would have offered their seats, too.

As for your MIL I would have said, "Should someday you find yourself in need of a seat, hopefully someone's grandchild will give theirs up for you."
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