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What do you think is the right way to approach a situation where your child is being bullied? I watched a show recently where two boys committed suicide because of they were being bullied at school. The mothers of the children saw signs of fear and depression when their children attended school and on vacations and breaks from school the symptions disappeared.
Have you ever had a child be bullied or have you yourself been bullied in the past?
Would you consider homeschooling or even changing school for your child if the bullying became severe?
Do you think boys and girls handle bullies differently? Is it more prevelant in schools today?
It starts at home. Kids have to know how to handle themselves from an early age. They need to know how to solve problems. They need to know how to fight back and when to walk away.
It isn't that there is more bullying these days. It's the lack of kids being able to stand up for themselves because they are taught not to.
I was bullied in elementary. It got to the point where I skipped school (I was in the 2nd grade!)
I would go to the old folk's neighborhood across the street (condo type housing) and hide in the bushes, parks, etc, until school let out. I was a very shy girl. I was a recent immigrant from Mexico and it didn't help that I still dressed "too Mexican" (that's what I was told ). My aunt finally caught me (she lived across the street from the old folks neighborhood) and asked me what was the problem. I told her I didn't like to go to school because of the taunting, the language barriers, etc. From then on my aunt and mom talked with my teacher who would let me stay in from recess and help her with books etc. I love that. But, the bullying didn't stop until I left elementary for middle school. I am afraid my son who is special needs and on his way to middle school will be bullied. He is very sweet and loving. So childlike still. He still likes to hold my hand when we walk around our neighborhood and he's 11!! We have talks about bullying and how he needs to tell us and how to stand up for himself. We talk and act out different scenarios. We will keep a close eye on him as he grows up.
It is scary to say the least.
CTR36, You're doing the right thing to prepare him. There is nothing right about bullying, but it has been since the beginning of time. The reason kids fall apart because of it now is because they aren't prepared at home. They have to know it's ok to stand up and fight if necessary. They have to know to not be afraid of doing something about it and take an active role in stopping it.
Good for you for helping your son.
My daughter was bullied, and because she was so strong in character, she came out on top and is better for it now.
What if there are physical threats against the child and daily taunting? I was bullied for a couple weeks in middle school. A girl bigger then me threatened to beat me up if I bothered her friend. I didn't share this with my parents. However, I told my older brother who said he would protect me if anything happened. That gave me a little bit of confidence but I was afraid too.
I let my kids know they can tell me anything and I will help them, and not judge them. My son this year started a new school and was being bullied. As soon as I found out, I immediately went in and spoke to the teacher and the principal. I tried to give my son a few tools:
1. Try ignoring them, they are just trying to get a rise out of you. Walk away.
2. Tell a teacher or me!
3. I let both my kids know I love them, and sometimes people will say hurtful things, but know they will always have their family that loves them no matter what.
It worked for one of the kids, the other kid, my son got fed up with it and actually popped him one. As much as I don't condone hitting, I was really proud of my son; and the bully hasn't bothered him since.
I don't think there is a right/wrong answer, just do your best, and let your kids know you love them.
1. Try ignoring them, they are just trying to get a rise out of you. Walk away.
2. Tell a teacher or me!
3. I let both my kids know I love them, and sometimes people will say hurtful things, but know they will always have their family that loves them no matter what.
That is our approach. My oldest is in 4th grade and boys pick on each other by that age. Not that picking on is bullying, but it can escalate to that. My son has found himself in trouble many times for fighting back (verbally mostly but boy can he let out a tirade). We are working on the ignoring thing. We try to get him to befriend kids that share his interests and are like him, not try to befriend the popular kids who make fun of him. I think its easier to handle this kind of stuff when you have friends instead of trying to be friends with the kids who are doing it.
My daughter is really tiny for her age. At the beginning of the year (she is in 1st grade) some boy in her class made a crack at her in line about being a baby because she is so small (she is shorter than most Kindergarteners). I told her the next time he said something to tell him he is being rude and to ignore him after that.
As the kids get older, I know that bullying behavior can get worse and more dangerous. There was a thread just the other day about a girl who was suspended for fighting back because another girl would not leave her alone and spit on her. I am going to take it a year at a time and respond as I feel is appropriate as my kids get older.
If bullying gets too bad as kids reach the upper grades why don't parents consider having their kids change schools? My friends daughter did this in 10th grade after girls were bullying her. Her grades were failing too. She didn't want to go to school. Now she's doing well and her grades have improved.
CTR36, You're doing the right thing to prepare him. There is nothing right about bullying, but it has been since the beginning of time. The reason kids fall apart because of it now is because they aren't prepared at home. They have to know it's ok to stand up and fight if necessary. They have to know to not be afraid of doing something about it and take an active role in stopping it.
Good for you for helping your son.
My daughter was bullied, and because she was so strong in character, she came out on top and is better for it now.
This is PARTIALLY correct. Kids are not prepared by their families to deal with bullying. BUT ALSO. They are told by the school in alot of instances no matter who starts it ALL fighters will be suspended or in trouble. No matter who started it. No matter if you were only defending yourself. This stops alot of kids from fighting back, besides just plain being afraid. They KNOW no one (except maybe their parents) will defend them. The school won't take their side even if it is on tape that they were being beaten senseless.
On one hand I understand the reasoning for these policies but they do NOTHING to help a kid who is being bullied. All they do is make a decent kid even more afraid to stand up for themselves.
I have had to write letters to the school board, superintendent, principle, and individual teachers who were IGNORING bullying of my daughter, threatening with lawsuits if they didn't do their JOB and protect her. She might be in 10th grade but she is far from an adult. Telling me "this is just the way life is" doesn't work for me. After a couple of times I finally realized they are not going to do anything about it unless I back THEM to the wall and force it. And I had to also think about this. Do you really think, as a parent, ANY of them have dealt with this? Who do you know is going to pick on the High School Principle's daughter or son? They are on the A list (socially) in our little town I can assure you. It just isn't the same. Of course we are from a town that has a total school population of about 950 so everyone knows everyone else.
Good Luck and when they start that 0 tolerance crap... make sure they understand YOU have 0 tolerance when it comes to your child being bullied also.
If bullying gets too bad as kids reach the upper grades why don't parents consider having their kids change schools? My friends daughter did this in 10th grade after girls were bullying her. Her grades were failing too. She didn't want to go to school. Now she's doing well and her grades have improved.
Some of us don't have the luxury of changing schools. Where I live there is only one High School and no private schools unless you drive 35-40 minutes each way. My oldest wanted to transfer to the next town over to go to school. Besides having to drive her there and back every day, I honestly think the problems would have followed her. The kids from these towns all hang around together so they would all know she went to the other school. It just wouldn't be much help, to my daughter.
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